Hi all,
Very long story short, my Dad has been a gambling addict for almost 10 years. I didnt know at first but he admitted it to me and my brother 3 years ago.
It started effecting me in 2010 when he asked me to take a loan out for him, £7,500 which he said at the time was to buy a car. My parents had just divorced the year before and he said he was low on money.
I didnt want to take the loan out for him, was 18 at the time and he just wouldnt take no for an answer.
For 7 years now I have had him borrowing money from me and I thought It was all over until today, for the first time in 4 or 5 months he asked me to lend him £100.
I am really trying to save up myself but for the last almost 8 years now I just feel like i have been the dad looking out for him. He has an average job, thousands of pounds worth of debt and i dont know how he is ever going to get out of it. At one point he owed me £5,400, it is currently at £2,000.
I just dont know how to say No to him, if i do say no he will then go on saying he is desperate and that he has nobody else to ask.
My brother doesnt get on with him at all and straight up says no to my dad but feeling like i am all he has i just feel like i have to.
If anyone has any advice i am listening thanks
Reread previous threads? Go to GA for your issues? Try CoDA?
Does your gf say “no” to you? How does she do it? Are there comparables that you could learn from?
CW
Cynical wife, not for the first time, your advice is not helpful or constructive. CM3003 is obviously in a difficult position with his father, and is looking for advice off people who have experience of the situation he is in. 'does your gf say no to you?, how does she do it? is a dismissive, flippant comment.
Apologies for offence taken, none intended. But your gf is in an equivalent relationship with you as you with your father, she has to manage how your own gambling affects her and presumably there are parallel situations where she calls you out or otherwise has to say no. What can you learn from how she does it?
The pattern of your posting is multiple short threads with similar content, do you read the replies and are you prepared to change things for you? Because the best way is via meetings, GA and CoDA. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
CW
Cynical wife wrote:
Apologies for offence taken, none intended. But your gf is in an equivalent relationship with you as you with your father, she has to manage how your own gambling affects her and presumably there are parallel situations where she calls you out or otherwise has to say no. What can you learn from how she does it?
The pattern of your posting is multiple short threads with similar content, do you read the replies and are you prepared to change things for you? Because the best way is via meetings, GA and CoDA. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
CW
I havent gambled for almost 4 months , my girlfriend is not in an equivilant relationship with me as I am my father. I dont owe my girlfriend any money and I havent held her back for almost 8 years like he has me.
Hi cm try a different route. What does he need money for? You can buy food, pay a bill direct. As f&f the rule is don't give a cg money. Doesn't matter what they say or do it doesn't help them. You have to remove the emotion. Unfortunately you only learn at meetings. I don't understand why everyone is so resistant. If you want help that's the place to go.
He's not going to stop asking all the time he's getting an easy sub. The answer is to change your responses. Your brother is able to say no. Why do you feel you can't? Why do you feel responsible? Maybe questions to explore in counselling but in the meantime 'no' is a sentence in itself. You don't have to explain. You don't have to justify. You don't have to listen to the sob stories. All you have to do is start saying it then disengage.
My brother has never really got on with my dad, when parents divorced brother sided with mum and me dad. He then went to uni for 3 years and didnt have dad asking him for money every month like I did, I just got used to having to cover for him for so long.
Dad said he is going to give me £100 back tomorrow, if he doesnt then I will just have to say to him next time he asks me for money NO, that he cant keep using me and not giving a s**t how it’s effecting me and has done the last 8 years.
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