How do I tell him I know?

Ok I'm even more concerned now, he clearly doesn't want to talk about it I mentioned that our son needed some help on the computer earlier so I'd had to go back through the Internet history, left the conversation light, joked that it took ages but got there eventually and think i managed to save the page to make it easier next time, he must know that I saw the gambling support pages etc and if he looked at the history he'd know I have seen his comments, but he's said nothing, I've just been to use the computer and he's put passwords on so I can't even use it, I know I need to say something to him but don't know where to start, it just seems insane!! We both know I know but carried on as if nothing's happened, I was trying to give him chance to tell me himself so he didn't feel attacked or forced but I can't ignore the fact that he's now locked me out of the computer etc so I'm going to have to confront him I just feel sick thinking of what might happen next

Hi panda. This is similar to how I found out about my partner. You need to tell him you know, u may feel sick about what's coming but it's worse keeping it bottled up, trust me, if I've learned anything the last two months I've been going through this it's that communication is so so important. Tell him you want to support him and just want to understand but you need to know the whole truth about everything. deep breaths, I know how hard this is but it's better to know than over thinking everything in your head. Speak to him. Be calm. Hope it goes as okay as it can, thinking of you xx

panda

I am a recovering compulsive gambler,my destructive gambling nearly destroyed my marriage and my relationship with my kids.

Gambling addiction isolated me from those I hold dear,I really could not see the emmense damage I was bringing,I actually gambled to within one day of losing our family home. I simply could not bring myself to admit my addiction to anyone,worst of all myself. In truth it broke me,I actually set about taking my own life before I was stopped by a samaritan.

from that day I embraced recovery,over three years on I am repairing the damage I caused,it all came abouts the day I admitted my shortfall,the addiction was outed,enabling me to address it.

Recovery today is for me very much a family affair,my wife and children in my mind are more deserving of their recovery more than I am.

honesty is a gift of recovery,your husband has taken that first step,the most important thing he will ever do.

my advice be honest with him,if he truly wants to address his addiction he will welcome your support,it will come as a welcome release to him you offering your unconditional support.

In doing so you will gift yourself recovery,you are like my wife an innocent victim of this terrible addiction,it brings so much shame to the addict,it is a hidden addiction,a dirty unspoken secret,once out it can be addressed.

be brave,show him your post here,show him you want to help.

united against addiction we are a formidable force.

I admire your courage in posting,don't waste the opportunity of living a life unhindered by addiction.

be proud.

with strength and honour

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thank you for your support

I really hope he understands I just want to help, no judgement no blame, I've suspected for so long knowing that he wants help to face his addiction came as more a relief than anything else I want to be clear to him that I will do what ever he needs me to do to help, whether that's be there for support, take over finances, or find a counsellor etc

I've looked in to GA and Gamanon but our nearest meetings are over an hour away and while he's at work so I'm trying to find out info on 1-1 counselling etc

panda

phone the netline,they will offer you some solid advice and there is a free counselling service available through it.

GA has been a huge help for me but in truth it is not the answer for everyone.

there is also gamanon meetings for family and friends to attend,so as i said they get a chance to recover too.

lots of the advice given in the ga rooms filters through to the recovery diaries section here, the twelve step programme often mentioned.

Your partner will need to tailor his recovery to work for him,one size doesn't fit all so to speak.

most importantly that old saying 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink'

is often apt,the folk I have seen forced into recovery paths often fail to see the benefits.

Educate yourself as much as you can,it will help you both.

again I admire your honesty.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Excellent advice give above

The only thing under your control here is you and your decision to tell him you know. You cannot control the outcome of that so let it go. Tell him you know and dont expect, fear or hope for any result, just take it as it comes, you dont need to respond at all.

If he's angry, defensive, upset, you can ignore it, it will burn out. If he denies it, is manipulative, devastated by your 'snooping' you dont have to respond.

HIs gambling, your discovery, they are all in the past, the future begins with your firm declaration that you know, the past is gone.

And you do know, so pretending you dont is wasting time and will just eat away at you. Make your statement firmly and with love and let go of the result.

Thank you I'm just gonna suck it up and hope for the best fingers crossed he sees that he sees that I just want to love and support him

Panda how did it go??