Hello all,
For 6 years now my dad has been asking me for money and no matter how much i try and say i cant keep doing it he keeps asking.
It all started in 2011 when he asked me to take out a £10,000 loan for him, which he said at the time was to help him get back on his feet after divorce with my mum, i was 19 at the time and stupidly fell for it.
A few years later it started becoming a regular occurrence, he would ask me to borrow £100 every month and i kept giving in.
In 2015 he admitted he had a gambling problem to me and my brother, i knew he gambled but not to the extent it happened to be, around £120,000 lost in 4 years.
He has been at his new job for a year now and has been paying me back £200 a month as it got to stage where he owed me £4000. Out of the blue last week he asked me to lend him £100 and he promised it wasn't due to gambling.
I dont know if he is gambling but the fact he has asked me to lend him money shows he is still in a lot of debt.
I have had this for 6 years and kept it secret from all my family and a few years ago it was really doing me in and effecting me to the point where i had a few counselling sessions as i had to keep looking out for him whilst keeping it secret from everyone.
Just after any advice from anyone thanks
Hi cm3003, I've just looked at your threads because I've seen you around the site. You are a gambler too? There are parents in your position too. How to say no? How to not pay the debt? Wives, etc. Reality is stop giving him money, go buy him food, pay a bill direct. Do not hand over money. Stop lying for him, stop keeping secrets. Go to GA, call gamcare. Get help for you. Change your behaviour. Secrets enable gambling to continue. You need support, he needs support, you both need to stop repeating the same scenario. Get help, proper real help. Good luck!
Would refer you back to the advice on previous threads and suggest that you attend GA to help break the cycle for future generations.
CW
I dont have any advice, but am in a very similar situation with my dad and I know how it feels. The one thing I would say is put yourself first and explain to him what this is doing to you.
AM
Your Dad cetainly needs help, but he has to get it for himself. As much as you care for him you cannot do it for him. Compulsive gamblers like myself when in the grip of the addiction do not care about anyone or anything, the gambling will come first so lying becomes second nature to us. You have to stop lending him money full stop, tell him if he wants help that he needs to get to GA meetings at least once a week and start been open and honest about his problem. But again Im afraid this step is his to take, you can encourage him all you like, he may even go to the meetings but unless he is honest there he will be wasting his time and soon be back chasing losses.
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