Had banned myself from online for over a year as the gambling started to take its toll on my finances last year and everything was going well apart from the odd punt in the bookies or arcades. But I have recently had access to my girlfriends online account and well am sure you know where this is going.
Started off a wee bet on the football but snowballed into placing big bets on roulette and big hands on blackjack equivalent to a weeks wages for me at a time. Was doing so well and I've saved enough money for my holiday and that but as the times going by I see my savings are dwindling away a bit at a time and I know my girlfriend will notice that my gambling is getting out of control again after having a good few months gamble free until this past month were I've been spending more money than I am bringing in.
It's hard to explain but I'm feeling nothing when I'm playing just the overwhelming guilt of letting my girlfriend down and the feeling that I'm just unable to control myself as I just make deposit after deposit and even when I've had a win I just blast it back plus more. I'm honestly feeling the lowest I felt I a while as all my lies are coming to fruition and its causing me to struggle to keep up with the pace at uni and work as I'm just stressing about all the money I've lost. money that could be going to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring that even though I know I dont deserve her she deserves it for all her patience dealing with me although I think I would be better of not being with her to save her from all this agony I bring with being her boyfriend as I'm letting her down every time. even though she shows nothing but love and loyalty to me and asks nothing in return except I bring myself home every night. I just cant help but feel like a failure and a let down how can gambling have such an effect on people this way I've actually woke up this morning full of pain mentally and the feeling I should just leave and never come back.
Thanks for reading if you have got this far.
Hello Biggunner...
Stop gambling my friend. You feel how you feel because of the gambling. It will only get worse. Don't end up like me 25 years down the road and still struggling. You say it yourself "i'm just unable to control myself"... the only solution is to stay stopped. people drop out of Uni because they have gambled all there money away.. don't let that be you
You might want to consider having a conversation your girlfriend and admit that you have been using her account. She might decide that she will sign up to gamstop as well (I presume its gamstop you have banned yourself with?)... then your both protected. Do what you have to do? Don't let your gambling become a life sentence.
All the best
Hello Biggunner,
Thank you for posting on the GamCare Forum and sharing so honestly about your return to gambling, how quickly it has escalated again for you, and how now you are left only with feelings of letting yourself and your girlfriend down. It has taken courage to post this and you will find the courage again to build on your previous hard work in stopping gambling to get yourself back on track again.
I agree very much with S.A. above, it sounds like it would be a good idea to get things out in the open if you feel able to do so; I believe this will go a long way in minimising the negativity you feel in yourself and allow you to access some further support in helping you to address this 'vicious circle' you find yourself in.
Blocks and barriers including Gam Stop and blocking software could be a good place to start and help you to feel a bit more in control of the situation again. It could also be worth looking in to the bank accounts that are now available with facilities to block card based gambling transactions and also include features for helping you to budget and limit your immediate access to larger sums of money.
I would also encourage you to consider some treatment support; where you can look at the bigger picture of your gambling and address any underlying reasons for it, including identifying triggers and learning to manage your urges to gamble. This will further support you in to your recovery, and in the future helping you to remain gamble free.
Please do feel free to give us a call either on our netline or helpline 0808 8020 133, we are here 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.
Wishing you all the very best,
Forum Admin
03/11/2019 - Finally made the call to helpline. I cannot find words to say how amazing the lady who i spoke to was. My addiction has/is hurting the people who i love the most. Their love is unconditional and they have always been there for me...and I hate myself for what I've put them through...and they are still there. The journey to stop this destructive behaviour begins for me today. I'm not under any illusions about how long this journey will be...but calling GAMCARE was the first step. Any words of advice would be received with open arms.
I've just read this post and it resonated with me. I've admitted to my parents which was the hardest thing I've ever done. My problem is online sports betting.
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