Any advice ? Partners gambling is out of control

Hi Suzanne, welcome to the Forum and well done for sharing what you have here,

He says that you don't understand, but does he?

I gambled for twenty years before stopping around six years ago. There has to be a rational level of communication opened between you my friend; he needs to be completely honest with you about how and what he is feeling. If he says you won't understand, then agree with him, but say you want to, so you can both work on it together.

Explain that you have to be practical if nothing else; ask him what the endgame is - do you have to lose everything first? Does he think he can stop by himself? Try not to be angry and judgemental at this point my friend - you need to find out anything and everything - having an argument will likely push you farther away from knowing.

Tell him that, regardless of everything else, a lack of finance will begin to have a direct effect on your child's upbringing; if he stops now, then he will grow up with virtually no knowledge of it. If he continues, then he is going to do damage that can't be undone.

He has a responsibility to you and your son to be the very best he can be. This means that he has to tackle this problem, head-on, without exception; there is GA, there is counselling, there is the GAMCARE helplines, there are other support groups out there - he has to recognize and appreciate that what he experiencing isn't normal behaviour and it needs to be tackled, like anything else.

If he feels he doesn't need help, then he needs to prove it. I don't know how he gambles, but you can self-exclude from the Bookmakers, you can place blocking software on his PC/Laptop, he can offer to hand over control of his finances to you - there are many preventative methods. None of this should be a problem if he is confident he can stop any time he wants.

I feel for you both enormously. I am sure he is a decent, honest man without gambing in his life; sit made me tempremental, anxious, deceitful and much more - I am none of those things now and couldn't imagine being that way again.

If you can get him to open up, then we will be able to offer further help, support and non-judgemental advice my friend. Please keep posting - there are some good people here who can help both of you if needs be.

JamesP

Hi Suzanne,

Welcome to the Forum. Coping with the consequences of problem gambling can be a very frustrating and deeply worrying time.

Gamcare can arrange face to face counselling for you. Counselling is a safe and confidential space for you to discuss the impacts of problem gambling on your family life. The sessions would usually be once weekly, lasting just under an hour at a time, at the same time and place, with the same person so that you can establish a trusting relationship with them. To arrange this you could call the helpline freephone number on 0808 8020 133 .

Did you also know that Relate offer counselling services for every type of relationship nationwide. You can find out more information by clicking this link: http://www.relate.org.uk/

What you do in this situation is down to you but speaking to a trained counsellor could help you to clarify your decision making.

Take care,

Rachel.

Tell him plain and simple, I stopped because my partner said she'd leave me I could not face life without her so gambling went out the window . Love can help so much . Tough love that's what is neededvhelped me a great deal, feel for you as I was Iikecyour partner only thing that helps short sharp smock if that doesn't work nothing will regards Lisa b