Angel From Montgomery

Hey GC Gang:

I thought about just sort of fading out, but, did not want to retire my diary without at least saying thank you to all of you who have supported and inspired me. Thanks all!!! I wish you all continued success on your journey(s)!! 🙂 joanxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Greeting from Edinburgh my friend 🙂

Hey Joan, you had a slip, so what ? we're only human. I will never forget you reaching out your hand to me when I first came back to the site, and today my friend I am holding mine out to you. We all need a wee hand now and then, its the nature of the beast. This journey has so many deviations as we travel along, and you got a flat tyre, so you just gotta get out the truck and get the spare wheel on 🙂

Don't beat yourself up Joan,, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and hold your head high. You've come soooo sooooo far, theres no way Im gonna sit back and let you throw in the towel, you're a very honest, warm, caring, and all round very highly thought of individual, so take yourself to the nearest mirror, look long and hard at the person looking back at you, and repeat after me " I am worth it, I am worth it", coz Judy my friend, you are so worth everything good that comes your way, you just gotta believe it. And thats the TRUTH 🙂

I'll be there.....four tops ?

Take care, chin up buddy

All the Best

Cameron

hey Joan

((((hugs))))

just to say... progress not perfection and you are doing well my friend...

Selfishly I dont want to see you leave the forum but if you need a break then its understandable..

Promise not to beat up on that pal Joan of mine??? or i'll come over and getcha!

No words Joan....except one...Unconditional ; )..

Just thinking about you and sending all the hugs in the world.

R and D xx

Hi Joan,

I am sorry 2 read that u r feeling down, u have supported me thru the good and the bad and I want 2 say a huge thank u 2 u 🙂

U have 2 do wot is rite 4 u, but I will miss u 🙁

Stay strong xxxxxxxxxx

Hey Joan,

I think you should re-consider leaving, if your leaving because you feel like it will help your recovery then i wish you all the very best. If you are leaving because you gambled then I think its a bad idea, You have said lots of times that this site has really helped you.

Why break a winning formula ?. Because you are winning all be it that you keep slipping back but i truly beleive that each time you are learning something about yourself and building your defences.

This is your diary remember, good bad, ugly, slips, warts, thoughts . ? Everything !

Your not weak and you should not be ashamed. Remember its about Progression not perfection.

Please think about it, It would be such a shame for you to leave just because you might think that we think your weak, remember we are you, we understand your pain and we understand this illness.

Take care, be kind to yourself

Blondie xx

thanks for posting hun.....and

.....ps ,and also just to say....if you're thinking about leaving cos you feel your letting others down..then please reconsider... xxx

You know what Joan , I rarely think i'm letting anyone down even at my worst...know why? cos i'm perfect! a codependant and a big martyr of course!!!! lol ; ) xx

Come and jump on my diary a while.....got my high horse tethered outside...(((xxxx))))

R and D xxx

Hi Joan

Keep sticking with it I know exactly how ur feeling it will pass and u will get stronger for it , always remember we're all here for u

Take care and stay strong

Castle2

Joan

It gives me great sadness to read your addiction won over the recent battle, but an even darker cloud decends when you talk of giving up your diary, with a brave humility and emmense courage you my dear friend waged war against this addiction, regroup, rearmed you will have many more battles, I know your efforts will win the war, by your side unconditionally I stand.

Be kind to yourself joan today you did something amazing , just for today.

Be proud, I am

Duncs stepping forward never back

joan

Carl

hi ((((Joan.))))..

Just seen your post on Flaggs thread....truthfully welling up...great to see you from the bottom of my heart.

R and D xx

G'morning all: I just wanted to say thank-you for all of your support and understanding. I am deeply humbled. To me, you are all heroes.

Hi Diary:

It's been 2 days since my last slip. I don't know what happened. I can't keep going over it. It happened and I cannot change that. I can only go forward. I am still deeply disappointed in myself. I don't get what part of I CAN'T DO THIS that I do not understand. I am not a stupid woman. I am not a lazy woman. I am a foolish cg who thought that I could go and have a little fun with 100 bucks. I went, and lost it in less than an hour. I was pi ss ed off. Swearing all of the way home. I got nothing from the experience but, pain, pi ss a tivity, and disappointment. I was ashamed and did not want to show my cyber face. I thought about just white washing the whole event but, I didnt want to lie. I am a recovering alcoholic that knows deep down inside we are only as sick as our secrets. This is a program that demands rigorous honesty. The very least I can do is tell the truth... I could write a novel about my feelings-- about how sad I've been, about how angry I've been.. WHATEVER! I was talking to a friend the other day. She is going through a divorce. She was perseverating over something her ex said to her. I asked her, why do you keep obsessing over what he said? You know what he said was untrue and that he only said it to hurt you. Now, here you are torturing yourself by obsessing about it --it's as if you are sitting in the corner with a pin and repeatedly sticking yourself over and over again. Why do you choose to keep reliving that lie he said about you?? As soon as I said it --it dawned on me.. I DO THIS! I remember in AA we used to say " if you spot it, you got it." lol.. well well. She said, joan, I just love listening to you. You are so wise. I laughed and said, no, dear, I'm just old. lol.. Well, I guess there is no fool like and old fool... So, time for action: I have decided to get up an hour or two early every day to ensure that I have alone time in front of my computer. I have asked Flagg if I could join the next challenge. I cannot count days but, I did mark day 1 on my calendar and I think that a goal date would be just what I need right now. Self exclusion from this out of state sh it hole is a must. I think that's it for now. To anyone reading my diary. Have a great day. Say no, just for today to that piece of sh it gambling. I apologize for all of the cursing.. 🙁 -joanxx

HI Joan,

Amazing, so pleased your going to stick around. You curse away girl .

I love the "If you spot it you got it" a bit like my light bulb moments, when our hearts and minds are open its wonderful to have those moments good or bad, it means today I know something that i didnt know yesterday and I will use it to my advantage.

I agree with your friend you are a very wise lady,

Have a great day.

Take care

Blondie xxx

Thanks ((((Rach and Blondie))))

G'morning Diary,

I crossed off another gamble free day on my calendar. The plan for today is to be patient with myself. Patience and acceptance are clearly growth areas for me. I have had to grapple with alot of strong emotions lately, and unfortunately, fight or flight, 0-60, is all I know. I have a long way to go before I can pop it into cruise, relax, and enjoy the scenery. I'm not affraid of a little work. And, that is just it. If I want something I have got to work for it. I cannot press a button and hope for dumb luck to catapult me to the next level. It isnt chance. It's hard work and determination. I can do this if I take it in smaller steps. When I had major abdominal surgery a few years ago, the surgeon said that I could get back to doing the usual as long as I took it slowly. He told me whatever you do.. do not attempt to use a vacuum cleaner for at least 3 weeks. That was the hardest 3 weeks of my life. But, I had to heal from the inside, and if I pushed too hard I could set myself back. Same thing with major emotional/spiritual surgery. I need to give myself TIME to heal before I make my next attempt to run with the pack. It's hard not to get envious of those with more experience or more time under thier belts but, this is not a competition. Every time that I pick myself up and continue on I have achieved a new personal best and that's what it's about. To anyone reading my diary lesson learned: don't be affraid of a little humility. When life breaks us we are given the opportunity to get stronger in the broken places. Easy Does It. -joanxx

Joan.

I can so relate to your post today, and conclude with this my friend.

Gamble free TIME is something we afford ourselves,it is best of all free!!!!

Duncs just for today stepping forward never back.

hey Joan

Great to "see you"..pop in anytime to my diary..virtual cuppa joe always on the go for ya! xx

Shiny talks of the middle lane as we know but for a long time I did'nt have a lane at all!..going in the slow lane for a while is a good idea Joan..at as steady pace being kind to you ..number one.

Think I will probably always be a bad driver,switching lanes lol....but like the slogan says..progress,...

Today im not aiming at staying in a lane but the gap between me switching is getting longer and longer...so that's a good sign..

hugs and hugs (((((((((J)))))))))

R and D xx