Hi there,
Brand new to this site.
I'm just here for some advice from people who obviously know what they are talking about.
I have just started a brand new relationship with a guy who is thoughtful, caring, and beautiful in every way, but (like most people) he comes with a little baggage. He is a recovering gambling addict and has run up a little bit of debt. He claims to have this under control (and I have no reason not trust him) and has been going to GA meeting since January. He says these really help and seems very unphased by everything.
He has a great job and is doing really well. He has cash card so can only draw out money not spend on card online. He has told all his family and is very honest about everything. He has relapsed once since January, this happened in April. This was only one bet and he has claimed not to have done it again and has not missed a GA meeting.
As you can see, all this seems very positive and I believe what he says. So I guess your wondering why I am writing on here?! Well because I have no experience in gambling or addiction and I want to be able to support and help him along this journey that he is doing so well in. His last partner left him, after 3 and 1/2 years together, as soon as she found he had the problem and I don't want to feel he has to worry about me doing this too him too.
I know it's very early days in our relationship, and really he has done nothing but be honest and give me no cause for concern but i do feel a lot for him already and don't want to make any mistakes or get in too deep to have to leave further down the line.
So does anyone have any advice for me on how to be or what to say or not to say? Or even just any similar stories and their outcomes?!
Many thanks for reading,
Rebecca
Hi Rebecca86
It sounds to me like he is doing all of the right things, and that you've got a good guy who is on the right path.
Only a couple of things from my side - ask him to be honest about what he wants from you in terms of support - does he want you to trust him, or does he need the safety net of knowing you might ask him to "justify" what he's spent money on. Assuming he wants to be trusted, then this is good, but agree that if you have any concerns you will ask him.
Then (from my personal experience/opinion) try not to bring the subject up again. If he wants to talk to you about it he will, but I find that the key thing for me over the last 5 mths of not having bet is to basically have got to a point where the gambling me feels like a different person. So having to answer questions on it brings it all home. Just personal opinion though, but I would say he sounds like he's really taken responsibility for solving this issue and that of the "baggage" he could have this isn't even that bad!
Good luck
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