Hi there,
I hope you don't mind me not detailing the whole story at this point. I'm new to this and just wanted to test the water before explaining the situation in full. My parents are also very private people and I wouldn't want them finding out I'd been posting - hope this makes sense and doesn't sound too off!
I need some advice on how to advise my parents. A sibling has a gambling addiction. My parents way of handling it (along with other ways like managing his accounts, helping with counseling etc) is to bail him out every time he gets into trouble. Surely this is the worst thing you could do? Trouble is I try and talk to them about it and I know they fear the worse should they stop helping him in this way. It eats me up inside to see their life savings being used in this way.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!
Hi Padstow
Welcome to the Forum and do not worry about posting - it is completely anonymous here.
You are completely right about bailing out being the wrong thing. I gambled for twenty years before stopping around six years ago - people did the same thing with me until they took a very hard line, which was the right thing to do.
I'm sure they mean well and that they are very decent people, but what they are doing is helping his problem in one hand (by helping with his accounts, counseling etc), and undoing all the good work by bailing him out each and every time.
If they are going to spend money, then they can make sure he has the barest of bare essentials like food, but they cannot hand over any physical monies themselves - they must pay for it, then give it to him.
I imagine they do fear the worst, but they can't live their lives in the shadow of emotional blackmail, and neither can they watch their hard-earned savings drift away to nothing - they must understand that this isn't going to stop if they run out of money to give him, he will just source if from somewhere else.
He has to want to stop himself - there is only such they can do; they have to understand and appreciate that; they care, they are good parents, but this situation is out of their hands if he doesn't want to change his life.
I hope you can post more my friend - the more people know, the more they will be able to help and offer non-judgmental advice. Well done again for reaching this point my friend - this is a very positive step for all of you.
JamesP
Hi padstow
Welcome to the forum and thanks for posting. You can remain annonymous on here and still post your views and people will reply to support you.
You are right on all the advice you have given your parents. It can be very difficult for love ones of gamblers, and it might be difficult for you as much as it is for your parents, the difference here seems to be that you have been on here and have read and know from other's experience that bailling out only gives the gambler a clean slate to gamble more.
I am wondering if it will help your parents to come on the forum and read for themself so that they may get to know more about the gambling problem and what others have found helpful. This may help them to be able to know that it may feel harsh to not help a love one when they are in need, but in situation where the person; (gambler) is not receiving help for their gambling, bailing out could just be like feeding the gambling addiction. Nevertheless if you feel that your post may reveal your identity to them, you may not want to do that, also to be mindful that this is a public forum.
We also have a leaflet on our home page with the heading 'supporting a problem gambler'. maybe you can download the leaflet and print a copy for your parents to read so that they can know how best to help your brother.
Another thing you could do is to tell your parents to call us, and we will be able to support them, and also let them know that their son can be helped if he wants help, which seems to be what they want for him.
They can call us on our freephine number on 0800 8020133, Or your brother can call us if he will like help. We will ask him more about his gambling and give him information on stratergies that can help him.
We also give free counselling from most areas in the country for gamblers and their love ones, which can benefit your brother and everyone in your family who would like to talk about how the gambling problem has affected them.
We are available everyday 8am to 12pm.
You can also talk to us on our freephone number as above or chat to us on our Netline at: http://secure.gamcare.org.uk/netline/
Take Care and keep on using this forum.
Regards
Florence
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