Hi all,
I'm really struggling with lots of things regarding my husband's CG. However, the really awful and complicated thing for me, is that we'd been trying for our second child. This is something that I've wanted for two years now and has been quite all consuming for me emotionally. Of course now that I've found out about the gambling, any future children seem completely out of reach. It doesn't seem sensible to add more children into this financial mess nor can I envisage myself going anywhere near my husband anytime soon anyway! And the toxic environment of our relationship is hardly a sensible place to bring a child into. I'm finding this very very hard as the desire for another child has been overwhelming for so long, I'm totally heartbroken that this is unlikely to be part of my future now. I never wanted an only child and feel sad for my daughter that she won't have siblings (which she'd love to have). I don't even know why I'm posting this, there's no solution or advice to be given really. I guess perhaps it just felt good to write this down
You dont have to be a compulsive gambler to feel the emotional and financial damage it does. If it helps to write down your feelings even if just to get them off your chest then keep doing it.
Hi jazzmax you take me right back to the beginning, remembering times of despair. I had one child, trying for another when it started unraveling. He continued until after our second was born. I don't know what your finances are but if you take control now it is manageable. It's not easy but life does go on, it just has a different view.
I had four before I found out about the gambling!
Nothing to be said to stop your present situation from hurting. However, a few ideas that may help. The idea that the only way out of pain is through it (addicts try to escape).
There’s a saying in recovery circles about living in the moment, the present. You can’t change yesterday and tomorrow is unknown but today is what counts, to live today as best you possibly can because it won’t come back. You can manage today without worrying about what the future may or may not bring. “Learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present”.
Another recovery idea is that you as one individual can’t control all outcomes. You can know what you want, you can make the best choices to get there but ultimately there’s a limit to how far you can control your destiny. That’s why the idea of letting go is so important - and so hard.
The bombshell fell quite recently and it takes time to heal. Take care of yourself, allow yourself the time but get the external help from GamAnon or CoDA, you’re not alone.
CW
Hi JazzMax, I'm in a very similar situation. Really want baby #2, but know that's a very bad decision right now. Feeling devestated, a bit hopeless and sad for our little girl. You are not alone.
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