My husband has been a gambler for most of his adult life. He’s 45 now. He says he doesn’t gamble much, I have no access to his bank account/credit cards, but about 10 years ago I found a credit card statement showing he spent thousands each month. I was devastated and we talked and he promised me he would stop. I believed him. I know he’s gambled on and off all the time but I stupidly thought it was nothing. I found a credit card statement today showing he spent £675 last month. I have no idea how much he spends out of his bank account. He earns a good wage, but I worry about money a lot and am always trying to save or be careful about what I buy etc. We have children and I’m now devastated and don’t know how to handle it. Part of me wants to kill him and tell him to leave but I love him and want to help but I don’t know how. I’m at a loss at what to do for the best.
Hi Joanne it's good to see you seeking help. You could call gamcare and talk to someone. You could go to a gamanon meeting. Unfortunately if your husband doesn't see his habit as a problem it's virtually impossible to get them to stop. My husband is 48 gambled since about 16. Had a year at GA 15 years ago and then carried on secretly. He's been back at GA for 8 months. It is totally devastating. The thing you need to do is safeguard your finances. Does he know you've seen his statement? Does he see a problem? What do you want to do? It sounds like you are the one compensating for him not sharing the cost of things. if you can I would talk to him, no ultimatums but tell him it's a problem. Don't pay his debts. It is an addiction of secrets and lies, covering their tracks, hiding. Call gamcare and ask them what to do.
That I you so much for your response. We don’t live in the uk at the moment so makes it hard to contact anyone or get him to go to somewhere for help. He doesn’t know yet but he will when he gets home. I’m going to insist on controlling the finances if he’ll agree which I dont think he will. I don’t know how to make him? He doesn’t accept he’s got a problem. I think because he provides for us he thinks that makes it all ok. It’s making me feel so sick to my stomach thinking about confronting him later.
Joanne if you are scared don't confront him alone. Go on netline and see if someone is there to advise if you can't call.
You can't help him unless and until he wants to be helped and that point isn't usually reached for a CG until the pain of stopping is less than the pain of continuing. If he doesn't accept he has a problem your choices lie with how you want to live and how much of the appalling behaviour that goes with active addiction you are prepared to tolerate. Look after your own interests. Unless he wants to stop you're the only one who will.
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