Bankruptcy and the self employed

Hi SP, thank you for the lovely post and hope your son does wake up and realise what's happening and gets help. Once he admits he has a problem then knowing that you are there for him will be helpful to him. Unfortunately as others have said on here until he is ready to admit he has a problem there is very little you will be able to do, just take care of yourself. I was bailed out a couple of times during my gambling days and all this did for me was give me the channel to be able to gamble again as I wasn't ready to stop. I was abusive and defensive at times with my oh over money and gambling and I would sooner walk away then admit I had a problem. Unfortunately that's our coping mechanisms. Please don't take this sort of behaviour personally because deep down we don't mean it, it's how we cope.

I sincerely hope that everything works out for you. Take care

Thanks for all the advice so far.

We are currently in the situation where my ex wife says my son is going to stop gambling to 'prove me wrong', for not trusting him and giving him a loan. I hope that's enough to spur him on, but realistically I think it's just a period of respite before the next episode of losses. I think his credit rating is very poor now, so maybe that will help, but I suspect there are always dubious loan companies out there willing to dish out money to anyone desperate at ridiculous interest rates. Unfortunately I'm detached from the direct problem, so am just sending him useful pieces of information and postings I am picking up from here, in the hope he uses them to help him. Not much else I can do at present, as I'm seen as the bad guy for not helping him in his hour of need.

As many have pointed out on here though, and through things I read, I don't think he has hit his 'rock bottom' yet, so has yet to wake up to the fact he has a real addiction and listen to my advice to seek professional help 🙁

It's so hard SP on both yourself and your ex-wife. We have no idea what is going on in their heads and what their "rock bottom" will be. Try and just deal with the facts and don't get caught up in the rhetoric he will be giving. An active CG can talk, manipulate and deceive with the best of them.

Keep your boundaries firm and keep sending him the information. We never know when that "aha" moment will hit:).

It's very frustrating, I know, but know that you are doing the best that you can for both yourself and your son. It's a journey not a destination ... be good to yourself because what you are doing is so d**n hard and you are not going to get a lot of thanks for it.

Cathy

Thanks Cathy.

Shame, but I think you're right about the 'journey'. Don't see this being resolved any time soon 🙁

SP

Hi

Yes Its not looking ideal if hes going to "show you" through indignance and upset that you didnt provide the finance. It just sounds like the stage of denial and he cant quite face up to who caused the problem. Thats the stage where he feels caught and he cant handle the reality that he wasnt in control of his actions.

On mothers day I also apologised to my dad. I have shown them the self exclusion forms and am going to do everything I can to pay back the bank of mum and dad that I was living on in 2015. I told them again that I have been very ill and a lot of stress and depression helped cause the gambling bouts. I told them I was looking for an an escape from the drudgery as I saw it.

Thats the proper state of recovery. I feel calm in many ways becauae Ive told people I need serious help. Thre is no shame in reaching out and I have no secrets now which is the major asset. I tell people exactly what I did and with how much if they ask. It sounds absolutely crazy because it is an addiction and illness of the mind.

All you can do is talk and be loving and supportive to a point. Try and get him to rationalise his actions in detail. It may keep helping to see that he has an illness.

Its difficult and you have to try and work away if possible so he sees the light. He never had the money to lose and its clear that he has been handing loads of his money away. Its a mugs game. I deny that its ever "entertainment" because it creates addicts. It certainly isnt fun for the people I see desperately trying to get an income

There need to be blocks and monitoring or he isnt going to "show" anyone. willpower alone is not enough

This is what gambling does and its a national disgrace that its not heavily regulated. It destroys families and I hope he cant play one parent off against the other because that just ramps up the tension and ill feeling

You have done the right thing and all that you can for now

Best wishes