my husband is a gambling addict and I've come to the end of my patience after knowing him since the age of 16 I'm now 54 and losing everything three times over and having to be the one to sort everything out,
and to be honest it hasn't been until this last time that I realised just what a profound effect it has had on my daughter over the years who is now 27.
he is a quiet talented man who everyone gets on with and likes
including my family, some who have forgiven and stood by him even after this last and terrible time when he gambled all my grandfather's money 200000
he ended up in jail got three and a half years for theft and fraud. got out after 18 months.
my daughter has been a rock to me and I feel terrible because it should be the other way around.
even after this time because my grandfather forgave him.
he is still here and I'm still trying to help
and though we are not together in a marital sense and haven't been for 6 years, he is living in my house and still gambling and the same old lies.
we have also lost a lot of my family over this.
I know I should just kick him out and move on.
I'm just so tired in general mentally and physically
I don't even really know why I didn't do it years ago when I lost my first house.
am I right to think there is no helping him?
he went to CBT when he was on bail but hasn't done anything since his release.
am I right to think I should finally give up on him, it is really hard as I love him as in every other way even though even saying this after all he has done it sounds pathetic.
he is a good person. and I know its an illness and that's what I've kept in mind when things have got really bad
is it time to get on with my own life whats left of it and move on?
Hi dcomer
I would say yes maybe it is time to move on. From reading what you wrote it doesn't seem that he wants to change. Even after all he has done. He might be a great person at all other time's. Most of us are but he's an addict.
Don't let him take you down with him.
You can't change him only he can do that.
It's a hard decision to make and I hope you make the right one.
All the best for now
Deano
Hello dcomer
Welcome to the forum it sounds like it has been a very difficult time for you and Im sorry to hear that you are tired generally as well as physically and mentally. If you would like to talk with someone we have a helpline where you can talk with an advisor about your concerns the helpline number is 0808 8020 133 and helpline are open 8am -midnight. There is counselling available free for anyone affected by problem gambling and services are across the uk helpline advisors will be able to give you more information on this service in your area. There is help and support for your husband and he can also call us here for information and support in getting help for his gambling problem.
Keep posting we are here to support you
Take care
Forum admin
I don't know where to turn my partner of 13 years is a gambler I have bailed him out and got into debt for our family to pay bills and he keeps doing it. I am suffering from stress with it all. I get so frustrated by his lies in go to the shop and buy a bottle of wine. Not every night but every other I would say to block the stress out. He is now blaming me saying he gamblers because I drink. I love him so much but feel so helpless. I have children and I know we will lose our house etc if I stay with him and don't take control. It is so so hard. He also works away and I accuss him of having affairs as I get so paranoid what he's up due to not trusting him it eats away at me. He still goes out and has a social life and doesn't go without but me and the kids go with out because of the debt I'm in. It's a voious circle. He said he thought we were both going to get help but we haven't managed that I'm afraid! Like he doesn't give a dam. He says I've havent helped or supported him weather rightly or wrongly I have tried. I am now going to get help to support me as I carnt cope I have sent him telephone numbers to get help too but had no reply from him. I have left him a few times but this time I need some strength to stick to it he never comes chasing back its always me.
hi Deano,
thank you for this,
and your right, he needs to decide for himself if he wants to get help for his addiction.
and he has already dragged me down enough which I have finally realised after losing so much the final straw being my family.
I am leaving my home in march to try and start a new life in the US.
all the very best to you.
Deb
All the best for your future Deb....sounds like exciting times ahead x
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