Hello, lets start from the beginning I guess...
Me and my partner have been together a little over a year but things have moved quick. We have our own house together and a joint account. Just before we moved in together I found out through his family that a few years ago he used to have a gambling problem but he assured me that he hadnt gambled for years and I suspected no different as he hadnt given me any reason to believe differently. Fast forward to this weekend and it's a completly different story. I have now found out that he has in fact been gambling again and this has been going on since before christmas and has been over £2000 (I know this is not much but we already have enough to pay out for). I only found this out because he hadnt changed his bank statements over to our house and his mum opened his bank statement and confronted him about gambling. After looking at his statements I found out that not only has he been gambling recently but he was also gambling at the beginning of the year.
I guess this is where I admit I need the help in helping my boyfriend. He says he can quit because hes done it in the past but Im scared he's going to relapse again like he has already twice. Im scared hes going to blow all of our money when we are already currently struggling. I have given everything up for him and his three kids (plus debt from previous marriage) and got an overdraft out myself thinking we was just struggling with money but am now devastated to find out that it has been him throwing our money away. I dont really know where to go with this now. Ive read on here how people have taken the control of money away from their partners but how does this work with respect to christmas etc. My partner is happy to let me take money from him however he keeps mentionning about buying a ring and says that he cannot save if he has no money but I think this may just be an excuse to go and gamble again.
Sorry for rambling just couldnt get all of this out in order! My partner hides his gambling by going to internet cafes on his lunch break by the way.
Please help me come to a decision about what is best to do. I love him but I dont know if I am mentally capable to support his addiction.
Sure th family members will be here soon and drop you some good words of wisdom, but i thought i'd drop you a note to say you are not alone in this battle with illness. It can be a terrifying journey but there is a lot of support starting with giving Gamcare a ring or contacting them on Netline.
Have you had a look at some of the other posts? Gleaned anything that might support yourself? I'd especially encourage you to read anything by Cynical Wife.
All the best, tri
Hi
Does he want to give up? If he does there are a wealth of measures he can take which would practically eliminate his access to gambling with immediate effect. The talk of not being able to save for a ring with no access to money sounds like classic CG manipulation to me which in turn sounds like he doesn't really want to give up.
Make sure your own finances can't be accessed by him, don't bail him out and don't take on any debt on his behalf. This will give you time to see whether he means what he says or if he's just coming up with the vague promises he thinks will fob you off. If he doesn't want to stop he won't and you can't help him until he does. Read up on the addiction, see what you're up against and decide what you want and deserve from a relationship. Put yourself first. Unless and until he gives up you're the only one in the relationship who will.
Hi cc,
I would second what lethe has said above.....if you partner says something and something in your head makes you doubt it, you are more than likely going to be right about it. Us CG will tell any sort of lie to either get money or to hide the face that we have been gambling.
Make sure you look after yourself and if he is ready to stop then he will put things in place to make that happen and there are lots of success staorie on here. If he isnt willing to then i would be very wary about staying in a relationship with an active CG....but that decision is yours.
First thing to do as what Tri has siggested....give Gamcare a call, get yourself some support.
Good luck.
Damo
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