compulsive gambling brain

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(@Anonymous)
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Hello everyone. I have been on and off here for a few years. I read alot of posts and am grateful. Today I wanted to post about the brain, my brain and yours too? Do you feel that years of this cg has effected your brain. I know that my brain does recover and is not permanently damaged but it took a beating. My brain and my heart. Almost felt like I was getting a heart attack a few times. My head would throb hard and then be sort of numbed after big losses and long hours of play. It would take weeks to be able to feel okay and the heart condition was the worst right before I reached out for help for the first time many years ago. I am wondering about how gambling has effected your health and different organs of your body. I also got cramps in my feet and legs and repetitive motion injury in the bones of my hand (I could laugh at this one but it's not funny at all, is it?). The last time I gambled one of the employees answered a question for me. A man next to me was cashing out a couple hundred dollar ticket while still playing at a machine. I asked if they were available to cash out tickets while people played at anytime? They said..." We want to keep people at the machines." Wow. That really hit home. tara2

 
Posted : 19th January 2018 3:31 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Another thought about the brain. Lol THOUGHT about the brain. My brain needs and loves logic. My brain wants sense to be made , even of recovery. I always look for meaningful dates , marking points, synchronicities, balancing points, etc. to help me be stronger and more convicted. I also like tarot readings and find them quite meaningful... guidence, validation etc. I used crazy logic with the addicted brain chem. and patterning. I can find a logic that will continue to carry me through as the brain fog keeps lifting. Lots of deal with under that brain fog. Finding the gem, the reason, the meaning, the choices. what a journey. tara2

 
Posted : 19th January 2018 7:03 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)
Posts: 2155
 

Hi

Yes while gambling I have experienced anxiety attacks where the back around my lungs really hurts and I have been taking short sharp breaths.

I have had headaches and serious depression as the reality dawned that I had gambled to extinction again. I think worst of all was walking home on a cold night in a numb state. Many thoughts going through my head which I just couldnt process.

I knew I had to get home where there might be a tin of soup left. There was nowhere else to go but home. At the same time I wanted to sink down to the pavement and cry out for help as if somebody would make it all better.

All of this can only have harmed my health. A gambling addiction is a self destructive illness. It makes no sense other than I was a drug addict for gambling. I craved that feeling of playing at all costs. It could have cost me my life

Now Im free from gambling I could try a find the meaning of it all while my mind healed. Steps must be taken to allow that healing process. Whats scary is how the addiction creates a split mind and bypasses all logic and reasoning.

I know that I must never gamble again and I know it wasnt really fun or entertainment

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

 
Posted : 20th January 2018 9:47 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Gambling creates trauma states in the brain and someone once said to me that they thought they were addicted also to the state of numbness that was brought about for a few days after a huge loss ? I kinda get that. There was a certain floaty feeling, which I would not say was positive or cheery but yes 'floaty' . So floaty that I could stumble while walking. An alcoholic friend one time drank herself to oblivian while I was staying there over night. The next morning she was having a hangover, not puking or anything but ... some kind of post drinking state. And she said, "Oh, how I've wanted to feel like this." I thought , really?". God, I wonder how long it takes for the brain to adapt to going without the addiction. I've heard a good two years. I'm happy to know that the brain will recover. There were times when I could not imagine my brain health coming back. tara2

 
Posted : 21st January 2018 1:28 pm
(@Anonymous)
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https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/addiction-changes-the-brain-s-communication-pathways/

I wonder if you find this of interest

 
Posted : 7th February 2018 10:00 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Itsbeenalonglongtime, I totally appreciate the link that you shared! I hope that others will open the link as well. We have the logical/scientific study of the brain and addiction and we have our experiences of how our brain felt and feels ... along with the rest of our bodies. The last time I gambled I felt pressure in my kidneys and as always some kind of intense pain in the head. Sometimes it was like a tight cap. Other times I felt a lightening like , electrical jolt in areas of my head. Often the base of my skull under the occipital ridge was tight and constricted. And at times I had a headache deep inside the core of my brain which was really scarey. And of coarse the frontal lobes constant firing away with thoughts that create huge anxiety/stress and insomnia. My feet often cramped up during the night. The chest, lungs and heart were weakened ie constricted breath, heart pain and a sick empty feeling in the chest and gut. Coughing! Foggy perception. Thanks to anyone who shares their experiences about how cg effected their own brain and body. I wonder how much better you feel since you've made headway in recovery? Read the articles and studies to understand why and also remember how it felt... arrrgh. Share with others. tara2

 
Posted : 7th February 2018 7:37 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

I have a friend in the US who went to see a pioneering doctor. He believes we have a brain disease. This caused much debate between my friend and I and while I do not believe I have a disease, I think there is firm evidence that our brains do change, neurological pathways can be created in response to behaviour and this is something that will be at the forefront of addiction behaviour studies in the near future.

Tara I wonder if you have come across this before.

http://www.rational.org/index.php?id=59

 
Posted : 8th February 2018 6:12 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

it'sbeen... , I can not open that link but I am curious. My brain feels balanced today. I was faced with anxiety of career choices/ a move and my brain was hosting a war. After I decided what was best for me the war ceased and it took another half of a day to balance out. Last night I slept so well. That said, It's been 9 days since I last gambled and it could be that decision making is impaired from my relapse ... long relapse. tara2

 
Posted : 15th February 2018 7:22 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Tara

We deal with this pain, try to recover from it then go on.the same cycle over and over again. So many of us struggle to get out of it.
I wonder what's broken in my brain or is it just pleasure and compulsion overriding our memory.
I know I simplify it but maybe you get what I mean.

Bullets of the beast. Rational recovery was the link. It can be Googled.

 
Posted : 16th February 2018 4:33 pm
cardhue
(@cardhue)
Posts: 839
 

tara2 wrote:

Another thought about the brain. Lol THOUGHT about the brain. My brain needs and loves logic. My brain wants sense to be made , even of recovery. I always look for meaningful dates , marking points, synchronicities, balancing points, etc. to help me be stronger and more convicted. I also like tarot readings and find them quite meaningful... guidence, validation etc. I used crazy logic with the addicted brain chem. and patterning. I can find a logic that will continue to carry me through as the brain fog keeps lifting. Lots of deal with under that brain fog. Finding the gem, the reason, the meaning, the choices. what a journey. tara2

Hi Tara. I like your various posts but chose this one to respond to. I pretty much agree with you, although would say our brains love 'reasoning' rather than logic. Logic to me implies sound and rational reasoning. Logic is a big positive in my book. It speaks of universal truth. When we're gambling we're far from sound and rational. There's all sort of FLAWED REASONING going on. We're liers.

I learnt recently that whenever we make any kind of decision, the decision is made before we're aware we've made a decision/ before it hits our consciousness (before we actually have the thought and action). This has been proven through brain scanning. We then make some kind of reason to justify what was already decided. So if you say to me, 'name any city in the UK', and I say 'Birmingham'. You ask me why I said Birmingham, and then I'll probably try and justify it by saying 'oh i was talking to someone about house prices in Birmingham yesterday. That's why'. No, that's just my mind trying to give false reasoning. I don't know why I said Biringham in this very example. Why didn't I say Halifax?

I'm interested in this as the problem with gambling is that we make all kind of reasoned decisions to continue getting a fix. My thread title is Killing Zombie. But that's nonsense to describe myself as a zombie. In fact, throughout my 14 odd years, every single hour I was in action, and most hours outside of action, would include constant reasoning to keep in action. I wasn't really walking around like a zombie. I probably appeared that way to many but the reason giving machine was on overdrive.

I think when people stop for a significant period, it's too easy to write off their period of action gambling as if the person doing the gambling back then, is different to the abstinent me who exists now. I was just mad then/possessed. I'm different now. I think that's unhelpful. You're always you, from now right the way back to when you were crying like a baby in your cot. My mind still tries to give reasons to anything. But at least I don't gamble now and so the reason giving machine concentrates in different areas.

What I'm saying is basically that you can't trust your thoughts, particularly when you're an addict. The bottom line is you have an overwhelming urge for a fix and between you and the fix, you'll create a whole bunch of reasoning in your journey towards the fix. Which is scary in a sense. If you can't trust yourself then who can you trust. That's why I think it's helpful to embrace some kind of ethically sound framework to enter recovery and to really commit to it.

That's also why I find meditation really useful, for developing that habit of creating some space - space in between the constant reasoning, feelings, urges etc. Space to try and decide whether if going down X route is really aligned with you are and who you want to be.

All the best.

Louis

 
Posted : 18th February 2018 3:17 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)
Posts: 2155
 

Another superb post from Louis which gets to the heart of it

It is so scary because as you say if you cant trust yourself who can you trust. This is why we have a hard time coming to terms with it all.

I feel its too easy to think our brains are wired in a certain way without going to the deep roots of the problem. Its one of those addictions that can seem caused by 1000 reasons or no reason. I know its a symptom of deep issues within us. It is my drug of escape. Some people drink smoke and take class A drugs. I turned to gambling in the same way...it was a craving and a soothing shot in the arm mixed in with a primordial soup of other feelings

I have been in denial my whole life. I could say that in a sense I havent really been able to make head nor tail of life which confuses me, I want everything and I want nothing at the same time. I have the thoughts but dont apply myself. I build up a protective barrier around me of delusion and false vanity. All or nothing feelings play right into a gambling mentality

I drift into jobs that any aquaintance recommends I try and Ive been doing that since I left school. Ive been a complete dreamer which is maybe to hide feelings of low self esteem. Its no wonder I failed because I set myself up to fail...what did I expect from a starter dead end office job? I didnt feel worthy and I have been rejected many times. I suffered from a crippling shyness based on body image and not really being able to face a tough world.

I flunked my A levels because I has already been offered some tea boy starter job in a bank. I really didnt have a clue. I assumed that the world owed me a living but was conditioned by a state education system. I am my own worst enemy and delusional which has been the hardest thing to come to terms with. In many ways that remains the truth but I am not gambling now.

I wanted the land of milk and honey for little or no work and felt stuck in grey northern towns. Life began to bore me from an early age or at least the life I was expected to lead...work hard.... provide for a family etc. I created my own prison too scared to travel the world and experience things. I felt money held me back and I have had a funny relationship with money all my life.

I am warm. I have a roof over my head my but mind has constant thoughts about failure. Where is the book I should have wrotten or band I should have joined? My life feels like its been in a constant state of limbo and the fix I wanted from gambling was a be nice to me cos nobody else is type of fix. Its also a be cruel to me and punish me if you must feeling. Its those feelings that must have been part of the craving. The feeling of expectation, dopamine adrenaline....call it what you want ....is a strong one and part of being human flesh and blood

I have just seen a video about someone who lost 55 million dollars gambling over 20 years. He still seems very wealthy but the mind boggles about the power of the gambling fix.

That is just my outpouring but I cant really add to what Louis is saying.

" If you can't trust yourself then who can you trust. That's why I think it's helpful to embrace some kind of ethically sound framework to enter recovery and to really commit to it."

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

 
Posted : 18th February 2018 6:40 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

"If you can not trust yourself then who can you trust?" Got it! thx. louis and joydivider. tara2

Also 'it's been an long time" thx. for the google link! Just what I wanted and needed to read in this moment. tara2

 
Posted : 21st February 2018 5:03 am

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