How could i be so stupid & naive.???

But maybe I am wrong.

Maybe it isn't compulsive gambling, maybe he does have system, with his financial spread betting on the indices. Although I do think that he went for betting on gold too, at one point.

I just don't think losing £70000 in 18 months is very smart, with his system and the want/need to continue to get it back.

Call it trading or gambling . It is just so WRONG.

But how can i prove to him that he has a problem. Maybe he thinks that you have to grow horns to be a CG. Or that the letters CG become visible on your forehead.

He doesn't believe that he behaved any different during winning or losing times.

I called him the No Man. Always saying no to our son, but obvious now, the worries drained his energy to even be there for our son.

Me, well, he never came to bed before i was dead to the world.

He would be in the bathtub every evening, for an hour, when he got in from work.

Smartphone in his PJ shorts pocket at 6am in the morning. Who was gonna call him then?? Suspect he sat in the loo, surfing the web on his phone. But he denies this.

Oh God will it ever end???

I did exactly what your husband did, waiting for wife to go to sleep and hiding in toilet with phone, so no need to suspect. Hope you are keeping well, aside from your ongoing struggles.

Phil

How can i explain the heartache. A physical pain in my chest. I hurt through the feeling of wanting to scream and cry.

Last night he came to collect our son for swimming.

I requested the password and login for the gambling account, stating that he was in so much of a mess, that someone has to look at it.

He gave it to me without a word and left. On returning with our son, he said that he had to go and deliver the car to the mechanic for today's service. This was true.

I sat and read through 12 years of spread betting, but I know another bookie was used five year ago, so more to see if still accessible.

FRIGHTENING. I had no idea of the extent of his spread betting till last night.

But today i notice that he has lost another £730. When will he stop.?? Whilst making £26 five minutes ago.

He is convinced he will pay off the 14K on his credit cards with winnings.

He is self destructing, because he knows he is in a dead end and that if he maybe asked to come back, I would say no.

He won't ask to come back, because our relationship obviously didn't make him happy. Our lifestyle wasn't good enough for him I assume. o*g. We had provided a much higher standard of living for our children ,much better than he had as a child. So how much did/does he want.?

We had lovely holidays, but obviously not enough I fear.

He loves my family and relations who always welcomed him. They loved him, but this has hurt them.

Where can I find strength to see my life fall apart in front of my eyes.?

So where do I find the best advice???

I need to protect my home if possible and try to ensure that my children can remain in the family home until they finish their schooling.

My husband wants us to stay in the home, but his financial indice spread betting CG'ing will make everything so unsafe. He has moved in with his elderly, poorly parents.

Where are the answers for my dilemmas & questions???

Have any of you managed to sort something that might just help my future ?

Hi Bali

I'm in a similar situation not really knowing if we will lose our house. And then being left with half the debt. Although my husband ( separated now) says he will keep paying the mortgage. I can't trust his word. He said when we bought the house he would never be a gambler again. He said he'd never risk it. Just 2 weeks after moving in he was running up debts his wages just can't cover. Then he gets angry at me for having concerns over the house etc. his word can never be trusted. I've decided that I can either sit back and worry myself in to an early grave about things that I truly cannot control. Or I can say well it hasn't happened today. If it happens tomorrow I will be in debt too with the mortgage company and I will be homeless. My children will need to be uprooted from their lives. I will most likely have to leave my daughter behind etc etc etc but for now I'm not worrying and getting on with living. I think by living this way now, it may be burying my head a little but I'm building strength daily to come out fighting when I need too.

I would seek legal advice tho as this may help. If you are separated see if you can seek financial support legally as they don't take the ex's debts into consideration when it comes to child support. If he's left with debts he can't pay once he's supported your children then I'm sorry but its tough on him. Get a financial separation order which separates you from his debts and that's the best I can help with at the mo as I'm no further along x

Save your energy and come out fighting when you need too

Shelly

I have to move on .

Each time the promises, then the lies. How many chances does a person need, before one says enough is enough.?

I can't continue to believe that we can resolve things. I pity him, I have lost all trust in him and lost respect too. I have been hurt too many times and lived the past two years under a cloud of suspicion, yet unable to prove anything , when he displayed all the signs of gambling stress.

I need to make a financial separation and try to protect our home.

He continues to gamble, so the house is still at risk, especially if he needs cash to clear any debts.

I just don't know where to get the best advice.

A solicitor may not have experience in a separation/divorce owing to gambling issues. I feel like there must be specialists out there, but where ?? I don't want to destroy my husband, but I need to protect the children and possibly the family home whilst the kids are of school age.

Where do i start??

Hi Bali

I'd contact the netline to see about specialist advice when it comes to gambling and separation and divorce.

I've heard pros and cons on here about declaring that gambling is the reason for a split ..as in Duncs case it has helped bit in another persons case I know it didn't .

When dealing with organisations I always find it better to say that I separated due to an addiction unless I'm asked further ..

You will know when you reach your limit Bali...

Keep posting R and D xz

He is still hoping that i will forgive him in time, but he doesn't realise that the 11 years of gambling have eaten me away.

I have made it clear, but he just can't accept it. How many times does one forgive and forget. ???

Three years ago was the LAST time. And to find out that over 75000 has gone missing in the last 18 months is too much for me to accept. The lies and promises never end. Last night I found out another secret, that he has borrowed from his parents to get out of trouble more times than i knew.

Two weeks ago , i found 22000 had been lent to him in December, but all gone too.

He is a complete Jekyll and Hyde.

But i won't scream and shout and have to be dignified for my own sanity and our kids.

He is just the friendly man i loved and you wouldn't know that there is any issues in his life. But they aren't issues to him, he will make the money again. Of that he is sure.. Frightening

I just can't get my head around it.

Why would i want to have him back by my side as my husband/partner?? As the father of the children , yes, but not to love. Not to share my life with.

The lies just keep on coming. When does a lie become the truth.

I have had so many promises of the truth , only to find it was a lie.

Information is cherry picked and so much is hidden.

I remember the things he told me, which he seems to deny days/months/years later.

How many chances? How many false starts.

What would he advise his beautiful daughter if she ever came home with her problems. Ironically, he'd tell her to move on without the CG. But expects me to just keep forgiving and taking him back into my arms.

NO LONGER !!! I need my self respect and to feel loved and not used. I feel like a get out clause for my DH. He will lose everything, but he believes that i am still there to take him back when he decides to return back home.

Gone 7 months , he can stay away.!

Back after a few months away and nothing has changed.

DH still denies that he is gambling and calls it trading, which isn't the same as horses or sport. All i can tell you is that over £30000 has been lost via an online bookie since the start of last December.

Last week I begged him to set a limit of how much more he would throw away to keep the account open. He set his limit and I almost believed it, until the fraud department from the bank called today, to query an unusual credit card transaction. So I found out again that he had pumped more money in.

He promise our daughter about his limit, a promise made last week and DH has broken that now. Only £50 over the promise , but still broken.

How low can a father stoop.?

Will he ever turn around and ask me why I didn't take him by the hair, kickin & screaming to seek help. In years to come he will blame me, but i get the blame for so much. I managed to get him to agree to an assessment at a clinic, but alas that was cancelled. I see no remedy or help on the horizon. Just a broken wife with two beautiful children to protect.

At times, I am unable to go on. I would love an escape. The tears are flowing as I witness the destruction and am feeling like my life is falling apart. Divorce is my only option to try and take a step into a life where I can try to protect our future. How can I try to make him seek help and stop this damage to himself and everyone around him.????

Things seem to be getting so nasty now and the sad part is, that I barely recognise the man that i have shared my life with, for 28 years.

Almost one year since he walked out , in his attempt to conceal his lies and deception.

The money continues to disappear and he is sure of a gain.

His promise of a limit has been broken and he is out of control.

When does this destruction end.?

I am at my end. I can't take anymore, seeing all that we worked so hard for has been a complete lie for the past 12 years. I am about to see everything we achieved disappear thru his gambling. What did he expect, when he finishes work in 6 years time? He will have debts and then I will have to continue to work to pay his debts off????

I now find out that he stopped his pension contributions and relies on his financial spread betting to bring in his future money.

My god, i was kept in the dark.

Lies lies lies. I always trusted him. I was so wrong.

A few weeks short of three years since he left me. Divorced for 20 months, but my nightmare goes on. He continues to gamble and will never win his financial trading. He continues to 'invest' in his spread betting and convinced it will turn around. I am liable to debts for five years after the divorce, by way of the fact that our family home is jointly owned. Our home is his only asset and provides a roof over our childrens' heads. He enjoys the comfort of being a credit card t**t and lives with his disabled parents. Within three weeks of moving back there, he blagged £22,000. from his elderly mum. Alas that went straight into his gambling account and was gone to zero within 8 months. He has squandered too much to mention in this post and continues to put his children at risk from homelessness. WHY? How can anyone make him see that it is a compulsive addiction and not financial investing.??? His actions affect so many directly , yet he hides in his elderly parents home and has minimum contact with children of 14 and almost 17. I live each day by a thread and wait for this to break and for us to fall from a great height. He doesnt live a nightmare whilst he is in hidden from his friends and family who knew about his trading, he abandoned all that he used to share his trading with. But never shared the truth of how much on credit cards and how much he blindly ploughed in. His new existance is so comfortable, whilst new friends and contacts know nothing of his trading.

He hurts too many people with his blindness or is it me that is blind?? How do I protect our children from his inevitible fallout.?

Try GamAnon?

Hi Bali

Im a Mum to a son who is a compulsive gambler and although our stories are about a different loved one practically everything else is the same.

As a mum I thought I could of put up with anything from my son because I love him so much, and all I ever wanted was for him to be well and happy. But the fact is unless a gambler wants to stop for themselves nothing we do will make any difference.

None of my sons friends know of his gambling, and until recently nobody in our family knew either. As parents we are the people who lived with him and got to see what its really like to live with someone who gambles. It never seemed fair that we got the monster yet everyone else got the polite happy young man that had been missing to us for a long time.

The fact is that gamblers thrive on secrecy, thats how they get away with it for so long, and hiding it in my opinion is actually one of the worst things we can do because it lets them continue unchecked.

As for your MIL who knows what your husband has told her, speaking from a Mums point of view its incredibly hard to say no to your child no matter how old they are if we see them in trouble, and as I said who knows what sob story hes given her. My son used to tell me he had no food in his flat, what Mum wouldnt give him money for food ? plus over time there were many more totally plausible reasons as to why he had no money and I gave him it until of course I found out it was for gambling and I stopped giving him any money.To say I was shocked is an understatement how could he do such a thing but unfortunately a cg will do just that no matter who they are. If it were me Id tell her what hes doing in the long run its not doing her or your husband any favours, it just keeps the lie going.

This is an awful way to live not knowing whats coming next or will they live up to their promises this time, it feels like its never going to end. My son like your husband still hasnt faced up to reality and still gambles and unfortunately while they do nothing you nor I can say or do will make any difference its all about their next bet, and nothing else matters.

You're not blind, youve done nothing wrong all you want to do is protect yourself and your children. In time your husbands world will gradually start to unravel any friends will start to see through his lies and manipulation and so will his parents, he wont be able to hide it all indefinetly.

Trying to have a rational conversation with a cg is complete waste of time, they will never see it your way and will try to justify their behaviour any way and will try and convicne you black is white.Its not nice to say but we have to face facts, they will lie, cheat manipulate and even steal if thats what needs be to get their next bet, I know this because my son has done them all.

I know you say you are tied to debts for some time but Id still be wanting more legal advice surely theres ways you can protect you and your children financially. Id also be looking for counselling for you and your children if you havent already done it, Ive found it a great help.

How are you getting on?

CW