Hello all,
My parents divorce is going through and the house has sold and they will be moving out in a month. So they will be going their separate ways. It has been awful as his drinking is out of control and he's falling down/ passing out occasionally. But when sober he just acts as normal and never once has he admitted that he gambles! The denial phase has been going on for very long. His lack of remorse and arrogance is one of the worst things about the whole situation.
Fortunately no further borrowing in mum's name has been done since October. But he's made no effort to try and change his ways. He's still gambling in the day and drinking in the night. It's quite sad as they've been together almost 40 years but there's no other way. His behaviour is very difficult to handle. I'm really happy that mum will be able to live peacefully but I know that there will be a ball of sadness that will be there for a long time. Luckily the process of moving and settling into a new home will keep us busy and not dwelling on what has happened. Onwards and upwards!
How do I delete this post please? I don't want to bother anyone and I'm sure these others who require more support/advice on here.
Hi Peaceseeker, it sounds such a difficult time, for both you and your mum. I guess you posted because you do need support at the moment, it cannot be easy seeing your parents divorce. Yes your fathers gambling and drinking is the problem, but he is still your father. You must be worried about how both of them are going to cope. Yes you will be kept busy, but you also need to stop and face the pain, so that it cannot continue to hurt you in the future. Please keep in touch x
Hi Rhoda,
Yes it's so difficult to see him destroy himself. I feel guilty as I'm looking forward to moving on and knowing mum is safer once financially disconnected from him. So much of my life revolves around protecting my mum and trying to help with things that are really his responsibility. Yet I can't just let go as much as self-preservation means I can never trust him nor have a deep relationship with him.
You are correct, I must find a way to face this pain. I've always put both of their feelings and needs first for so long I'm not really sure how to even do this!!! Thank you for your kind words.
Peace seeker, have you contacted Gamcare? They can arrange free counselling sessions; you are a victim of gambling, there is help there for you. It won't stop you feeling it, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. I am sure others will be along soon to offer support x
Hi peacekeeper,
Really sorry to hear what's happened to your mum and you.
I am the gambler in my family but I just felt like I should comment as I saw you asked for your posts to be taken down......please don't do that as this really is a great place to get support from others in similar situations.
Sounds like things are moving forward with your mums divorce so maybe now is a good time to start thinking about yourself and the affect it has had on you.
As Rhoda had suggested why don't you give gamcare a call or even better try and get to a gamanon meeting.
Anyway I wish you well and hope that things work out for you.
Damo
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