Hi All,
first post and first time on here, where can i start? From the age of 13 the highlight of the seaside were the coin pusher machines, from. That young age i was already thinking how to get money to play the pusher machines, at the age of 13/14/15 i would steal money from my fathers wallet to play fruit machines in a ice rink which one one asks for ID.
i would go on my own walk 20 mins as a 13 year old and pay to go in to the ice skating centre JUST to play on the fruit machines.
this slowly started decreeing my downfall. At the age of 16 i went to study abroad for a year. All the money people gave me for spending i gambled before i left. While i was abroad - i went to a casino and lost all my maintenance money for the year. I then had to return to the uk.
this is just the beginning , when i came back aged 16 i could go in to bookies and they would not ask for ID. I would steel money from my father - defraud people scam people just to go to play the FOBTS - i sold my mothers beloved gold worth 30k for 2k just so i can play on the FOBTS.
At this age of 16 is when i made my most stupidest mistake … i used my mothers credit card (20k limit) … maxed it out online in 3 minutes… played blackjack 500£ bet lost double lost double lost double lost boom 20k gone… and u know what not even a check to see if everything is okay.. how can a bank allow these transactions so swiftly like instant.
knowing the mess i got in to i came clean to my family ( regarding the 20k) they helped me - they told me i will have to pay it which i was okay with as now i was 18 and going in to full time work , i started working while i was studying - not paying nothing to the debt, i would get paid at midnight and say i need to leave work due to a emergency and go straight to the casino with my wages and loose it all.
this CONTINUED for 9 YEARS - during the time i have borrowed and borrowed from family friends co wokers. At the age of 22 my debt was around 150k and that is to people not cards so i cant just do bankruptcy and call it a day.
i have known my gambling needs to stop, i have lost. I have banned myself online and all land based.
still i somehow find a way, go to the arcades loose a wage in the arcade , borrow from family , make my mum skint, that still makes me feel bad.
i am on a journey which i need help with , i have vowed to give my finances to my wife ( does not know i gambled) and arrange payment plans with my family which are affordable for me.
i hope we can all get through this and be the people we were meant to be , loving happy caring. Instead of deceiving lying and sneaking.
i do not want to gamble anymore. I have accepted defeat- i have accepted defeat of around 4-500k in the past 10 years. Could of had my own house by now.
but its never to late . Gamban.gamstop.gamcare - put my faith in you.
Dear Miles
Thank you for sharing your story on our forum, despite all that has happened you end your post on a positive note - it is never too late. We are here for you as you make the changes and strive towards a happier life. Feel free to make use of the options available to you and also have a chat with us on the helpline 24/7.
Best Wishes
Fiona
Forum Admin
Hi
I questioned my self if I was stupid dumb or just no good.
Once I got in to the recovery program I became very aware of the fact I was no longer alone.
In time I got to understand my emotional triggers.
My pains I could not heal.
My fears I could not resolve or reduce.
My frustrations doe to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
My loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy.
My boredom due to the fact I felt very limited in my choices in life.
I needed to write down my needs my wants and my goals.
Pains caused up on me in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
Only once I abstained from unhealthy habits and exchanged them in to healthy habits would my life improve.
The gambling was just an escape in my fears.
The adrenaline rush was very much fear based.
The gambling was in effect self abuse and self destruction towards my self and my family.
Living in guilt and shame was living in the pains of my past.
I was humbled to the fact that long before my serious gambling happened I was escaping to amusement arcades at the sea side.
I now understand that the word RECOVERY means healing my pains.
The pains I needed to heal occured long before I was even 8 years of age.
In time the pains of my hurt inner child were healed.
And today I can live a much healthy life with no fears in me.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
Dave of Beckenham
Affected by gambling?
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