Hi,
first post and still in shock and I think denial
my partner of 11 years and husband of 1 year has a serious gambling addiction and his life has unravelled in the space of 12 months.
I can say with some degree of certainty that he did not have a gambling problem for 10 years of our relationship. He has the type of personality that would be prone to it and I have always managed our finances because he wasn’t particularly great with money or organisation so by default all the bills ans mortgage etc came out of my account and he transferred me a set amount every month. That’s been the case for years and he’s never asked to borrow money or not pay his own bills like phone, credit card etc.
Rewind to May last year and he mentioned in passing Forex currency trading, something he’d seen on Instagram. I thought nothing of it whens he said he was going to have a little punt and see what it was about. He said he’s probably put £100 and see what happened. He made no mention of it again and in June a letter came to the house for a pay day loan £3k. I rang him because he works away monday to friday and he admitted he got it to use for forex trading because he’d had a big loss. He promised me it was nothing to worry about and that he had stopped doing it.
i had no reason to doubt him at this point although when he was home on the weekends he was on his phone a lot and seemed stressed. Over the next few months he started smoking heavily and complaining of chest pains and stomach problems.
In October last year it all came to a head when he asked if i would lend him £100” on top of £500 i’d lent him the month before. He told me his wages had been messed up the first time then he told me a complete lie the second time so muxh so that i knew instantly he was still trading. I confronted him and he was really evasive and admitted to owing a bit of money but i knew he was holding back. Turns out after speaking to his family and friends he owed people over £30k and had tAken out multiple payday loans and other loans totalling over £50k that’s without the £1500 disposable income he was using from his wages.
he is in complete denial, telling me he made one wrong trade but was sure he could make it back.
I asked his father to intervene and help and he handed him another £10k to “clear” his debt which my husband obviously then spent on trading.
i asked him to leave the family home on October and said he needed to see what he was doing.
we have been in daily communication because of our son and he is acting as if there is no problem,until mothers day when i knew something had to give. He has no money, he’s lost at least 3 stone, his teeth are brown from chain smokint and he looks awful.
i told him I wanted us to break away completely from each other because i felt like i was almost enabling him by accepting his denial of the situation. I expected him to fight for me and our son and refuse to let us go but he agrees and said he wanted me to be happy.
the next week he took my son to a park and met up with a woman he had literally just started speaking to the day after i told him i was done and her daughter was there too.
i am absolutely devastated, it feels like a double betrayal. He has caused devastation and hurt and seems to have breezed onto the next without so much as a sorry. I can’t comprehend and struggling to function. I can’t eat, sleep or move forward because i just can’t make any sense of what’s happened and why.
sorry for the long post…
Hello Bluumonday23
Thank you for finding your way onto the GamCare Forum. After reading your post it sounds like you have been and are continuing to go through a challenging time. It is not uncommon that people with gambling problems can be baffling in the way they behave. Gambling is highly addictive and can have anyone selfishly pursuing it until there are real life consequences. It is not just the person with the problem who gets affect by these consequences it is all those around as well, like yourself and your son.
Your self-care is of great importance here and I would suggest arranging an appointment with the GP as soon as possible for a check up concerning the not eating and sleeping. I would further suggest you contact our 24/7 helpline if you have not done so already. We can offer help and support for you around this difficult time of your life. Call free 0808 8020 133 Your welcome to call anytime or contact through our live chat.
Please continue to use the forum and post your experiences on here and feel free to read other peoples to see how they managed through similar situations.
Wishing you all the best
Darren
Forum Admin
Hi... I hope its helped to get your thoughts and feelings out in the open. Writing can be good therapy.
It sounds like you need and some time and space to figure out the way forward and what you want.
Put your own needs first. Your husbands gambling addiction is his problem. protect yourself from the consequences of his problem.
For what its worth and as an addicted gambler myself, it doesn't sound like he wants to fully acknowledge his problem and take responsibility. For me, when in action I tend not to want to be around others and escape myself in various different ways, not just gambling.
All the best.
Hi @bluumonday23,
from what you wrote it doesn't seem like he has moved on, to me it seems more as though he is not only in denial of his gambling addiction but also the whole situation he has put your family and himself into. The sudden no fight to keep your family together, seems like he is broken and doesn't even have enough energy to fight. Also I highly doubt he is "trading", you can't consistently every week lose all your money while trading, to me it seems like different kind of gambling is going on.
Hard to say what to do in your situation. You for sure shouldnt blame yourself even a bit, it's not your fault. Stay strong, it will be a struggle but you can do it. Your son probably can't understand what is going on, stay strong for him.
I really hope he gets back to his senses and seeks help, maybe he needs to get hit really hard before he understands. Maybe try talking to his parents and explain the whole situation, i know you are probably extremely angry with him, but it might help.
Hard
Hi,
I really admire your courage to leave and make a life for yourself and your son. You will have a healthy and productive life for both of you.
Yes, it was really difficult but your happiness and peace of mind is the foremost of importance.
I have been with my husband who gambles and I am still struggling to leave.
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