Here we go again

Dear diary

Today has been a wonderful day

My daughter went off to work, me and the boys slept til way after mid morning.

We've had a fantastically chilled out day, none of us have been stressed over what my husband might have been up to, to destroy us.

Friends turned up this evening, I wasn't fazed by what mood the husband might have been in coz he's not here anymore. I sat and drank too much wine with lovely people in a totally chilled out atmosphere while all our children ran around. The house was filled with so much laughter and at times quite loud. I have wonderful neighbours so just as well.

What a wonderful gambler free day

Shellyb

More power to you Shellyb. It sounds like you've really turned a corner in your thinking.

Keep strong, even when he comes back pleading: "Oh but I've really changed this time, this time it'll be different, I promise..."

Because you are a good person and still love him deep down, it may pluck on your heart strings and you'll surely get tempted. But, in my opinion, stay strong - just as us CG's have to resist the urge to make bad decisions, so will you. Hold on to yesterday's day of happiness without stress.

(Hope I'm not getting too sincere all up in your face with my posts, but for some reason your story really connects with me, and I wish you well).

Molehole

Hello diary

It's been a very busy weekend being mum and dad to my wonderful boys. Yesterday was filled with attending birthday parties and today they were at a competition.

Yesterday my daughter contacted her dad to give him the details of his sons competition. He said he would be there to support them & for their sake everyone would be civil.

That gut feeling that always told me he was gambling and hiding things hit me today, so I decided not to tell the lads he was coming to watch - glad I didn't. He didn't turn up. Another session on the roulette wheel is my educated guess on what kept him away.

This week ahead is going to be busy putting my life together and planning my future with visits to solicitors etc.

separating our finances is going to be a battle but it's one that I'll win

Hope it works out for you. Keep strong.

Molehole

Hi Shellyb,

Good to read that things going better for you and on the other hand sorry to read that your husband is just proving you right again in letting his kids down.

I'm sure the day will come when he will understand what he really lost.

I'm sure that your sons still had a great competition with the support of their mum.

I do really wish for you that your life is improving more with everyday and that it gives you every day more distance to the nightmare you've been through.

You are a very good and strong person and you deserve a better life than what you had over 15 years.

Best wishes

Wolfgang

hi wolfgang & thank you

my boys did amazingly well in their competition thank you and are now preparing for the European championships at the end of this year

they are so excited and i am so proud of their dedication and hard work.

today i saw a solicitor who gave me some good advice on next steps to take.

i feel at the moment i am pretending to be a strong person, i know i can do it, i know i will be better on my own but im just so exhausted mentally emotionally and the physically is starting to catch up.

i think once everything that needs dealing with is done and life begins again for me i will be fine. just wish i could fast forward 6 month and all this be a hard lesson learned but my messed up marriage be a dim and distant memory - i need a remote control for life lol

shellyb

You doing great Shelly and I'm pretty sure that you are a strong person you will get there.

And the day will come when you are over it all and you will meet the person who deserves your trust and love and is giving you the same in return.

Sometimes we have to make some really bad experience before we find our real love in life.

Went through it myself and it made me more careful in one way and I was actually at the point where I accepted to live a single life and I wouldn't say I was unhappy but something was missing.

Than I met Lou 2 years ago and we getting married next year.

I'm very happy with Lou and can trust her in any way that's why I'm so disappointed with myself that I've had this relapse.

A promise made by a compulsive gambler is always to be questioned (my opinion) but I promised myself that I never again will put her through this and somehow I really believe it.

What actually is it your sons doing if you don't mind asking ?

All the best for you and your family

Wolfgang

Hi Wolfgang

My sons are kick boxers 🙂 been doing it for 2 years now and they make me so proud every day

Hi molehole & hope your well

Thank you for the words of encouragement & I offer encouragement to you in return.

I had a lovely catch up with a good friend today who has been there for me every time my husband has done this to me.

She gave me the 3rd degree on how I really was feeling and coping etc.

talking to her over a Big Mac lol ( other burger companies are available) I came to realise that since my husbands last episode my feelings towards him had changed. Last year was so destroying in what he did and how low he sunk that this time round it's just practicalities that need to be sorted. I actually have not one drop of emotional attachment to him. I think he gambled and lied every last drop of trust love and respect I had for him right out of me.

My wonderful friend has a way of bringing out the best in me - even if she does force me to use the gym more than I'm sure is healthy 🙂

Shel

Afternoon diary

Yesterday was a tough day and couldn't bring my self to post. Husband turned up unexpectedly still in the 'angry, abusive, it's everyone else's fault except his, he's not responsible for anything that's gone wrong & he's the only one who right' mood

Scared the doobry out of me. The look in his eyes and the sternness in his face - pure hatred.

Had to dial for help as youngest is too scared to play in the garden now incase his dad turns up. This is just the pits.

How can one person behave in such a fowl and disgusting way, drive his own family away and be so cruel to young children. I've read about people like him in some grim books but never did I ever think the desperation that gambling can drive people to would ever be something I'd experience myself

For today me and my children are safe & protected. For ever we have each other 🙂

Yes Shelly

Compulsive gambling illness is incredibly strong and affects so many people - not only the gambler but those around them

There is hope but he has to want the help

Maybe he doesn't want it now but please keep an open mind to the future.

All the best

Triangle

Hi triangle and thank you for your post

I hope for my children's sake their dad really does wNt to recover one day and turns to someone for help

His mum & dad and are there for him at the moment but if he continually abuses peoples kindness help support and trust he will lose them too. His parents are all he has left.

There's nothing more I can do or want to do for him now.

Shelly

My dear friend I read your post yesterday but in honesty was so angry I choose not to post, emotion sometimes still gets the better of me, growing up with an aggressive father who is still to my knowledge a compulsive gambler your post raised some memories close to the bone.

Today I detest all forms of abuse,mental just as much as pyhsical.

So I have through recovery learnt to take a step back,breathe,evaluate and then open my mouth.

Before I would just jump in with out thinking,often causing just as much damage,not fixing the mess I left.

So today I will just write this, recovery is the one selfish act I will gift myself,it is a choice for me and can only be made by me.

Yes it won't suit everybody,but without doubt gifts me,makes me a better person,the result is my life does'nt any longer make huge waves upon other folks lives indirectly.

For you I hope the very same.

You deserve it,more than me.

You are one of the innocent folk

Keep making the right choice for you.

Have a good bank holiday

Duncs stepping forward never back

Evening duncs

You have no idea how much your support as does others help and for that I thank you

Making that call for help was probably one of the toughest I've ever made. To say out loud and involving others is something I've spent 15 years being told I wasn't allowed to do. I could never tell anyone as I'd be responsible for him losing his job, losing income, and the knock on effects etc - it would all be my fault

The police were helpful and supportive and I now have my home flagged for help. The children are a little more at ease today knowing what to do and how everyone is helping to help them feel safe. Schools notified etc. I can't quite believe me and my children are in this situation because of a betting habit. My children are eating free school meals cos their dad spent 49000 in the last 12 months on fruit machines. If it wasn't so real it would seem like a story. Someone else's story as this is not the life I could even have imagined in my worst dream for my adorable kids.

There's only one thing I can promise all 3 of them and that's I will always adore them with every breath in me - I already feel as if I've let them down but will strive to make a future for them where what they've experienced in life so far becomes a dim and distant memory

Shellyb

Hi ShellyB,

I have been following your thread for a while now and you have shown great courage and honesty In your posts.

I was with my partner for 5 years before we called it off due to my gambling problem.

She was the best thing to ever walk into my life, yet I still hid things, lied to her, blamed her and definately didnt treat her as I should have.

I tried to stop many times, but I guess remorse, guilt, debt and other things always drew me back in.

We have just decided to give our relationship another go after 14 months apart and for the last 5 months I have been gambling free.

I have paid off over half of my debt, put barriers in place, attend GA and post regular on this forum. The best thing is that she sees a change in my attitude, as do I.

This time was different as I wanted to stop for me, not just her... I wanted to stop and because of that everything else is falling into place.

I dont envy you in your position, but all I can say is that the more help you give to a compulsive gambler, the more we will take from you, until WE reach the point where WE want to stop.

I believe that you have done the right thing for you children and also for yourself. You are not the one to blame and shouldnt put yourself down.

Best wishes for the future,

Scambling