Why did I have such unhealthy addiction and obsessions, what were my emotional triggers, can a person love a self abuse addiction, can a non religious person find a healthy life.

Why did I have such unhealthy addictions and obsessions, was it a form of emotional escape, was it fear based, how long had I been an emotional vulnerable person.

What were my emotional triggers, for me my pains I was not able to heal, sadly pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand and could not face or reduce.

Can a person love a self abuse addiction, no healthy love is about healthy fealress emotional intimacy, no healthy love is about healthy being fearless and have healthy growing trust with a healthy person.

Can a non religious person find a healthy life, yes if we have a healthy conscience heal our pains and reduce our fears, I am very much a healthy spirtual person, when I go against my own conscience I cause m self pains and guilt.

How many people doubt them and do not trust them self, how many people fear having close intimacy with another person because the hurt inner child feas being hurt again.

For me the addictions and obsesssions just indicate how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.

How emotionally vulnerable I use to be in the past tense, how well am I able to heal my pains today.

Having such high levels of fears caused me to feel such a loner.

How many times in the past was I a person pleaser.

How many times in the past was I puttting on a facade to hide the real me.

In a recovery program we find ways to abstain from unhealthy habits of esscape.

Once we give up each of our unhealthy habits and exchange them for healthy habits our recovery becomes easier.

By giving up unhealthy habits and exchange to healthy habits we are becoming much more sprtually healthy.

In my time step 4 was the one step that people feared the most.

I feared Step 4  because as a child when I wasked to be honest I was punished for it.

So I thought being honest was very painful.

Deep emotional intimacy comes from reducing our fears.

Only  when I loved my self could I love another person.

Only  when I respected my self could I respected another person.

By respecting my self and with healing I found a voise where I could set healthy boundaries.

By me having healthy boundaries I am no longer willing to be the victim.

By being in recovery the age gap in my emotional age in time reduced.

No matter when my last bet was I do not want or need to gamble today.

Just for today I do not want or need to gamble today.

I did two years of karate and after that dedicated time of doing it understood that I feared aggression.

For me that feared aggression came from my father transferring his unhealthy aggression and lashing out at me. 

Also when I saw children recieving healthy intimaty affection and nurturing I use to think I was the problem.

Yes it is very sad that my parents could not give me what I both wanted and needed.

Gratitude and appreciation is an expression of my healthy values.

Fur sure it is not a*s kisssing or person pleasing it is about my showing my healthy spirtual values.

Being consumed by fears my life was a very lonely life.

Healing Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckeham