I am looking for some tips from other partners of people who bet too much. My boyfriend places bets online on football and cricket. He is doing to the point where he has no savings left and I am worried he will continue into debt again. How have people helped them see that it is a problem? An addiction? Any tips would be gratefully received.
Hi what to do. You say 'debt again '. How long has this been going on? You can't really do anything. You can tell him it's a problem but whether he will listen is another thing. Don't pay his debts, don't give him money, don't pay his share. You can call gamcare and speak to someone. You can find a gamanon meeting. Make sure you look after yourself and your finances.
Last year I realised what he had done. I helped him with £5k of debt which he has since paid me back in full. He had stopped for a year and now I realise he has been doing it since April.
He has not gone into debt (I have his bank login and credit reports to prove that much). But how do I know that this time around he is in "control". I would have guessed it would be rather impossible for somebody with issues in the past?
I have an appointment with somebody from gamcare.
He has stopped again and I have access to his bank etc to check. But he is doing it to stay with me. Not because he thinks he should.
Impossible? I don't think a compulsive gambler can control gambling. If it's caused so much debt why would someone who is not an addict return to it? In my experience if you don't control his finances he can and will gamble. Control means no access, cash and receipts. It's not your responsibility really. He may be showing you what you want to see. You can't stop them until they choose to stop. You can get help for yourself. Find a gamanon. Gamcare might help, my counsellor thought my husband should control his own money and didn't support total abstinence!? So who knows. This is really about you and why you want this. Why do you want him to stop? Because it's causing chaos. It gets worse if they continue. If you make ultimatums you have to stick to them, they don't work. Time will tell if he's stopping for himself, he will respect the addiction and seek continued support. You have to think about what you will do if he doesn't. Safeguard your finances, no bailouts.
He's not in control. Unaddressed it will spiral as it has in the past and his addiction is more than capable of dragging you down with him. You can't do or say anything which will have any influence until he admits for himself it's a problem and wants help. That might be tomorrow it might be five years it might be never.
Think about what you are getting out of this relationship and why you're willing to accept the way he behaves then think about what you want need and deserve in a relationship. How do you want life to be?
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