Hi I'm new to this forum and just looking for some advice and to know I'm not alone really.
Quick story - my fiance has always gambled on fruit machines, he has never quit but he had gotten much better and to a point I thought he had even stopped. But the last few months he started just taking more and more money, then we had subs taken from his wages that he borrowed, and then every time he used his card he was taking 30-80 each time for no reason and it was getting to a point we couldnt afford our bills. I warned him 2 weeks ago that I wouldnt take any more and I need to put our 2 young children first so if he did it again I would ask him to leave.
Well this week he did it again, 80 on fruit machines gone, leaving me no spare money for food and milk for my 6 week old son. Thankfully I have a credit card but I shouldnt have to use that for basic things like food!
So I have asked him to leave, or get help.
But now he is insisting he doesnt need help. He says he can do it on his own, but every time he does this he swears he wont do it again, like a broken record, so why is this time any different? How can I get through to him that he obviously cant do it on his own because I warned him that if he did it again it would split us up and yet he has done it again!!
Basically I'm just after some advice as to what to do. He is at work today and I have asked him to give me a good reason why he shouldnt leave and prove to me he actually wants to stay and wants to stop gambling but if he's refusing to get help I dont see how he can prove anything to me. I'm starting to even think that he wants to leave but doesnt want to be the man that walked out on his children so is pushing me to make him leave because he just seems to be putting in no effort whatsoever apart from just saying "I will stop", which frankly just isnt good enough for me anymore.
Hi, thanks for the reply half life. He's already allowed me full control of the finances and he is only getting money I give him which he is ok with. The recent incident was due to me having to allow him the bank card to get his bus pass as I could not go out and get it and he then withdrew money for the fruit machine too. As soon as I queried him about it he admitted what it was for, but he doesn't seem to want to admit it until I discover money missing and then question it.
My biggest worry is him borrowing though, his boss allows him to have subs and then when his wages go in the account they are less than I was expecting as they have taken back what he owes.
I just don't know how I can help when he insists he can stop gambling on his own without help from anyone, and I don't want to break up our family with my babies being so young (plus I have no idea how I can afford to be on my own with 2 children under 2!). I think he wants to quit he just refuses to get any help with it.
I was playing with the idea of speaking to his parents and see if they can talk any sense into him but I don't know if that's a good idea. They are already aware he has some sort of issue as he had to borrow 180 from them a couple of months ago after spending all of our bill money on the fruit machines.
Yeah that's pretty much what I've told him this morning. That I will be looking at making arrangements for how I can get by as a single parent (informing tax credits im alone, getting council tax reduction etc) unless he can show me he wants to stop rather than just telling me. If he fails to do anything then I'll be going ahead with asking him to leave.
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