Just wondering if anyone has any words of advice, or has been through same and could shed some hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel..
Found out last year husband has been gambling. He said wouldn't do it again, getting support blah blah. Replased and taken on further debt to fund. He is now almost 100k in debt, not including the money he has borrowed from both mine and his parents (but they aren't aware what for).Â
He is seeking gambling support and promises me no more. I have access to his current account, his wages now paid into an account he has no access to, I manage all household finances. Exhausting mentally in itself!Â
Just sad that this is not where I feel I should be in life. I work hard and we are living month to month, penny pinching where we can. I'm working extra hours just to be able to save for a holiday/short break from it all, as well as living to a strict budget. Kids dont know obviously, and I'm trying to hard to sheild them from the mess we are in. I feel I should be able to enjoy my life instead of working extra and not feeling like finances are such a struggle from a mess I did not create.
I feel I'm being punished for something that was not my own making. I have thought about leaving a lot, but we are married so I would be left with half his debt and in the same financial struggling financial position, as well as how hard it would be for our kids. Please don't tell me to leave, but I need some words of hope that life will get better. <!-- removed link >
Hi kitty
i would call stepchange and talk to them about whose debt this is and if you are responsible.
i severed myself financially from my husband by becoming ‘tenants in common’ that means if you own your house they can’t take your share.
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your husband needs to sort out a debt management programme so that his debt doesn’t impact on your normal day to day expenses. Debt usually comes last. This isn’t your mess it’s his
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my husband handed over all finances when he finally realised he couldn’t gamble any more. He lived by cash and receipts for a long while. Now he has a card he can’t use online.
im always shocked by how much money people can still borrow. Definitely find out how to sort this slowly because you need to have some normality otherwise you’re constantly going without and budgeting and he’s not being affected.
I just posted about my life and getting out of debt with Stepchange. It can be done, but it has to be your husbands choice. My wife left me when I came clean about my addiction. I still fought to beat it and yesterday my 50k was finally paid off. This is not your fault or problem and if your husband wants to keep you he needs to be doing everything in his power to change. Stepchange, GA, on here asking for advice, counselling, whatever it takes.Â
Is there hope? Well, I am proof that gamblers can get out of debt. I have changed my life and am now a much better person for it. Can your husband do this? Ultimatum time. It shouldn't be you in here asking for advice, it should be him. Either he does everything in his power to change and be the man you married, or it's time to move on.Â
I hope you get some comfort from the fact that addicts can come through this, but please look out for yourself first. Get financial advice. Don't get lumbered with his debt. If he doesn't change, get rid. If he does, then things will get better, but it will take a while.
Good luck 👍Â
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