Awareness help

Hi, I met a man with a very good job in auditing online. It was intense: 5* hotels, fancy meals, and idealistic promises of holidays in exotic places. He was persistent about 'trust', but broke it a lot. He was charming and I moved in with him after taking many breaks in our relationship. 

He rents in fancy houses and boasts of it such as 'I like living in nice houses but they are expensive'. He gambles on horses. He used to look after Jockeys in Newmarket as a job. Horses are an obsession. But, he will not come to any horse event that is not the best racing. 

Before moving in with him he showcased his betting tables to 'prove' he was not a gambler. I was in a financially abusive marriage so this EXCEL showcasing was a trigger. 

He is moody, then flush, stingy, and then impulsive. He also somehow seems to detour my ability to get work, study, or be in friendships or groups. I have ended up isolated at home. We have not lived together for over two years. I kicked him out due to his really bad attitude and mood swings. 

He has poor memory, acts dumb/is gaslighting, and although a Senior Auditor his sharing of numbers and finances ends up turning me into a teacher trying to educate a 4-year-old. This has resulted in me having zero respect for his job or ability to do it. 

I feel I have been hooked and baited and breadcrumbed back into line. I have made 7 attempts to get a job, do an MA etc. Each time I get support, even on Universal Credit his smooth operation and knowing my desires somehow hypnotizes me back into going around in circles.  All I want is a home and he has known this. I have never felt secure with him from the day I moved in with him.

Somehow I have found myself driving around looking at houses. He wants to get a mortgage so that I can be 'secure'. There has been no intimacy for over 7 years. We live apart. I have to use his car at the moment as my car broke. He was very keen to pay the car insurance but didn't care about anything else. In fact; he complained and said how much he hated driving it. He also pays for NOWTV at the address I am at and when I say I want to take it over, he just tells me to set it up. I am concerned that he will not cancel it. I have the password and the email to cancel, but he needs to verify it as it's his email.  I might get another option and then visit him and get him to do it while I am there. I am concerned that: Internet and Car Insurance are key for credit scores, and these are the main things he wanted to take over. 

He is paying the rent where I am and it is a joint tenancy. He also gives me an allowance. I did get a coach with Universal Credit and he coaxed me off of it because he believed it was not helping. That is when he set up my allowance. It was helping. I was ready to move on with the help of the coach. Now he has me dependent. I also got a temporary role and was moving on. If I do not tell him what I am doing then I start to get away. Somehow he gets in my ear. It is very slick and very smooth, almost undetectable. But, as soon as he gets into my life I start to get defensive and argumentative with work colleagues etc. This man also is obsessed with boxing. 

I am exhausted from looking at houses. When I find one he seems to act dumb and stupid as though he got his calculations wrong. I demanded we saw a financial advisor together. He came, didn't say much and she copied us both into the summary. Then nothing.. just him complaining he had not heard. Then she left the company. I was annoyed not being kept in the loop. It is always like this. Just FOG - Fear. Obligation. Guilt for me. 

I managed to have no contact with him for 8 months. I just went to church and bible study. That was my life. I got stronger and managed to feel some joy. It was so painful. I have been miserable for so long it was hard to remember and know how much time I have lost. 

I got an unconditional offer to do an MA  based on my portfolio. It was an hour away and I had to drive. My car died due to an oil issue. Previously I had informed him (as we are both on the tenancy agreement even though he pays the rent) that I hoped to be moving. I gave him 3 months notice. He did not know my plans. A month before starting he informs me he has moved close and taken a job this side of the country. I needed a new car and needed a lift. I was adamant I would just get a lift to the used car place. It was a disaster. The garage was a shifty place. My ex was useless and added to the pressure of selling (maybe out of fear). The experience put me off and I now have his car. I also ended up in conflict with the University and got my money back and quit--which is the pattern if I let him anywhere near me. He knows how to play me. 

I have to get away. I need to get a job. This man gave me a large sum of money a few years ago so I can move on. I got him to confirm in an email that it was a gift. He wants me to live in a house that we both own. I need to get work and ease myself back into work. I volunteer to keep going and sane. Sadly I cannot tell him so that he does not sabotage me. 

Does anyone know why he would want to get a mortgage for a house that only I will live in, and why he gave me a large sum of money? After that, I also found out that he had taken out three credit cards with £8K £5K, and so on... I had to winkle it out of him whilst he was shifty. It went up and up to £21K. I went ballistic and told him to leave. My front door has been like a saloon door with him coming and going. It makes no sense. He took out early retirement funds and gave me a big sum to buy a van to live in. I was trying to solve our living situation as he was living at his mother's and complaining about not being able to move. He took out early retirement alongside his work to afford a very nice house for himself. He might be telling the truth about debt and pensions etc and that he wants to get a joint mortgage so that I can get settled (it would be cheaper than rent). I have the money he gave me for a deposit and have managed to keep it safe. We spoke of me taking over the mortgage when I had work. But.... he seems to undermine me in that area somehow. 

I want to find a way to become independent. I will probably need to rent a room, which will help me untangle from him. I am scared to do this as I have been worn down and pushed to extreme outbursts. I often see a glimpse of satisfaction on his face when I explode. I am very easily triggered due to him pushing my buttons constantly. 

Paying the car insurance and internet at my property boosts his score. I tried to pin him down today to see his credit. He showed me his Credit Club. I asked for his Experian and the others. He got all dumb again and like a nervous child. I just sensed question marks and exclamations oozing out of him and it overwhelmed me, with no learning or tangible progress. It made me feel stupid. Considering he has used credit cards frequently and often and seems to be a pro.. this was a red flag for me. I did a lot of research. He uses 0% credit cards and 'says' he is paying a lot off. This shifts as well. 

I am concerned that the debts could be huge because there are and have been no joint plans. No holidays or any goals at all. Just me kept in a corner dependent on rent and a very tight allowance. I can my food to keep it at 38p a meal and walk around the park to get out or go to church. I live like a nervous door mouse while he has his Waitrose, buys Aran jumpers, and visits his mum and friends sometimes. I am not invited because huge conflict with his mother. I went through a very dark time and feel he divided us. He was trying to get his mother to gift him her house, so it did not go to a care home. He has power of attorney for his mother and apparently, she has a good pension. My trust is so bad that I am split in the head. He is good/then he is really bad. He loves his mum and looks after her/he is ripping her off.  

Does anyone know why he would give me money and why he pays my rent and gives me an allowance, then takes out a big loan secretly?  Is there any gap I am missing to protect myself if this is all gambling calculus and credit shifting?