Constantly undoing my good work

Hi,

I’m fed up with always undoing my good work and repeat the same pattern over and over and over. 

Let’s say I start with £100. I’ll behave myself and stick to my ‘plan’ and do promotions to build the money up. I won’t get rich but I have an edge. So, maybe I’ll make £20 to £50 per day on average (could be down £10 one day, up £200 the next). 

I might stick at this for a week or two and then I might have a sizeable win. I may even withdraw some money along the way. 

But then I get cocky and start bending the rules, doing some extra spins where I don’t have and edge or worse… my ‘system’… in my brain I know it’s essentially a Martingale system so sooner or later it’ll go catastrophically wrong but there’s a part of my brain that seams to forget this FACT. So, the longer I go without a bonus round the more I increase my stakes. Maybe 20p until I’m down £10 then 40p until I’m down £30 then 80p until I’m down £70… but if a bonus round takes me into profitability it’s 20p again until I’m £10 down from whatever the high water mark is. Sometimes it doesn’t work and I’ll five up fairly quickly. It’s the times that it works that are the problem. I’ve been in situations where I started off with £50 to £100 and built it to £5,000 but do I stop and withdraw? Maybe… but I’ll be drawn back to the game… and I’ll just keep doubling if I’ve got funds available. I even have a bad feeling by the time I get to £1 or £2 bets. But, sometimes I’ve won after that - and won big, my brain tells me… and promising myself that once it wins I won’t do this high risk ‘system’ again. But then I find myself on £10 bets and have put ALL profit back in and then start either raiding my other bookie/casino accounts or going full on tilt and gambling on other things until I blow most of my bankroll and have to put in some of the profits I’d already spent in my head. I then promise myself I’ll never make the same mistake again and I’m going to stick rigidly to the system and ‘slow and steady’ wins the race and I’ll make better gains in the long term and spend less time on it and not feel like c**P. It’s not as simple as quitting all gambling activity for me - for most people I 100% think that’s the best thing and for anyone here, I really don’t recommend doing what I do. I keep my gambling money completely separate from ‘real’ money and would never take money from that… but it can be tempting when my bankroll is in the double digits when it’s been several thousand the week before. I once got my bankroll up to £30k and lost £20k of it in a week… and I so often feel like that’s the direction of travel, even when losses are relatively minor. But, instead of accepting a small loss which I can easily make up I just keep ramping the stakes up - and I know it’s basically a Martingale system and that failure IS inevitable. I act like the bonus round is definitely due… even although it’s no more or less due than it was the previous spin. I can convince myself it’s due because it’s been ages since the last one or it’s due because the slot is hot/paying right now. On that basis it’s always due - every spin has exactly the same chance. Some how these slots turn our brains off!