HiÂ
Gambling establishments never lied and stole my money.
Gambling establishments were places I went to escape in my fears and cause pain on my self.
Gambling establishments were an un healthy place for me t go when I was emotionally vulnerable.
Some people can gamble win or lose they can walk away, for me that is not so.
Every time I went back to Gambling indicated that I was not coping well emotionally.
I use to think that I loved Gambling but I now know it was me living on adrenalne rush, the bigger the risk the bigger the buzz.
I like many people walked in to the recovery program feeeling like I was a loser low self low low self esteem, feeling guilty and shamed as to how many times I went against my own conscience hurting my self adn hurting my family.
In time I got to understand that recovery for me means healing my pains.
In time I got to understand that I had certain emotional triggers, pains not being healed, fears not being faced or reduced, my frsutrations due to my unreasonable expectatations of people life and people.
How could I blame other people for the pain I was causing my self.
By attending recovery meetings I got wise about my self.
By attending recovery meetings I got to open up in terapy and understand how to process my feelings and emotions in amuch healthy way.
In the meetings I fears would reduce, I would be able to learn how to a rticualte my feelings and emotions, my fears reduced my trust grew and I gained a healthy connection with people and I felt humbled to being an equal to all people in the room.
The honest therapies help me become more settled in my self, as my fear reduced my intimacy with my self and others grew.
In time I found that having intimacy was also helping me heal the hurt inner child in me.
In time I was able to share my intimacy which I had in the recovery room with my family.
In time I was able to hand over my finances to my wife, in time I got to trust my self with money.
By me trying to control people and situations just indicated how inadequate and insecure I was with in myself.
It is strange how much fear I had in me walking in to recovery back in 1971, and today the people in the rooms know me more than I know my self.
The recovery meetings are a place where I learned to heal my pains, reduce my fears, but more importantly to become the healthiest person I can be today.
Just for TODAY only I will not gamble.
Just for TODAY only I will exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Healing loe and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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