keep on keeping on x

whats your poison of choice?

i wont say the name of the slot game but its the only one i ever played. the difference between ruining your month and getting out of trouble was getting 3 x symbols of a girl in a white outfit supposedly something to do with the lady of the lake.

most of the time she never came when you really needed her to.

but sometimes while my partner slept on oblivious next to me i used to punch the air and celebrate wildly (but quietly) at 4 oclock in the morning when after a night with no sleep and hours and hours and several hundreds of pounds with £4-00 left in my account id get three of these girls get some free spins with maybe some repeat free spins and live to fight another day.

weirdly last 3 days ive been having flashes where i see her , at work, on the train . i guess its when your mind is so focussed on a particular symbol for such long periods of time you can see it anywhere. i imagine this will pass in time.

Allen Carr in his smoking book famously said that smoking was like wearing shoes 2 sizes too small all day for the pleasure that you get when you take them off at night - i think this can be applied to my affliction.

best wishes to all , stay strong and keep on keeping on x

sweetcorn

the absolutely bizarre and frightening circumstances around the experience of being in the grip of addiction to online slots is summed up in the tale of a simple can of sweetcorn.....

last Monday , at a well known UK supermarket making purchases for the evening's dinner i needed a tin of sweetcorn.

picked up the green giant 65p - put it down, picked up the own brand 49p - that will do nicely.

approximately 2 1/2 hours later - playing online slot at £4-00 a spin ......

praying silently (and in vain) for 3 x free spins symbols that never come

best wishes to all , keep on keeping on X

day 1 again today - thankfully there's no financial damage just more annoyed with myself. spent ages trying to find a casino to join not blocked by gamstop- its actually not at all easy but i found one eventually but theres a lot of going through the irritating registration process only to be knocked back at the end , great job by the gamstop people .I did the usual - chased three of the woman in white on the slots broke even cashed out and self exluded with no major harm done apart from the annoyance of being back to day 1 and the realisation that this thing has a tighter grip on me than i probably like to admit to myself. It bothers me because in many other aspects of life i am not a weak person. I think im a risk taker type of person who constantly needs a buzz from something and bizarrely even being hundreds of pounds down in the middle of the night only to get a couple of wins and break even gives me the buzz. when you dont get back to even and go even further down then its a submersion into blackness , self-disgust, regret before a period of self-justification followed by repeating the cycle.

anyway, day 1 push on, good luck to everyone else on the journey , keep on keeping on

I really enjoyed reading your posts about the woman in white, as this is a scenario that I am always stuck in, except me in is 3 Romans that give a lucky spin of 4 potential bonues.

I would chase these at a huge financial cost and then be over the moon when they rolled in, only to spin the wheel and get the worst bonus that never really made me feel any better, but made me chase to get the bonus again and hope for a better bonus on the spin wheel. I would go hours upon hours chasing that 'good' bonus, but what was I really achieving? Zilch!

By the time I got the good bonus, I was so much out of pocket that even the better win never even brought me back to close to even.

Luckily, I am 16 days in, still feeling very vulnerable and still seeing 3 bonus Romans in my sleep and day dreaming of them.

To deal with these visioins, I am trying to programme my brain to think of these 3 bonus symbols as actually signs of bad luck rather than a bonus, I try to change the figure of them to something bad for each one, for example: Roman 1 depicts me sleeping on the streets. Roman 2 depicts me being sent down in court and Roman 3 depicts me standing on a bridge thinking of ending it all!

It has started to work for me and makes me feel slightly sick everytime I think of that certain bonus on that certain slot machine.

thanks for sharing that JA shows i havent totally lost my mind. I think you reach the point where all other symbols apart from the woman in white/monkey/roman soldier - are insignificant to you as only a bonus / free spins are going to help and your eyes eventually are just looking for them, therefore even when you are not playing you are subconsciously looking for them.

I have done some extensive research today and have been unable to find an online casino that will sign me up due to the many exclusions plus gamstop that I have in place so its a good starting point. congrats on 16 days , day 1 for me but its all positive from here. keep on keeping on

day 2 GF , have to work all bank holiday weekend but should finish early each day so will hopefully get some sun. the urges to gamble are strong but i physically cant due to gamstop and all the self exclusions which is brilliant especially as i get paid tomorrow which used to always lead to some reckless behaviour on the slots. So its all good and the urges im sure will reduce over time. To be honest i have had the odd mad episode over the years which have been quite isolated but this has only really gripped me since the start of the year but it has been intense, dominating everything - relationships, affected work as well as finances. its not that long ago 6 months or so when i didnt think about gambling from 1 day to the next - this is where i need to go back to.

to anybody reading this with issues with the slots online, chasing 3 x women in white, monkeys, romans or whatever it is then i cannot recommend enough , self exclude from every site you can find and sign up to gamstop, especially if you are early stages like me and the urges are strong . someone else has called it the 'devil in my ear' which i think is brilliant.

get excluded,

get angry at being mugged off and exploited,

get annoyed at these companies targetting the vulnerable

get infuriated by their token gesture pretending to care 'responsible gaming' - they dont care - they want your money and it doesnt matter whose lives get destroyed along the way including partners, kids , families of the addicted

when the fun stops, stop but we will keep bombarding you until you start again.

keep on keeping on

day 3 GF - payday , paid out what i needed to , got my season ticket for next seasons football so thats a tick in the box - paid it in full earlybird price - earlier in the year i would have spent the money and signed up to pay it monthly . Positive, the whole thing feels different today somehow, no urges as of yet and the hallucinations of the 3 x women in white have stopped. if i get urges its pretty pointless due to the various exclusions and gamstop. only outlet ive got now is arcades/slots in the bookies but to be honest thats never really been my thing so not concerned about that, so feel pretty positive, be happier when theres a few more days GF on the clock. Feels like im now taking control when for so long i was out of control . Interestingly, when i was in the grip of this thing earlier in the year you neglect other stuff not necessarily related to gambling. Since ive taken control of this thing the last few days i also seem to have started to get to grips with some other issues that ive been ignoring which i am now dealing with as well so its all good. Reading a lot of other posts and its heartbreaking some of it and massively encouraging how the forum unites to support people. I dont reply or offer advice as i think at this stage that would be hypocritical due to my own dreadful record of relapsing but I am still fully behind everybody else on here affected by this curse.

stay strong and keep on keeping on x

day 4 GF , working all bank holiday while everyone else enjoys the sunshine but its not too tough and hopefully get away earlyish. plenty of football today obviously , i havent bet on football for some time as despite what the adverts try and tell you that having a bet on a match enhances the experience i think it has the opposite effect and you dont enjoy the game because of what you have riding on it. urges are low , the dreams and hallucinations have stopped and gamstop is doing its job - like a lot of people have said on here how i wish it was available earlier. feel a bit of a fraud as i have told one close friend about these issues and nobody else especially not my partner. i am lucky that i have managed to come out of all this without any lasting damage financially so she doesnt know and despite what everyone says i absolutely cannot tell her or anybody else. to make matters worse a member of the family has had huge issues with gambling which are well known and widely discussed. in those situations where it is discussed you are obliged to comment which is pretty hypocritical , it would also be hugely beneficial to be able to discuss it with the person concerned but thats not going to happen. i know this all goes against every bit of advice ive ever seen on here but i guess its what works for each person individually and from what ive read most people seem to have only owned up to partners when they had little choice not to as they were in too deep.

anyway have a great GF bank holiday , get out in the sunshine , sign up to Gamstop if you havent already and keep on keeping on.

day 2 GF , annoyed the GF period is broken , best ive managed all year was 28 days. Facing the realisation that this is a tough habit to break. relapsed twice since last post once was a couple of days after last post on an online casino not covered by gamstop that resulted in a modest win , withdrew it and self excluded - no harm done apart from breaking the GF period and the realisation that i am a long way from beating this.

went another 5 days or so GF and on monday through nothing else but boredom found another casino not covered by gamstop. absolute garbage - No recognisable games all c**P graphics, c**P features etc but you know the gamblers mind doesnt care about graphics - still played and lost £100 relatively quickly , so annoyed with myself and offended by the casino concerned for not having the decency to allow me to win money.

This is when i am at my most dangerous -I then convinced myself in the gamblers mind that the only way that i could possibly be happy would be to go to the bookies on the way home and win back the £100 that those b******s had so unfairly and crookedly taken off me,

did this and went straight on the FOBTs in the bookies and several cashpoint visits later i did actually get back the £100 several miserable hours later and make an overall profit of £15-00 . £15-00 for spending a who;e day stressed and distracted and indoors when it was such a beautiful day. Furthermore if i hadnt been 'lucky' enough to win back that £100 how much would i have pumped in , when would i have stopped ? probably when i couldnt get any more out of the hole in the wall. Scary Times.

positives -

no harm done financially , (more luck than judgement)

i walked away when i got my £100 back couldve easily stayed and pumped it back in

realised that the only sites not self excluded from or blocked by gamstop are garbage anyway so wont bother

negatives

back to day 2 GF could be on 133 if id stayed GF since joining this

still clearly addicted, acting like an addict, thinking like an addict

hoping now the online option is out of the question it doesnt now push me to the FOBTs

anyway day 2 onwards and upwards. busy next few days so i will be GF8 before i even get a chance to think about gambling.

congratulations to everyone here who is taking on their demons , thanks to the people that reply and offer help and encouragement as this also helps and encourages the people reading it not just the intended recipient. i dont tend to reply as i would then be the worlds biggest hypocrite

All the best to all , keep on keeping on

GF3 - good times, no real urges , plenty going on keeping me occupied. think thats the problem, gambling driven by boredom needing a buzz, like some on here got entered involuntarily into the work world cup sweep - pulled out Senegal !!

not counting it as gambling as it wasnt my choice and it wont return any winnings anyway

stay GF today everybody and keep on keeping on x

shake the disease wrote:

sweetcorn

the absolutely bizarre and frightening circumstances around the experience of being in the grip of addiction to online slots is summed up in the tale of a simple can of sweetcorn.....

last Monday , at a well known UK supermarket making purchases for the evening's dinner i needed a tin of sweetcorn.

picked up the green giant 65p - put it down, picked up the own brand 49p - that will do nicely.

approximately 2 1/2 hours later - playing online slot at £4-00 a spin ......

praying silently (and in vain) for 3 x free spins symbols that never come

best wishes to all , keep on keeping on X

I made a similar post to this about going round the supermarket hunting for “whoopsies” to save a few pence, then spending £30 on the lottery counter. Most gamblers I’ve spoken to are intelligent people, however all that is lost when we’re in the thick of it!

You’re doing brill well done on your success

cheers Leedsfan lets see if i can keep GF longer than LUFC keep their new manager!

day 10 GF for me , been a while since ive got to double figures so really happy with that. Been really busy in work and at home was away for the weekend, Ive not had the opportunity to relapse due to being busy and also thanks to Gamstop (cannot recommend it highly enough , get on it people if you havent already). More importantly Ive not really had the urges either which is significant for someone who has gambled constantly since the start of the year. Having some work done at home and Ive also had to make some big outlays of money for a few things but im made up because all this has been done without massively loading up the credit card and probably using money that previously i would have handed over to a ruthless faceless greedy corporation based in a distant country because not content with emptying the bank accounts of vulnerable people in this country they also dont want to pay tax, i reckon what little has gone on the cc will be cleared next month so happy days and ive paid for my holiday in august outright already.

i was delighted yesterday to see a major company get fined 2 million pounds after they let a problem gambler spend £785k in 2 years and despite them admitting they had a problem on 22 occasions this company made them a VIp member and gave them free bonuses.

to everyone out there good luck in continuing to try and shake the disease, stay strong , take the power back and keep on keeping on x

day 11 GF not much to report , enjoying the world cup , just watching games without ruining them by putting bets on them.

another busy weekend ahead so will have neither the opportunity or the inclination to relapse. looking like a scorcher next week as well even in the frozen north of england where i now live so its beer gardens, outdoor pool at the gym, reading the paper in the back garden, walking the dog , ice creams and fresh air as opposed to staying up all night staring at your phone , freaking out waiting for a free spins bonus that MIGHT get you out of the s**t or sitting on a stool in the bookies pumping twenty pound notes in the FOBT for 8 hours getting pitiful looks from the staff while other helpless souls s***k their weeks wages on roulette sat next to you. I'll drink to that ......

have a great weekend , take the power back and keep on keeping on .

didnt realise we werent allowed to say sp unk. its american for courage and can also mean to waste something - normally money. what a load of ********!