I don't know what wrong with me!

It's been almost 24 hours since my last black jack session and I'm still feeling bad. Trying to keep myself busy but constantly worrying about my wife finding out and how we are going to survive for the rest of the month. Going to call my mortgage lender tomorrow to see if they will accept double payment next month as I have some overtime to be paid.

DMP starts next month also but still want to do an IVA. Will have to control myself and not gamble again. This is it really I have no options left. I'm never going to win back the money I've lost. It's only going to get worse.

One day at a time.....

Hi Antonio,

great bits of action and well done for not gambling today. Keep up the good work.

I would also recommend some practical blocks. Have you looked into blocking software?

Here are the ones we recommend:

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software

Also try and think of blocks you can set up that will make it difficult for you to access mone, or all your money at once, especially on next payday.

All the best,

Forum Admin

Hi Antonio,

Can I just ask why you would prefer an IVA to a DMP?

Iv recently sought debt help and I chose a DMP as I suppose there is less stigma/credit file damage with that?

What was your thinking?

Antonio,

Given your recent history, a bail out will only give you short term relief, whoever that comes from.

As well as national debt helpline and CAB etc, I think a website called debt camel is great at giving some practical advice and has a great section on priority debts etc

you have many things to deal with and I'm another that identifies with you on the strength of despair and shame, I get that overwhelming desire to 'sort it' or rectify the problem but you really arent helping yourself or anyone else right now.

Yes you've taken a great step to admitting the problem and well done for previously admitting your addiction to your wife, although it doesn't sound like she has the full knowledge?

I think you need to be looking at

Your addiction

Your secrets

Your debt

You can turn this around, right round and choose life again, it's going to be very hard but you can do this

I'm just over 160GF, I have a lot of repair work to be done on my own marriage but right now it's mainly about addressing my addiction and the debt. Once those are both more stable then my wife and I will have some serious work to do on looking again at our relationship. I'm very grateful at the moment that she hasn't kicked me out of the marital home, which is all in her name as well but I'm under no illusion she has made that choice for the sake of our children and reducing the debt as quickly as possible.

You've made some bad choices, it doesn't mean you are a bad person but there are consequences to face as a result of your previous choices and your addiction but make this the time to really face into those, accept what comes with that, the money has gone - you have to accept that as well - once you've done all that you can start taking the baby steps forward.

I'm a compulsive gambler and have been for over 20 years, today I am choosing not to gamble, i hope you join me by doing the same

best wishes

Xenedra wrote:

Hi Antonio,

Can I just ask why you would prefer an IVA to a DMP?

Iv recently sought debt help and I chose a DMP as I suppose there is less stigma/credit file damage with that?

What was your thinking?

A DMP also results in a trashed credit file. I've already missed several months worth of payments on my credit cards and loans so it's too late already. Also a DMP is an informal arrangement so creditors can start adding interest and fees anytime they choose.

An IVA is more formal and the end date is more realistic plus you don't get creditors hassling you anymore etc...

But as half my unsecured debt is due to gambling then I'm going to have to show several months worth of clean bank statements. Something I can't seem to achieve but this time something just feels different. I've had enough of losing. My family deserve better.

Oh ok, I see.

It's all options i Never wanted to have to consider and I'm sure you don't either.

Good luck to you in your recovery.

I have used debt camel also which is a fantastic site with great advice!

Compulsive Gambler wrote:

Antonio,

Given your recent history, a bail out will only give you short term relief, whoever that comes from.

As well as national debt helpline and CAB etc, I think a website called debt camel is great at giving some practical advice and has a great section on priority debts etc

you have many things to deal with and I'm another that identifies with you on the strength of despair and shame, I get that overwhelming desire to 'sort it' or rectify the problem but you really arent helping yourself or anyone else right now.

Yes you've taken a great step to admitting the problem and well done for previously admitting your addiction to your wife, although it doesn't sound like she has the full knowledge?

I think you need to be looking at

Your addiction

Your secrets

Your debt

You can turn this around, right round and choose life again, it's going to be very hard but you can do this

I'm just over 160GF, I have a lot of repair work to be done on my own marriage but right now it's mainly about addressing my addiction and the debt. Once those are both more stable then my wife and I will have some serious work to do on looking again at our relationship. I'm very grateful at the moment that she hasn't kicked me out of the marital home, which is all in her name as well but I'm under no illusion she has made that choice for the sake of our children and reducing the debt as quickly as possible.

You've made some bad choices, it doesn't mean you are a bad person but there are consequences to face as a result of your previous choices and your addiction but make this the time to really face into those, accept what comes with that, the money has gone - you have to accept that as well - once you've done all that you can start taking the baby steps forward.

I'm a compulsive gambler and have been for over 20 years, today I am choosing not to gamble, i hope you join me by doing the same

best wishes

I appreciate your comment. Yes, i do have a lot to deal with but the most important thing at this stage is to not gamble again.

One day at a time.....

I think, if your debts and your credit rating is already bad, you will be surprised at how accommodating creditors can be.
Through Stepchange I have a monthly amount which is paid proportionally to my creditors. Most have frozen interest and fees. A DMP in my experience gives you some peace of mind as long as you stick with it. No more letters, phone calls, texts, emails or even knocks on the door.
They want money obviously but most accept payment plans and are used to dealing with organisations like Stepchange.

Phil72 wrote: I think, if your debts and your credit rating is already bad, you will be surprised at how accommodating creditors can be. Through Stepchange I have a monthly amount which is paid proportionally to my creditors. Most have frozen interest and fees. A DMP in my experience gives you some peace of mind as long as you stick with it. No more letters, phone calls, texts, emails or even knocks on the door. They want money obviously but most accept payment plans and are used to dealing with organisations like Stepchange.

Thanks Phil. I am going to be doing a DMP for a couple of months until I have some clean bank statements to submit for an IVA. At the current amount set for the DMP it would take me more than 30 years to pay back the debt assuming interest and charges are forzen for the entore duration! With an IVA it's fixed at 6 years max.

Day 2 already and I have zero temptation to gamble but still worried about calling my mortgage lender later on. Also stil haven't worked out how we're going to survive on £300 for the rest of the month but will take it one day at a time.

What ever works best for you Antonio. I guess the main thing is to start addressing the debt to start calming your mind. Best wishes, Phil.

Start of day 3 GF for me. No temptation to gamble so far but still worried sick about the financial situaion I've created for myself and the family.

Managed to arrange some councelling sessions with the first one starting tomorrow afternoon. I'm detrmined to put an end to this self-destruction. Never again.

This afternoon I will have my first councelling session @ 12:30PM. Luckily for me the location is less than 2 miles from my work place so should be strasightforward to get to and can do it during my lunch break.

Determined never to gamble again.

One day at a time.....

Good luck with the counselling session.

Thanks Phil.

Just got back. Lucky to have it so close to our offices. Only a 5 minute drive so that's a result. Went really well and looking forward to the next session in 2 weeks time.

I am determined to beat this illness this time.

Beginning of day 5 GF. No temptation to get back on the black jack tables. Keeping myself busy with work and spending more time with the kids.

One day at a time.....