Hi

Hi Jessamax

You are not splitting your family up your husbands behaviour is causing this, you havent done anything wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about

Gamblers are not only incredibly selfish they are also brilliant manipulators and liars, they will have you convinced you did something wrong . All of this takes the emphasis away from their gambling and it helps them to justify their actions in their head.

I know you love your husband and I dont want to sound harsh but you really need to put yourself and children first, a gambler know matter who they are only thinking about their next bet.

If you want to support him and stay with him he should be prepared to hand over all financial control to you and be prepared to do everything you ask him to do including counselling, GA or both. If he says no or only or is only willing to do some things but not all then I would highly doubt his intentions, theres no half measures with this. I highly recommend you get some counselling for yourself too, Gamcare can arrange that for you, for me Im sure it saved my sanity.

My son is a complusive gambler and we have came to the point where we can not have him in our lives anymore. This comes after several years of living with his very bad behaviour and we were left with no other choice. If we could of done any thing different it would of been to looked after ourselves better and been far tougher with him.

You decide when to say enough is enough and what is right for you and your family, not him

I

Thank you for your reply, I just can't take anymore of the lies, he makes out that because we're not destitute he isn't that bad! But the way it makes me feel inside is just horrific, after he's gambled he is full of apologies and swears he'll never do it again but I know he will. I feel so unimportant and low in myself, if it wasn't for my kids I'd probably just throw myself under a bus. Sorry for sounding all woe is me its just great to finally vent x

Hi Jessamax

I know exactly how you are feeling I was at the same point as you when I came to this forum. Call Gamcare to arrange some counselling for yourself, I promise it will be one of the best things you will ever do, while you wait for that it might be a good idea to see your gp.

Your children need a healthy happy Mum so your health and well being is a priority, do what you need to do to look after yourself both physically and mentally before you do anything else. Have you got family or friends you can talk to ?, or call Gamcare to just talk to someone, they really understand and can help. Keep comimg to this forum and vent as much as you want it all helps, you are not on your own, everyone here understands 🙂

Gamblers are full of apologies and at that moment in time I think they really want to stop but it doesnt last if they dont get the help they need, and show 100% commitnent to recovery.

You are very important, and you dont have to live like this, its up to you when you decide enough is enough.

Im not telling you what to do but I can tell you that as much as I love my son and miss him and wish this had never happened I will never go back to living with him, it was sheer hell. Apart from yesterday when he decided to tell us what he thought of us yet again, the last few weeks that hes been gone have been peaceful, and very normal, the way family life should be.

Tonight do something nice for yourself and the kids, watch a movie, have a bubble bath what ever it is you like that will give you a break. Sounds so simple but it does help, some times you just have to distract yourself and not think as I call it.

XXX

Thank you, you've been so kind I really appreciate your comments x

Hi, Jessamax,

I've written longer posts on the same theme but my experience is that there's a real difference when they decide to stop and that the difference is obvious. First time round, I got denials, blame, secrecy, promises to stop that I now know were outright lies. In other words, I got the lip service and half measures that were intended to shut me up whilst leaving the door open for him to carry on gambling, which he did. This time round, he has handed over financial control, cooperates with barriers, goes to GA. It's not easy, I don't know if or when I'll get over it and there's always the spectre of relapse but for the moment he is in recovery and the abuse that comes with gambling has stopped.

Put yourself (and the kids?) first, separate your finances before you get caught up in his quagmire. I recommend getting your £2 credit report and his from the three main credit reference agencies, so that the damage is obvious. Don't rely on what he says, if he doesn't cooperate with obtaining his reports then that's not a good sign. Also if he wants to stop, you would expect to be given full financial control, if he resists, it's not a good sign. And he should be willing to go to counselling and or GA, he'll need external help.

Even then, you have to decide what you're prepared to put up with, nothing's easy.

Hope this helps, take care,

CW

Thanks for your replies everyone, when does this anger subside? When can I look at him and not hate him? I've read so much and I understand it's an illness but for me it's hard to not see what he does as a middle finger up at me, he sees how broken I am and still he does it! He has promised me the world and says he'll never give up trying to win me over but I'm not sure if I want him to? I can't see through my anger. I did something last night to hurt him so he'd have a taster of how I feel but it was stupid really as it never helped me in the slightest and now he feels like he is the victim! My head is in such a mess!

my gambler going into recovery... it was like he had had a personality transplant. The more time goes on, the more I know that the moeny didnt matter, it was the way he treated me and the kids, thats what broke me down. He's had a brief slip in recovery and it was the return of mr moody that immediately flagged up there was a problem, it took me alot more time for the actual trusth about money to reveal itself, but the slip back into being that ******* again was what i wouldnt, couldnt tolerate. Back in recovery now, mr nice is back, he doesnt provoke the anger or resentment that i have for the gambler, so i choose to leave those feelings behind, it hurts me too much to carry them with me all the time.