I feel like I’ve let the family down. We have 2 small children and I’ve lost all our savings I had access to and taken out credit cards to fuel my habit. I have taken steps I can to get the help… there are triggers… and my husband is some of my triggers… how I am going to forgive myself… how can I be with my husband going forward if he doesn’t understand that he fuels this to a point… says he understand yet doesnt want to change and thinks it’s normal ‘husband and wife’ arguments… how can he support me like he says he wants to but doesn’t talk to anyone… how am I going to get my head straight…
this a horrible situation to be in a vicious circle…. I guess it’s going to be a slow process to understand what’s going on…
It took me over twenty years to understand why I gambed.
Once I was able to abstain from my adictios and obsessions the the deep healing started for me.
Each time I gambled I felt like such a failure, some ties I wanted to give up all faith and hope in my self.
Each time I went to meetings to tell them I gambled, I was asked what was your last emotional trigger.
I was also asked why did I not use the telephone list.
My emotional triggers were my pains that I could not heal.
My emotional triggers were my fears that I could not face or reduce.
My emotional triggers were my frsutrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
My emotional triggers were my feelings of boredom.
My emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness and lack of intimacy in my life.
My lies were all pain and fear based.
What or who was I running away from.
In time I handed over all money and finances to my wife.
In time I was able to trust my sekf with money on my person.
In time I was able to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Keep working on your recovery and attend meetings then you will be able to forgive your self.
You are not able to change your husbands ways.
In recovery you will be able to exchange your uhealthy reactions to yoru husband.
I have been married now for over 53 years now.
I have a little bit expereince of husband and wife’ arguments.
Your husband my have issues from hsi child hod thathe has not faced as yet.
He may not be able to support you as you would like.
He may even think that you are the person thathas the problem that he is fine.
Getting our head straight, that may take more than one day.
In time I would heal the hurt inner child in me.
In time I would open up to emotional intimacy.
In time I would learn to respect my self.
In time I would learn to love my self.
Being an unhealthy addict was a very painful horrible situation to be in that self destruction vicious circle
Healing that hurt inner child is going to be a slow process to understand.
Yet if you learn to value your self there is no limit as to what you can ahive in your life and with your relationships.
Please be kind and caring towards your self.
Keep going to meetings one day the penny will drop.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave of Beckenham
Well done for joining the forum, and thank you for sharing some of your story here.
Your post is titled "4th time this has happened", so it sounds like your gambling has been a recurring issue for you, and that it has cost you savings and caused you debt, and you feel regret about that. You are trying to figure it all out, how to understand your triggers, how to cultivate self-forgiveness, and where your relationship goes from here. It is a lot to sort out, but it is good that you recognise that it is a process, and you mention that you have taken steps to get help.
You don't mention where you are in the world; if you are based in Britain then you could call us, if you like, on our freephone 0808 8020 133. We can signpost you to free debt advice services, provide you with free access to blocking software, and facilitate referrals for free support sessions. If you are based in another country, then please consider the benefit of using local support for your recovery, to help you make progress in improving your situation.
I hope that reading the stories of our forum members helps you to see that you are not alone, and that there is hope for recovery.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.