Am I doing the right thing? I'm devastated

Hear Hear!

I feel for you natnat if you were my daughter is tell you to run a mile. On the other hand as the mother of a son whom I have just found out is a compulsive gambler I feel for your boyfriend as well. Knowing what you know about your partner do you really want to commit to marriage at this moment in time. My son is in a non serious relationship at the moment I am now questioning myself that if his relationship gets serious do I tell his girlfriend about his problem? Because as the mother of a daughter also I would not want her to become married to a compulsive gambler. As mothers we want the best for our children. What would your mother say natnat x

Hello Everyone,

I haven't been on for a month or so and have only just read some of the comments. Sadsally alot of what you have said is exactly is how I feel.

Back in october when I posted that he had done it again, I had kicked him out and after 2 weeks I let him back in an agreement that he was going to get help for another time. I suggested a course that I had recently been on which was about life coaching and a different approach, he agreed and said he wanted to and to try anything he could to beat his addiction. I believed him and last week he was meant to attend the course, it was only 3 days and I paid for it. He didn't go the course and he had really made believe this time he wanted to make a change. We argued and he said he wanted to do this on his own.

I came to a realisation that I didn't trust him at all, I was unhappy and tired of living a life of being paranoid. I decided to take some time apart to think. He was angry about this and since Monday I have been staying at my mums. I decided I cannot go through with the wedding and I am in the process of cancelling plans, it's absolutely heartbreaking and I am devasted.

This week of being apart I asked him if he had gambled and he said yes, that finally made me wake up. I love him to pieces and like sadsally I would do anything for him. I have been with him nearly 8 years and this has been effecting us for 5 years. I have given everything I have, i would give anything to take this away from him. I have realised his addiction and other troubles he has with himself are more important to him than anything else and that I can't do it anymore. I can't commit my life to someone who can't give me the same back. I am heartbroken and it saddens me so much to have to walk away. But I now know I have to make the choice for myself and put myself first.

I really hope he can beat this and I will always love him. I would like to think maybe in the future it could still work, but I can't wait forever. He is a wonderdul, good, caring person, and I don't blame him anymore. I know I am making the right choice, I can't live the life I was living certainly with having to make serious commitments. i realised I could never bring children up with him as I would not want that life for them or me. I am so devasted and upset I have moments of weakness where I want to run back to him and fix it. But that would be wrong and I know I can never change him, he has to himself.

This has been the hardest choice I have ever had to make, I was getting ready to spend the rest of my life with him and now I have to adjust to life without him.

like sadsally I feel bad for putting myself first and I really worry what will happen to him and if he ever will be happy. Thank you to everyone on here who has commented, these forums I find are such a great platform to share.

Hi nat nat I'm sorry it has come to this for you. You have tried your best to help. You can not just turn off your feelings for your partner so you be hurting for what could have been. I wish you well, take care. Wcid

Thank you Kelly and what can i do.

I met with him last night and he said he felt relieved that we are no longer together and that he doesn't know if he wants to stop gambling. It was very hard to hear but confirmed that I have made the best choice for myself.

I have used the counselling services before and think I will again as it did help. My family and friends are great, but my mum doesn't always understand, she thinks that he shouldn't be on his own, of course I don't want him to be alone but I can't do it anymore.

Who knows what will happen in the future, I know it will get better in time. Thank you all for the support xxx

Hi natnat I'm sorry it didn't go well last night but it looks like he has confirmed what you already guessed. Of course you don't like to think of him by himself, you will continue to worry about him even if you are not with him. It is such a shame he hasnt realised what he is loosing. You take care xx wcid x

Hi natnat

I'm sorry to read that it didn't go well but as wcid says it confirms what you already knew. Of course you still care and you'll be concerned about him and that's natural after being together for that length of time, but only he can begin to take responsibility to solve his problems, so it's important to put your own welfare first right now. You say you've already had counselling and may again and that might help, I've been doing the same and i find it really helps. Take care of yourself.

Thank you concernedboyfriend, It is such a horrible addiction and we have now both accepted our relationship is at an end. Eventually it will get easier, with time. Thank you everyone for your support