hello all

Hi CG i have lost everthing now and hit rock bottom due to gambling just 5 years ago i was on a beach in barbados marrying the love of my life now im living in my car, office or hostels after my wife told me the relationship was over. The last couple of years have been a bit of a haze if im honest i had several deaths in the family in the last couple of years firstly my mum shortly followed by dad and last year my sister and turned to drink and gambling. I went missing for a week recently and thought of just ending it all but couldnt bring myself to I have three children 3,6 and 9 who are unaware of the situation thankfully they think dad is working away but it must seem very strange to them dad is not around. I have missed payments on mortgage,sky,council tax run up debts at payday loan companys and gambled all my inheritance and my wife and kids barely saw a penny. My wife now has debts through no fault of her own because she has had to pay for basic day to day things. I know now that i have a serious problem and i need to start to sort my life out but just see very little hope of ever doing so without my wife but know in my heart that there is no way back i have destroyed this person with all the lies and she will never trust me again. i feel sorry for myself but it is nothing compared to what i have put my wife through its killing me inside i come watch the kids at weekend so wife can go to her part-time job the job she hates but has had to take because of me but as soon as kids are in bed off i go as soon as im out the door im in bits. My wife was right to end it we would have probably lost the house if had not been for some family being kind enough to pay off some urgent bills. I would do anything to repair the relationship but it must have taken her a lot of courage to end it and it would take even more to take me back and i can see she is drained by the whole thing. The destruction that i have caused in wifes life is unimaginable destroyed her credit score that she cant even get a catalogue and with Christmas coming up she has planned ahead got things for the kids and i have gave her nothing towards christmas what so ever. Managed to pay the sky this month and mortgage but with all the other debts have little left and feel so guilty that i wont be able to give them anything till pay day. Not gambled for a couple weeks now not cause i dont want to but just dont have the money or access to it i only gamled online in the privacy of the house. Have access through my phone but its a works phone and i cant risk losing my job as that is all that keeps me going. Life is such a drag at the moment cant sleep cant eat did drown my sorrows one night didnt help just feel cornered with no way out. Only have a couple hours left with kids before wife comes home better go make the most of it. Hope things improve soon just dont have anybody close that i can talk to. Just dont know what i can do if anything to repair my relationship with my wife and how i can possibly get through this without her