Can a CG giive up without counselling?

Hi, KitKat,

Sorry to see things aren't great. re the six months, IMO that's fine if it's what you both want but it's not something you should be manipulated into against your better judgement.

The short answer to your question is "no". Whatever he does, he would need to stick with it long term, a few sessions of anything then stopping achieves nothing.

Quite a few people in recovery including Dan (day@atime), Balvard, Kelly (ODAAT) to name but some replied to my early posts and their input made a huge difference, comments now would be helpful? Otherwise, would recommend a thorough read of the other parts of the forum, in particular the longer diaries to get a feel for what's realistic to expect.

The counselling for you and your son sounds like a good move. Take care of yourself.

CW

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your current situation. I undertook 12 sessions of counselling provided by Gamcare which i found really helpful. I was always a controlled gambler and we explored what drove me to become compulsive.

To get anything out of the sessions a great deal of effort, honesty and emotion must be enccountered. Several times I was in tears and the session stopped so i could compose. Call it guilt, feeling ashamed, weak, whatever - it broke me for a while in a good way.

Not finishing the course is a telling sign. Not getting anything out is a telling sign. Why? Not enough effort made to listen, learn and inderstand what made us do what we did and why we persisted with it for so long.

The effort made to recover is long term and is not something that is achieved overnight. It is a constant 24/7 concious effort with blocks barriers and knowledge to remain gamble free.

Counselling is one of many tools to assist recovery and along with GA can really help. The initial effort to go through those doors sits with the gambler.

I hope things begin to improve.

Best wishes

Hi again,

My husband is less than enthusiastic about therapy, he goes but at the moment his Therapist is on leave, so he can legitimately can get out of it. However, he does go to GA - he seldom misses his twice weekly meetings.

There's not much chance of long term sustained recovery without a habit of broken triangle and also external support.

Look after yourself.

CW

We are a good 2 hr drive away from any GA meeting, so that wouldn't be an option for us. I am now into my fourth week of counselling and feeling bit better some days. I had a complete meltdown of tears last week, and sobbed myself to sleep every night. Didn't know there was so much emotion in there, but saying that I've actually had two days this week where I haven't been crying so suppose I must be feeling a bit better in myself. He stills says he doesn't need any help, and has spoken with my family about it. I suppose time will tell.

I have heard it all before, they are just words, and actions speak a lot louder than words in my opinion.

Kitkat

Hi kitkat, I'm a recovering CG and haven't had a bet of any description since joining this site over 9 months ago .

I think it's all down to individual needs and what works really , I've had no councilling , no GA or therapy of any description except for the help of this place and it's wonderfull people , due to work commitments ie strange hours, I couldn't get to a GA meeting even if I wanted to , that being said if I felt the need for councilling , that is something I would def seek out .

Perhaps you husband has come to his Eurika moment , especially if he risks losing you for good ? , I'm afraid time is the only thing that will prove what he's saying to be true but until then you will maybe have to trust him one more time and see how things pan out ?.

I wish you well ......................Alan

Hi, KitKat,

I'd respectfully but totally disagree with the suggestion about another chance - your call, if that's what you want but not otherwise. There are worrying red flags about what you're previously posted. The not getting anything out of previous attempts at counselling (not seeing it through), the search for short cuts, the attempt to go it alone?

Trust him if you must, but not with anything financial.

Be careful, KitKat.

Apologies kitkat , I thought this was a new post and have just seen your previous " Rock bottom " post in which case I could easily understand your trust dissapearing very quickly !

CW 's post is prob the way forward then !

Sorry again !

Hi Alan, I appreciate and respect your comments, nice to hear comments from the other side and congrats on being 9 months into your recovery. It is nice to hear that you have found help here and this has aided your recovery.

I am begrudgingly carrying on for the time being, just trying to get things in order, and obviously just waiting for the slip up!

Xx

Hi Kitkat, like Al I'm doing ok without counselling although I went for an assessment due to sleep deprivation & would be back there if I ever felt I needed it. Equally I have been to 2 meetings (one GA & one open AA one) & felt a kind of magic in both rooms so I'm open & willing to give anything & everything a shot if required! I'm glad Balvaird posted as I wouldn't have otherwise because personally, I don't think Al & I are particularly good examples (hence why we're both keeping our options wide open) of recovery...The proof is in the reading & the better statistics come from people committing to GA or having therapy be it ACT, CBT or other stuff that I know naff all about! Although both of us do spend hours here, learning & sharing & for us, this is our therapy. What is your hubby doing to move forwards? If it's just abstaining because barriers are up & a shed load of willpower then, I don't think it's enough even with the support of loved ones who know about it now.

Maybe you wanting to leave is his rock bottom because the stuff that he has tried & failed with didn't work because he wasn't ready (counsellors can't cure us, they just guide to better decision making) & now is his time but, that doesn't mean you have to move your goalposts! Recovery is for you too & it's great that you are getting something out of the counselling (call me a cynic but I'm yet to hear a f&f say its a load of old cobblers) but you still have to ensure the rules are sufficient for your needs.

I read that your closest GA was 2 hours away & I could hear Day@atime saying "I always found time to gamble!" I have lost entire days in the fog so yeah, 6 hours (2 there, 2 back, 2 in between) can be justified with that argument! There is lots of GA literature available online that might be worth a read...Printing some off & asking him to read it may be an indication of whether he's really ready to walk over hot coals for you like he should be!

Stay strong & look after you - ODAAT

I cant answer your question.

but i can tell you this i am a CG and in my fiftys

I started gambleing in my mid teens stopprd in my late teens for well over twenty years .

I had no support at the time just the will too stop.

If you do give your partner a secound chance cut off his money supply its the only way.

To be sure, I hope he gives Counselling a real go this time

God bless.