Why is such a simple word so difficult to say?
Me and my partner have been together for 8 years and throughout the relationship there has been few rare periods where he doesn't gamble. For a long time the agreement has been that he gives me his wages - I have tried having his accounts/passwords etc but when he wants to conceal it he changes them anyway. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The most frustrating thing is the pawn shops where he can pawn his phone/ipad/laptop etc anything of value which is why I don't keep anything that would be worth selling, Then each month the renewal or withdrawal of these items means he never has any money left and is constantly needing to borrow.
I completely get that bailing them out prolongs the issue, it provides the safety net that means they never feel what its really like to have consequences for their behaviour - why change then? But i have always found it so difficult, I feel a sense of guilt then resentment then rage after I have given him it. I regularly make up my mind that i will say no that it is his own fault and somehow I mostly always give in leaving myself without the freedom to buy/ do things for me.
I am just so angry and resentful now that even £10 for lunch seems to infuriate me.
Any suggestions or messages of hope would be appreciated.
Thanks
L
Hi L, I'm sorry to see you so involved in your partners gambling. This is very damaging and destructive behaviour that you are now experiencing. You both need help. For you I would say call gamcare, go to a gamanon meeting. You need to see that what you are doing is damaging you. It's not good to enable a gambler. Where is the benefit in this perpetual cycle? Where is the healthy relationship? Taking control of finance means everything, if he keeps changing passwords he's in control. Money straight to you, credit reports. Who are you angry at? You or him? We are all responsible for our own actions. It is impossible to reason with an addict. If he's not attempting to stop this will get much worse. Maybe read 'codependent no more'. This will continue until you change. Get some help and support asap.
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