Are therapies essential to recovery, therapies help us articualte and expose our true feelings, therapies reduce our fears and help our trust grow, therapies help us relate to our past experiences.

Hi

On day one walking in to the recovery prgram I was so inept inadequate insecure and felt that getting my money back I lost would heal and resolve my pains not healed.

It took time for me to move on from talking about money lost and about being in action or having the buzz.

The feelings of guilt shame regret anger resntments impatience intolerance procrastinating and not letting go indicated that I was not able to heal my pains.

Now I understand that my addictions abnd obsessions were a form of escaping in my fears. 

My adrenaline rush was due to high levels of fears that were consequences of the pains of my youth.

What were my fear based issues, my feelings of being stressed out was fear based.

My feelings of anxiety was fear based.

And sadly once my fears go to high of levels I reached a dangerour point of sheer panic.

When panicked I could not think things out clearly, I would often lie to my self and other people.

By lying and decieving so often I would betray people and my self.

The unhealthy addictions were a form of self abuse.

I would work h*r and then give my hard earned money to strangers while I and my family went with out so many things.

Sadly when I was consumed by my addiction or addictions I was nto very healthy and in effect disconnecting my self emotionally from my family.

Sadly I was abandoning my family physically and more foten emotionally.

Because I could not heal my pains I would be sonsumed b guilt shame regret and finished up being filled with hatred some times.

Now I understand that my anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains, my fears and my frsutrations.

In time I would get to understand my emotional triggers.

And loneliness and boredom were also emotional triggers.  

Who do I owe my recovery to.

Well I went to the recovery program because I thought I had money issues.

I went to the recovery program because I did it for my family.

Sadly only when I went to meetings for my self would recovery work for me.

So you get to a point when you are able to abstain from gambling or another unhealthy habit,

What did the word recovery mean to me.

In time I got the light bulb moment, the word recovery means healing.

Yet could I heal from my pains if I did not not admit my pains to myself.

Saying I was fine or not so bad was a lie.

I am a non religious person and I understand that if I can find a healthy recovery and a healthy life any one can religious or not.

The recovery program is not another obsession.

The recovery program helped me understand that I had a hurt inner child in me that could not expose how emotionally vulnerable I was.

As the healing process starts you open up more and learn how to artiulate my feelings and my emotions.

I was in emotional truama and in pain long before my addictions and obsessions came in to play.

I very much disabled my self by living in so many of my deep seated fears.

My deep seated fears caused me to avoid emotional intmacy.

In the recovery program I would learn from my failings and my msiatkes.

What I  found was strange as I got deeper in to my recovery that I got more tested as I got stronger and more healed.

I use to think that I had no value in my self.

I got to understand on my birthday in my recovery was not for me.

That my recovery birthday was not for me, my recovery birthday was for me to thank all the people that helped me find ahealing and a more self sufficient life.

In my recovery I would learn to write down my needs my wants and my goals.

It takes time to peel back that onn and hel my pains.

It takes time to exchange our unhealthy habits in to healthy habits. 

It takes time to peel back the onion and heal the hurt nner child.

What is the biggest impacts of being in my recovery.

I learned to respect my self.

I learned to love my self.

I learned to forgive my self.

I learned to tell my family how much I love and respect them.

I learned to express my gratitude and appreciation to all people.

I learned to interact with all people rather than react in such unhealthy ways.

Love and peace to every one.