A slip.

So sorry Pangolin!! It really is a process isn't it? My son has been in GA for 1 1/2 years and has had 3 slips... the last one being last week. I have to say that it's amazing how quickly you feel like you are back to square one again. The best part is... you are not! We are miles further ahead than when this whole thing started.

You are doing a great job learning to live your life as it was meant to be lived and an even better job of showing such support on here in good times and bad!

Pour me a glass of wine and a big cheers to you!

Cathy

Oh golly pangolin

here's me going on... Mister Hollywood (can't believe I forgot that name!) can't come back to our screens quick enough!! Did Mr P have to turn his pants inside out?!

Keep going, you are doing a great job. Thanks again for all your great advise.

Thanks Cathy, you've nailed it there, it isn't anything like square one, its never going to be that lonely again. Cheers!

*pours glass for Katie too*

Paul Hollywood lol, that's the fella. It's the cake that's on my mind at the moment though.

As far as I know he went commando. Hope it chaffed. 😀

Sorry, bad enough for you but I'm glad it's no worse.

CW

Hi Pangolin

Sorry to hear that your MisterP had a slip. As you know, it is quite common. The redeeming feature is that he is remorseful and very angry at himself. I think sometimes we get a bit too compacent. This addiction is with us forever, and however much we would like to think that we have tamed 'the beast', we never will.

In the long run it could be a good timely reminder to Mr P that we should always be on our guard in any situation. No matter how much we want to believe that we will not gamble, given the right, (wrong) circumstances, everyone one of us is vulnerable. It's in these circumstances that we should 'phone a friend', because in the back of our mind we know that we are tempting fate. No excuses for Mr P. GA gave him the tools and the knowledge to avoid the bust, and he failed to utilise them.

I think it just goes to show how utterly powerless our willpower is when it comes to this addiction. A single phone call to a GA friend or your good self, and all of this could have been avoided.

Take care

I tried to talk to him Wal, cried and yelled in the end but to no avail, powerlessness is something we have to come to terms with too, it was very hard to have to let go and watch the crash happen, not knowing how long I had lost him for or how damaging it would be. It is a relief to have him back so soon, but I am in no rush to bail him out financially or emotionally. One of my gam anon group also pointed out that he had the safeguards but had got complacent about them, it was a good job mine were still strong. Complacency was the problem, I think this too.

Are these slips inevitable? There's a lot of posts at the moment about relapses after long spells.

We're nowhere near over the main gambling, v fragile, can't imagine having to deal with slips. You're coping well, Pangolin, better that I ever could.

CW

Hi,

During one of my early counselling sessions relapsing was discussed. At the time I thought shouldn't we be talking about recovery and not relapse but the longer I go into my journey I realise what a danger it is.

Any blocks in place need to be checked, strengthed and 're-evaluated on a regular basis to stop any relapse.

One day at a time and we must never get ahead of ourselves.

Best wishes x

Hi Pangolin

I gather from your post that you were trying to talk him out of going prior to his bust? This is not good news. Perhaps we can put it down to a combination of alcohol and wanting to console a mate? Even so, the fact remains that he is the one that had to control his own actions. Nobody twisted his arms or forced him to gamble.

I make no secret of the fact that I loved gambling. You would be aware that I had a big bust about 4 years ago after being made redundant. I came to realise that I was just waiting for an excuse to gamble again. The redundancy was the excuse, and I grabbed it with both hands. No excuses. My fault. I wanted to gamble and nobody could stop me.

My bust lasted about 6 months. I wasted my previous 3 years of financial recovery in the 6 months I gambled. The trust issues with my brother, sister and their families were back to square one. 🙁

I do hope that your Mr P's bust was just a oncer. Be more vigilant, (as I'm sure you will be).

Finally I will throw a bit of your advice back at you... "keep talking". 🙂

Take Care

CW I have been waiting for a relapse, it's part of my vigilance, I've always been a little concerned by how easy it has been, so it's perhaps not a shock, it's not like being back at square one, it feels more like part of the journey, but thankyou, I need the support, I wouldn't have posted if I didn't need to talk to some friends.

Wal you know exactly what my biggest worry is, he keeps saying it just got out of control, whereas my son and I maintain it was completely predictable, we saw it coming. I tried to stop him, but I knew I was talking to a brick wall, they were very drunk by the time I found out what was happening. We knew that particular set of circumstances and people and alcohol was volatile, I think he must have still wanted to gamble too. I have said this, he says he has to give up drinking too, he's scared too now off the lack of control he had over himself when he was drunk in the wrong environment. It's also come to light today that his 'friend's' father tried to stop them too, talked very directly about the gambling addiction and consequences, but was talking to two drunken brick walls. That's probably the scariest bit, how impossible it was to talk to him, that did feel like the bad old days.

Complacency, he thought he didn't want to gamble anymore, inhibitions lost to alcohol and he's found out he does still want to gamble and hates himself all over again now. Balvaird you're right, he does need to re evaluate his safeguards. And his friends. Well one anyway.

It's all gone well since. He's doing everything I need to see done.

Thankyou

Hi
Mrs P

The joys of living with an addict hey!
Excuse my ignora. nce if you have already explained all this but how long has Mr P been attending GA? Is he availing himself of everything it has to offer? Does he work the program with his sponsor. Does he just attend or is he actively involved in the many service posts on offer. In my experience the period between approx 3-9 months in remission determines which direction our recoveries head. Many get to this time frame & are happy to rest on their laurels( complacency,procrastination & relapse) or they search fearlessly for the motivation to keep evolving. Occasionally relapse can be the push needed to try the next stage of recovery & i hope this can be the case for your husband.

Wishing you both ongoing peace
Dan x

Pangolin

Hi I don't think I have posted upon any of your threads so I apologise in advance if I have already introduced myself.

My name is Duncan Mcquilken I am a recovering compulsive gambler,I came to this forum in January 2012 a truly broken man,I had fed progressively addiction for more than twenty years and was truthfully one day from losing everything.

I embraced recovery through the use of this forum and GA , for 21 months I did all the right things in everybody's eyes and to many I guess I seemed 'cured'

Then boom,I found myself with access to the bank accounts and for three hours I went back to feeding addiction.

I was so shocked at how easily I returned to my old life,running from the bookies to the bank for more funds and I again just 'zoned' out.

After three hours the episode finished

Addiction begged me to lie my way out, after all I accomplished the feat countless times before in my gambling life.

Recovery had the strength to rise above addiction.

I returned home and confessed to my disgusting actions, it truly shocked my family.

I returned to GA that night, I wrote here of my relapse.

Why? Why did I relapse, complacency, opportunity, a short fall in the finances.

Truthfully because I am and always will be a compulsive gambler and I had become truly ignorant to that fact.

Yes I had stopped feeding addiction but I had equally and most importantly stopped using the opportunities recovery gifted meto be able to iimprove my life.

Since that day the 31/10/2013 I have relentlessly pursued recovery, I have opened the door to finding the reason I fed addiction and have set about facing ways to live in harmony with addiction.

I hope that your husband uses his most recent gambling episode to truly find his own recovery.

Equally I fully understand your frustration and anger, I hope in time your own recovery finds harmony with the world.

As I have said many times before and will again

You like my wife and many others are the innocent victims of the addiction that is the compulsion to gamble,your recovery I believe is more important than that of any addict.

I hope you find it.

The effort you gift it is plain to read across this vital part of this forum.

Regards

Duncan.

Crikey, it's really frightening. I thought GA and handing over the finances and me putting up barriers were enough. And of course there's nothing we wives can do, is there? It's up to the CG.

My husband is sticking with GA but refuses counselling and we haven't had in depth and frank talks for a week or two, also there's still no open hearted remorse. I haven't heard of a sponsor for GA, is that normal?

Worried CW