fresh start

Loaded with cold and feel like s**t. No gambling of any kind today though

Hey big man.
I have just joined the forum but have read your diary and followed it quite closely. Just want to wish you all the best, everyone on here knows how you feel. Keep your chin up!

Hi Graeme

How are you and how's it going? Are you going strong?

Remember to forget - keep doing that daily mate ie keep telling yourself that money is gone from before and remember the pain and embarrassment caused when you lost it. Stay out of the bookies at all costs man. But don't become consumed by the negativity... Let it go, do the best you can in your day (use your experience as inspiration if you like), then give yourself the same stimulus the next day.

One day at a time mate. Don't let that dreaded machine suck you in and send you into 2019 a broken man.

Enough is enough.

(I know your mum has the card but that won't stop you cooking up schemes to get money when you feel weak... Remember you will be miles weaker if you succumb to those urges)

Hope you're feeling better after your illness.

Feel a hell of a lot better signalman. No not been on them dreaded machines have to keep telling myself they have not only cost me a hell of a lot of money but 2 relationships. Still sickens me what I did 3000 in a couple of hours probably not even that. But I need to keep that feeling inside so I don’t go on them again.

Fair enough mate. Whatever it takes to keep you away from them buddy.

Hey big man.
Thank you for your post. I know times are tough for us all right now, especially this time of year. I stumbled apon your diary a few months back and have looked in now and again. I want to thank you...Your brutally honest posts have helped me more than you will know. I am aware that I will never be cured and I think I have out all the stops in place that I can. In my younger days I used the fobt's like you. I used to know what the number was before the wheel stopped spinning. I know how powerful the lure can be and how dangerous they are. I was that well known in the bookies I would even go to the nights out paid by the enemy. They say the numbers are random generated but u beg to differ. I would not be surprised if there is a big scandal about them in years to come. Anyway, my journey to recovery just beginning. The money I have lost does not matter. I don't mean to speak out of turn but you know the pain of someone else bringing up your kids and so do I. I posted on signalmans thread that everytime I drop my daughter off at her mum's and know that her partner is there is like ten thousand needles in my heart. Many a time when u dropped her off I would lose hundreds. That has been my trigger for the last few years. Not only knowing I am a part time dad but knowing I caused it and it's my fault. I think what I am trying to say is don't be too hard on yourself. One day at a time. I wish you all the best and I know you can stay strong. Always keep the chin up big man!

Hey big man.
All the best for the coming year. Hope its a good one. Stay strong

Just seen your post from the 28th mate. I hate been a part time dad to my daughter mate. The ex has never had a relationship after me as far as I know so never had to take my daughter back and been another fella there. If that had happened years ago it would have killed me seeing another bloke bringing my daughter up. I feel for you mate having to do that, have you met her new partner?. As long as your daughter happy mate that’s the main thing she first before everything else. I know we have both put gambling first but that was our addiction our love is for our daughters. I’m not over my last gambling episode on the fobt but I know if I make it till April life will be better

As for my son who a year and 6 months I know the ex has been with somebody else. But because I don’t see him I have not had to deal with it. I have never met family lik hers and it’s for the best I don’t get involved. But in the future who knows if he tracks me down. Might sound harsh but I’m just speaking the truth

I be honest went in betting shop and lost £45 playing deal or no deal. Not roulette but still been on them machines feel like I have let myself down.

Boro
Fella I would start by losing the shirt fella, every time I see your thread pop up I smile at the fact that it endorses gambling.
Does that sub consciously make your gambling acceptable for you.
Secondly my old friend nothing will change if nothing changes.
Blocks, ga, counselling...........
Foremost the desire to stop playing the dream breaker.
You staked ВЈ3000 pounds in a machine that has a maximum jackpot of £500.
Something that I repeatedly did for over twenty years, whether it a fobt or fruit machine.
Stake more than I could win in a single spin.
My mind was so hell bent on feeding the urge I couldn't see it.
Why don't you buy one of those big money boxes that you can't open and save the note's with every urge and if your son contacts you in the future gift it to him.
Change awaits, you have to want it more than addiction wants you.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

The thing is duncan I have lost being a full time dad to both my daughter and son and basically ruined 2 relationships because of it. Lost thousands of pounds but still do it, got gamstop on me phone, mam got me cashcard. I never beat it in my opinion it’s about managing it. Having blocks in place like you said. The thing is now I ain’t in any debt or anything but I have no life gambling has pretty much ruined. I always respect what you have achieved Duncan and your diary is one I always read always have

But I kno what you mean I only comment after a loss. But yeah n the 5 years or so being on here I pretty much check daily even if I don’t comment

Boro.
Fella don't take offence but you didn't answer my question.
Your profile picture is one of a man that is endorsing gambling.
A walking advert.
You have lost the contact of your children through your active feeding of addiction.
My hope is one day that you will find a way to see that without placing a punt in a bookmakers you will show them that they mean more than feeding addiction.
You write today like a fella that has nothing left but to chase the dreams addiction makes you believe that are all that are available.
I beg to differ.
Put all the blocks in place that are at your desposall and the next punt will be impossible.
The ones you have are breakable, change is available.
You have to want that more.
Fella you can create opportunities.
Abstain and maintain. Duncs

To be honest Duncan forgot what profile picture I had and like you said it’s an advert for gambling. I didn’t get what you were meaning until you said profile picture.