Don’t really know where and how to start.
Don’t even know what support or advice I need or want. My partner is a gambling addict. I am with him for a 14 years and we have 3 kids. I know about his problems almost from the beginning and I haven’t done anything about it but feels like now is the time. Feels like I don’t have no more strength to deal with his lies, with him stilling my money, with him no giving me money from rent and bills and putting our kids in risk.
Have enough of crying and pretending everything is ok.
I don’t think I even have strength to give him support or to fight for this relationship. After every situation I want to believe it was a last time and he is going to change but of course it never does. Each time I told him he need to move out that I have enough but never did anything to set up the boundaries. The thing is he and the kids are my only family here in the UK. Told him few times he has to move out but of course I can’t just tell him to leave where he doesn’t have place to stay. Few days ago found out he still from me agin and I went mad, told him he need to leave the next day and that night he left the house without saying anything and he switch off his phones. In the morning when I realised he isn’t there I was terrified because few times before he said is better for him to disappear, like he wants to take him life. He came back and of course he started to say things for me to say sorry for him but I feel like he is manipulating me.
he said he is doing something about his addiction and he went for help but when I ask for proves all he says is “ I am and don’t need to prove you anything” part of me wants to believe him but other part is saying that this isn’t true and that is part of his game.
Really don’t know what to do. I can’t stay with him anymore but don’t know what to do.
Any advice ?
Hello "pink_candy"
Welcome to our Forum and thank you for sharing your story within our community.
The strength it takes to deal with this for so long is undeniable. It can take its toll on you and it's natural to feel lost as to where to turn to next. Amongst all of this you have three children who you're needing to comfort and protect too.
There is a concern with the actions exhibited by your partner and the risk it poses to yourself and your three children. Stealing money from yourself and depriving you of money needed to maintain a home and food on the table is financial abuse and it puts you and your children at risk each time it occurs. You can access additional information by visiting https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/ for information on local support services, or by contacting the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247; a 24/7 helpline there to listen and support you.
We are also here 24/7 and would suggest you reaching out to our helpline on 0808 8020 133, or by accessing our live chat here - https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/. Our advisers are here to listen and give you a warm and non-judgemental space. Whilst it can be an incredibly distressing experience, it can be even more difficult when you feel you're on your own and we can help you to explore ways to connect with other people who have had similar experiences so you always feel you have someone to talk to. We can also arrange ongoing support for yourself to meet a variety of needs you may have around the situation with your partner's gambling.
Please reach out and get the support you deserve, all of which is free of charge.
Thank you,
Steven
Forum Admin
Hi Steven,
thank you so much for your reply and for all the information. I know I have to do some action but completely don’t know where to start. Even talking to someone is so difficult because don’t want to put my problems on someone and it seems no one understand my situation and it feels like maybe I am overthinking, that maybe is not so bad or such a big deal. Each time something happens I feel like I am loosing my mind, I know he took my money but because he always denies I question myself and there is no way I can do something about it.
I confront him few day ago asking if he is able to prove me he is doing something with his addiction and to give me full access to his account, all he said was I am doing something and I will think about it. And I am sure he won’t do any of what I have asked.
Decision about leaving him was growing inside me for a couple of years and feels I have to do this for sake of myself and my kids. I can’t help him when he is not ready to get help and the whole situation is just destroying my and kids life. The only problem is I don’t have where to go and when I asked him to move out he says he will but at the end he never does.
Not quite sure there is anything I can do in my situation.
Don't worry he will not take away his life. They never do they just talk. 14 years is a very long time. I am with mine for a year. I am pregnant and I want to leave him. I think maybe then he will see? Or not? I wonder if he loses us if he will finally change.
Hey
yes I want to believe he won’t take his life, seems he is only saying it for me to feel bad for him.
I found out when I was pregnant with my first child , still remember the feeling. I was sure he will change foe me and the baby… never did and now I have 3 kids with him and seems I am stuck.
What I can advise you and what I never did is to take the consequences of his actions and ask for commitments. My was only telling me he will stop, that he is sorry etc but he never did and I never did anything about it. Now I feel like enough is enough and I want him to move out just don’t know how can I do that as he say he will but he is still here.
Every case is different though
Hi pink_candy
We have similar problem in family as my brother in law is compulsive gambler for many years. We tried to help him but it looks like he will always find his way to the gambling path. I know how hard it's for you to watch it and listen to all lies. Looking at my sister in law I always think sooner she start thinking about herself and child the better. Gambling is illness and if gamblers do not see it as illness there's no power to force them.
I really hope you'll find strength.
Ps. Regarding suicidal thoughts: when my brother in law started dating his now wife we said that she needed to know the truth about his addiction and problems. He said because he had been clear for a while we had no right to do it and he would take his life if we discuss with her anything of it. He tried to blackmail us twice this way. I believe that it's illness so gamblers don't control themselves and say anything sometimes to punish family, sometimes to control the narration, sometimes to control the victim and in this case you are the victim of this illness.
Stay strong and I believe everything will be clearer for you
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