Blown my wage again!

Hi everyone, I am now fifteen days gf. To be honest I haven't had time to even think about gambling I have been working night and day. Today I have had the worse migraine ever with disturbed vision and repeated vomiting, stress of working too many hours I guess. I really want to beat this addiction so I can lead a normal life and cut my hours back, but at mo need the money. My anxiety levels are still very high and I feel overwhelmed at mo. I'm working a night shift tonight and will be caring for a dieing patient, I need to put my all into that, and I will, but I know it will add to my toll of stress. Sosad thank you for your reply, I found it both supportive and informative, I think I will look into bankrupsy, at least it would give me a clean slate to start from just don't have the courage to do it right now. Your right about the gambling sites, they reel you in then sink you without a second thought and today I can say I will never gamble again or give them another penny of my money, let's hope I can stay that way. I truly think I and you can do it and be free from this terrible disease which destroys lives. Go for it sosad I know you can do it and hopefully we all will x

Go jacky go jacky!! You sound like you’ve got some determination now, fab use it to keep you going. We’re on the same gf day I think which means we can’t let each other down. What you do financially is down to you and you alone but take away all the guilt and self hate and concentrate on the best practical way forward for you. Keep going gal!!!

Hi Jacky just reading through your thread and im amazed and inspired at how brave you have been! Owning up to your partner and family is not a step i am ready to take that but i have so much respect for you for doing it! Keep going your doing an amazing job an inspiration for me to do better! Chin up and keep going for a better life x

Hi j12, thank you for your comments. Believe me it has taken three years to finally admit I had an out of control gambling habit and tell anyone, but I do wish now I had done it sooner, it's eased the burden of continually lying and making up excuses for not having any money. My partner is being unbelievably supportive, he knew something was not right and he said he kind of knew I must be gambling. As for you, I know it's an incredibly hard thing to do to tell your loved ones, but if you could ever pick up the courage to tell someone it really does help, because then the gambling is no longer a secret, something us gamblers all need to carry on with this dreadful habit. I haven't read your thread yet but will do, I wish you loads of luck in beating this and coming out of it smiling x

Hi Jacky

Well done on all the steps you have taken so far, i don't have much advice to give as i myself have only been gamble free for 4 days after registering with gamstop, but i admire how brave you have been in telling your partner and family as that is something i am still working up too and do not have the courage to do just yet (small steps).

good luck in your recovery

Hi Jacky, we'll be at a month very soon. I still haven't mentioned anything to anyone, but I too suffer from migraines and am in the middle of an anxiety induced cluster. Work is always so very busy, it’s hard to keep an even keel. You should be very proud of yourself!

Hi lil30, we can do it, I know we can, I get paid in less then two weeks, I'm so excited about being able to pay my bills and partner back and not waste my money again. I actually strolled round a supermarket yesterday (couldn't afford anything) but thought about the shop I will be able to do on pay day, I haven't done a full shop for months, the idea of having cupboards and a fridge freezer full of food is smile inducer. I have only really been able to eat at work, not good, and probably why I'm now so under weight. Gambling destroys your mind and body bit by bit. Kirstyh great to hear from you, you have done great coming on here and installing GAMSTOP, well done you, it may only be day 4, but keep at it, and everyday gf is a major achievement, we are all amazing for just acknowledging we have a problem and taking steps to beat it. Gambling is an illness of the worst kind that destroys every part of our lives, but not anymore we are ALL going to beat this. I wish everyone luck for today and the future. We all have our own individual journeys to take but in supporting each other we help each other, this site is really helping me get through this bit by bit, thank you everyone x

Jacky,

Ive read through this thread from start to finish and the change in your personality after telling your partner/friend is so uplifting! I'd suggest that you invite your partner to help you more, especially around payday. GAMSTOP is great but that devil inside will always want to tempt you back. You need people around you to help, your partner has been so understanding by the sounds of it, so keep that in mind.

'When it rains look for Rainbows, When its dark look for the Stars'

Hi flying panda, nice to hear from you. I have sat down and worked out what I have to pay when I'm paid, it's a large amount but doable, my goal is to do this directly I'm paid then transfer the remainder into my partners account for safe keeping. I have several private cleaning jobs which pay cash, I will use this money for daily living throughout the month, allowing myself small treats here and there e.g hair cutting, a meal out with friends and maybe a new winter coat (just to remind myself what it's like to be normal). I am lucky, my partner has been great, but I am aware it's important not to become complacent, I know I'm not out of the woods yet and have a long way to go. I still have to address my £30,000 debt and that keeps me awake at nights (when I'm not working that is) and also I have life issues and experiences that haunt me and I need professional help with, and are probably one of the root causes of why I became addicted to gambling in the first place. It's funny but since I came clean about gambling and stopped (although I haven't had the money to do it), I have started focusing on problems which I used gambling to block out, it's like a fog has been lifted only to see a storm coming. But on a more positive note, I know I still have hurdles to cross, I am getting battle ready to do it and hopefully one day there will be more ups then downs, or even walking on the flat would be good. X

Hi out of interest, I have just applied for face to face counselling from this site, will it cost me anything?

Dear Jacky68,

The counselling service of Gamcare is a free service. Also there are agencies across the country that are funded to provide free support to problem gamblers and affected others.

Kind regards

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