My partner of 4 yrs has a gambling problem, but he can't admit it to himself. We struggle to get by most months even though we both work, we have 5 children, of which 3 live with us. There has been times in the past where he has used the rent money and lost and we have been playing catch up ever since. He has no family local to us and most of his friends like a gamble too. I've lied to my own family and children to keep all of this from them, I dont want them to think bad of either us- him for doing it and me for staying. His own family know nothing of what's been going on. We've borrowed money off family to pay the rent and I've lied about the reasons for that too. I thought we'd turned a corner recently and things were better for a while, but we got paid this week and I know that he has gambled the rent money once again. I really worry about what would happen to him if I left and I'm most concerned that he wouldn't get the help he so deeply needs without my support, I know he has been feeling really low and often turns to drink to hide away from it, this however can lead him to bet more if he's already out. I dont know how much more I can take, he's gambling with the roof over our heads.
Hello Worriedandwornout,
It is good that you are posting here in the 'Family and friends' section of our forum. Our forum members will encourage you to focus your efforts on yourself, to prioritise your own safety, security and well-being. Some people give the example of the advice given to airflight passengers if the oxygen masks appear during turbulence; you attach your own oxygen mask to your own face, before you try to help others. Our forum members encourage self-care and using support for yourself, as they appreciate that those actions can protect you and also can help you to achieve more stability and resilience so that you can support others if you choose.
You mentioned difficulties with paying the rent so you might like to get advice from Shelter about your rights as a tenant: https://england.shelter.org.uk/get_help/helpline
You might like to look at GamAnon meetings: http://gamanon.org.uk/?page_id=30
Please feel welcome to call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 for more support.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Hey Worriedand wornout
I just joined this week as I just discovered my husband has a serious gambling problem spending all the money from a joint account. Its happened 3 times in 3 months and my first rule to myself was I'm not keeping this secret. I told my mother, his parents and brothers and sisters. On the one hand to check if he had borrowed from them and also for support. Secrecy feeds addiction. Its also not something you need to be ashamed of as you have done nothing wrong.
I'm looking into ways I can support him but I'm mainly trying to sort out the finances by going to the bank. I'm hoping i can stop him accessing any cash. Ever. If he wants to come back these are the rules. He will have less money a week than my 5yr old. He also needs to access counselling.
This may not work for you I appreciate that but please get some support for you. Especially when you have to cope day to day as the only functioning parent.
Look after yourself x
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
