Hi
I'm looking for some advice. My brother is heavily addicted to slot machines. The problem is, he has the access to money to play them, this being his own and his partners. He is in a very fortunate position, doesn't have any outgoings or responsibilities as his partner looks after everything. For the last 4 years I went to the local bingo hall with him and it became a break out of the house together. This is where things got worse. It got to a point where he would put £1000 in slots in one night. Then he would literally cry on his way home and say he needed to go back the next night to chase his losses. This became a cycle up until the end of last year. He banned himself for 6 months from all bingos and establishments. In the time we were going I started playing the slots too. I lost a lot of money I couldn't afford to lose, the pressure my brother put on me to go with him was immense. So when he banned himself, I was relieved. Its been almost a year with the lockdown since we have been and my financial situation has improved dramatically. I have made the decision not to go back with him. He has taken my decision really badly, to the point he blew up over messages and told me I'm being really unfair on him as all it is is a break. I know this isn't over. He is lying to himself that he will stay off the slots and just play his bingo but its only a matter of time. He wont do anything else with himself, he is just fixated on returning to the bingo for a break! I told him he can go with my other sister or he can go alone but for some reason hes trying his upmost to drag me back. Iv made the decision it's in my best interests to keep away as I don't want to develop a problem as I know I easily could have. Am I being unfair?Â
You know that what you are doing is the right thing. You know that he is emotionally blackmailing you. You know that you are ready to stop and he is not. He is addicted and a gambler and has not yet sunk low enough to stop and perhaps he never will. He needs you as an excuse to go back. DO NOT GO WITH HIM. DO NOT GAMBLE. You have to be strong..........because he is weak.
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Well done on standing strong, you have had a taste of how addictive and damaging gambling can be when it gets out of hand. His behaviour screams of addiction, you were obviously someone he could go with and justify the recklessness of blowing so much money. It's not the behaviour of someone who is in recovery that is for sure.Â
With an addict, we cannot control them we can only advice and offer support (not financial), you can also set an example which you have clearly begun to do, by drawing a line in the sand regarding gambling and sorting your finances out. Keep on this path and your life will improve something you brother will see. Maybe even attend a GA meeting and let him know you went.Â
What you think is right is what you do. Sometimes it is inevitable that you will be hurt by the truth.
Thank you for your replies!Â
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So I have stuck to my word, and I haven't been gambling with him at all, the last time was almost 13 months ago! Hes applied pressure, tried to belittle me over small things to push my buttons, and were at a point where I'm struggling to even answer his messages. He has just turned very bitter towards me. He has visited me twice in 13 months...whereas it used to be 2 a week! I can sense he has become very bitter with me. But regardless I am determined not to go back with him, in fact his bitter behaviour is showing me in a way he was using me for his own ends. I have decided, once lockdown is over, I am going to do a national bingo ban so I cannot go at all even if I want to! I feel so angry with how he has treated me and I am also angry with gambling and what it does to people! I don't want it to be an option anymore, not because I am weak or I can't control myself, but because I am so determined not to return....!Â
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