Emotional blackmail

Hi TKJ.

It is very sad and painful that your wife is a very unhealthy gambling addict.

She applies emotional blackmail on you that is her transferring her pains fears and frustrations on to you.

The addiction is a very unhealthy self destructive habit.

I nervously walked into the recovery program a long time ago.

By going to many meetings I found out that I had unhealthy emotional triggers.

Emotional triggers for me my were pains I could not heal, an emotional trigger were my were fears I could not face and reduce, an emotional trigger were my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I could reduce, an emotional trigger were my fears of emotional intimacy and feeling a loner and disconnected, an emotional trigger for me was boredom because I could feel productive and I was not able to commit to my needs my wants and in time set goals for me to achieve.

She threatens divorce which is a very painful thing to do.

If your wife invests lots of time going to meetings she will be able to help her self heal her pains.

Often Gambling addicts will find it hard to talk about about things that are healthy and important 

There are Gamanon meeting for partners of Gambling addicts.

I have told people that if they want to go to recovery rooms I will go with them when are ready for it..

Money was only the fuel for our unhealthy addiction.

Dave L

Dear Tjk,

Welcome to the Forum,

I am concerned to read that you describe your wife using emotional blackmail. This may even be seen as abusive, and you may wish to contact your national domestic abuse services for advice. It can be painful to experience cycles of irrational behaviour, lies and threats. It may be helpful to you to get some support for yourself even if your wife does not feel ready to address her gambling yet. As you have used the word ‘gas’ rather than ‘petrol’ I am assuming that you are not based in the UK, so I have put a link to a list of international gambling support charities: International Support Contacts - GamCare

It can be tempting to oscillate between paying off a loved one’s debt and letting them resolve it themselves but without them actually addressing the potential underlying gambling urge the cycle may continue anyway. In the meantime, you may benefit from securing money from your side to at least try and pay the main bills and have access to food.

As a partner you can access some ‘live’ peer support in one of our friends and family online Chatrooms if you wish which will be Tuesdays 12-1pm (UK time) and Thursdays 7-8pm (UK time): Chatrooms - GamCare

Best Wishes,

Louise

Forum Admin

This is shocking behaviour, the addiction can make us selfish however their is no excuss for you tolerate this behaviour is their any way for you to talk to a close family, nobody deserves to be treated like c**P i personally helped a close family friend get a divorce as she was in an abusive relationship, at my height of my addiction i still knew what right from wrong was i hope you get the support u need