So Ive been trawling the internet looking for relationship advice over the last few weeks, Ive spoken to people and I guess I feel you will be the best placed to understand so my ex admitted gambling start of january was going to break up our relationship then however I talked him down he started attending meetings and gave me his bank card, pay day comes around he has his bank card back and says hes leaving, again we talked ALOT, he cant seem to walk away when faced with me and makes these decisions when hes in work, 3 days later I had a message that he needed space and return home to find hes taken all his stuff and posted his key, 3 days later we talk face to face he says that he just needs to shut the world out and goes back to his friends, at this point the relationship is over, the next day I asked if he felt it was a weight off he said no so we agreed to talk, this was 2 weeks ago Ive contacted him and not heard back a few times he has agreed to come and talk and then Ive just been met with silence, so I feel I have to give up, I wanted to show him I would support him, I didnt want to turn away when he needed someone but I have no other choice, it seems a really immature way of dealing with things just to send a text then make plans and not bother with any contact, I know hes an addict, I know his recovery comes 1st but making such a change when we lived together I just cant see how that helps?
Everyone around me says hes done me a favour but I just wanted to be there, but I have tried and cant do anymore than I have so Ive had to bow out and admit he doesnt want me around! Im sorry I guess Im looking for an answer if this is whats expected from a CG? is him pushing me away from the problem normal?
Welcome to the forum.
I won't write too much as I'm sure others will be able to give better advice than me. From what you have said it sounds, unfortunately, like he isn't ready to give up and it running away from you so he has the freedom to gamble without judgement. I appreciate you want to support him but, until he decides he WANT's to quit (not NEEDs to, the two are very different) then you can't do any more. A CG who is ready to quit will surround themselves with support and take every measure possible to prevent themselves from relapsing. By pushing you away and wanting to regain control of his finances, he is clearly not ready to take this step.
Please accept that this is only my opinion and I'm sure others will offer there's but remember, you need to look after yourself first and only support him when he is ready and WILLING to give up and accept help.
Good Luck 🙂
Thanks for the response, I've considered he may want to continue without having someone to answer to but he claims to be going to meetings I think I found it strange that his out day coincided with pay day but maybe that's my suspicious mind working over time! He's so used to being alone that I'm not sure he would surround himself with people I don't think he's used to having anyone when it came out in January he said the only way he knew how to deal with it was to shut everyone out!
Hi,
I know all too well what it feels like to shut out loved ones. I'm 23 and when I used to gamble, I would always want to be on my own so I had no one to answer to, no one to ask if I was gambling again (I'd previously relapsed quite a few times!). It wasn't until I was ready to quit and wanted to quit, that I did so. I'm now 51 days gamble free and I couldn't be happier. I'm not going to lie, it's not easy but with pay day looming again there's so much I can't wait to do with my money!
All I can advise that you do is maybe send him an email or letter with everything written down, how you're feeling, maybe a link to this website and then leave it in his hands. I find an email is so much easier than a text as with a text, it's seems easier to just shut it away, but with an email, it seems much more formal.
I'm sure deep down he loves you and wants to accept your support but is a bit scared or nervous to admit his problem.
L x
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