Boyfriend is gambling

Thanks Shelley, reading that bought tears to my eyes.

I'm just stuck with my thoughts and all the ifs and buts. I wish I was more understanding of his depression but when he wouldn't try to help himself and only found time to gamble and not me or self held for the depression it got so hard. I tried my hardest and I hope one day if/when he recovers he looks back on me kindly. I would have done anything for that man but sadly I couldn't fix him.

Mac you are in a very similar situation to me. How did you block betting sites on your router?

Hi Dragon,

I log onto my online portal to adjust my settings, via my internet provider, called kids safe settings or something.

Call your internet service provider and they'll do it for you I'm sure.

It's not 100% effective but better than nothing!

Good luck.

Hiya

K9 is a good blocker free to download easy to install and doesn't mess up your comp x

So Im now about a week in since my boyfriend said he'd be better off on his own.

I've had good moments but it still hurts most of the time, the tears come daily. The biggest thing is his inability to tie this failing down to the gambling. I know he's still gambling and I guess if anything that should drive home that this is the right thing, to be away from him.

I know I haven't really lost anything, there was no affection, no 'us' time as a couple, no social life, no real partnership. Just me waiting and wondering and going mad with worry and paranoia at what he's doing to lose every last penny.

I think the worst thing is that my future looks so uncertain, I have no job now (but I'm applying for loads) I'll somehow need to finance my own place soon, for the moment I'm with my mum... Aged 34 that's not easy!

I've had a few messages from him, one day he wanted to start again, the next day he didn't... I know that until he swallows his pride and gets help he's not really the person I'd wish to spend my life with anyway. One thing is for sure though, I love him.

God knows what's he's planning to do in going it alone, I know he has to pay back money he's borrowed out if this months wages and finding a place to rent will be expensive for him too, at least he has his job though and money is coming in... Even if he isn't spending it wisely.

I hate what gambling has done to us, it's tragic. He thinks we failed as a couple but I know it's because there were 3 of us in the relationship, the gambling being the 3rd and that's where his priority lies.

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Hi Mac1

I've just read through the whole of your thread and it's really brought it home to me how much we I am on the verge of ruining my loved ones lives. I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through and speaking from 'the other side' I just want to say we really don't mean to hurt our partners but there's just an urge thats always there making us constantly gamble at whatever cost.

I'm sorry to hi-jack your thread slightly but I've made numerous attempts to stop but as yet unsuccessful. Reading though things like this make me realise I don't want my wife to end up experiencing your pain. I'm 34 years old and sound so similar to your ex. I know I've become really boring etc but all day everyday all I think about is gambling. I have my second child due in less than 8 weeks and need to stop now before I ruin his/her life before it's even started.

My wife doesn't know anything yet but with the amount of debt I've put us in she is bound to find out soon. I just hope she's as supportive and understanding as you were.

Apologies again for writing about my problems on your thread but a lot of things that have been said on here have really made me think.

Cheers

Take care

Hi Dinky,

Sorry for the delayed response, I like to think that not coming on here many, many times a day means the healing process in under way.

I'm glad you commented on my thread, and I'm really happy that reading it has made you think about things.

I hope your wife does prove to be understanding, have you thought about telling her before she finds out? My ex told me about it but even now I'm not sure I knew the full extent of it. Maybe now isn't a good time with a baby soon to arrive, but when is?

Something that I think a lot of us struggle with the most is the dishonesty, the constant lies. Might be worth keeping that in mind.

It's interested for you to say that you think about gambling all day, every day, I think that was the same with my partner but on top of that I don't think he loved me anyway, I was just a safety net. My love and loyalty wasn't enough sadly.

How are you now? A week since the post? My advice from my own personal experience would be to be honest. When the moment comes for you to tell her, trust her enough to tell the truth. It's the lies that hurt the most in the end.

Good luck 🙂

Hi Mac1, many thanks for replying. I hope things are getting better for you.

I understand what you are saying and I know honesty will be the best policy. I think I'll probably wait till after the baby is born though. Really don't want to stress her out any more with only 6 weeks to go.

I've been ok the last week. I still gambled small amounts up until stopping completely yesterday! I had decided last week that the 1st of August would also be the 1st day of my new life. So far so good - I haven't given in to temptation and am feeling better already. Just hope it continues. We're still struggling financially but as long as I get my head sorted first and can sort out the money in a couple of months.

The worst thing I found with gambling as oppose to other addictions is there's no physical limit to how much you can gamble. If i had a drink problem eventually I'd be throwing up or unconscious but with gambling I could just keep going and keep going and no-one ever knew. That's why it was so easy to carry on all those years.

Anyway, thanks again for the reply and hope things keep getting better for you