Ive been with my partner for 5 years. We dont live together, we both have children at school age and (for me anyway- I'm questioning everything now about him) not uprooting our kids was a priority. So we’ve always lived half an hr away from each other. But very much shared our lives- holidays, families, friends etc. We also work at the same company which is how we met (although in different departments) I felt as though he was the love of my life. Long story short a few things just weren't adding up and i discovered he’d been taking a ton of payday loans out over a short space of time followed by taking it all out in cash as soon as he got them. Eventually he has admitted its gambling. By this point a lot of things clicked into place and I felt shocked, hurt and deceived. This was only a week ago and despite all the crying and sob stories, I also know for a fact he has lied to me again since about gambling. I have 2 children and work full time, i do not have any external support. He has said he loves me so much he would stand by me through anything, which i suspect is a guilt trip, but its working. I love him and Im devastated at losing him, but my decision is to walk away. To me, I kind of feel like Ive already lost him anyway. My marriage was very very hard and leaving that relationship put me in physical danger, so i know all too well the realities of hanging onto empty promises and words instead of actions. I feel as though im being very cruel by walking away so soon, as though if I really loved him Id try to support or help him. Please be kind if you respond as I am still very much in shock and feel as though Im in some waking nightmare at how suddenly and unexpectedly my relationship has changed. Am I being selfish to walk away so soon? (Even though he denies its ever happened before, looking back I very much suspect it has during the last 5 years- he’s just been “caught” this time)
Hi Minnie33, welcome to the forum and thank you for your post.
This sounds like a very difficult situation and decision for you to make. If you want any further support then please do reach out to us on the helpline, we are here for everyone, gamblers and those affected.
tel:08088020133
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/
Many thanks
Forum Admin
Lauren
Hi ?
I am in a similar ish situation so just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
My husband has a serious gambling problem. His family have disowned him, my finances are completely ruined. I am now looking at getting a second job with two children and a terminally ill mum to look after.
I too feel selfish for having thoughts of ending my relationship. The vows we made ring through my head, for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health…
But this is not my fault yet I am the one actively trying to get out of the hole we are in.
Do what is right for you and your children. I wish you all the best - you are not alone.
It’s definitely a hard one. As a gambling addict myself like most of us here it’s good for you to hear our side and opinions.
Luckily I made a very stupid mistake in gambling and realised that I need to stop and I felt like I could speak to my boyfriend. I can’t say whether to leave them or not because you’ve got history and no matter what decision you make it is going to be tough. You have to do what is best for you. Have you thought about trying to get him to go to face to face counselling?
I found when I actually told someone to their face about my addiction it made me start to see sense as I was embarrassed and did want to sort myself out
I hope you manage to find a way regardless of what it is to help out yourself at ease
@mama_kirbz Thank you, I think those vows have a hell of a lot to answer for tbh. They were one of the reasons I stayed in a toxic marriage for years. It was only when i realised if I didnt leave, Id wake up one day and it’d be 50 years down the line, still in the same situation, that I knew I had to end it. And what about the vows they made to us? The promises they make? We only get one life and owe it to ourselves and our children to have the best one we can x
The only problem is that he has to really want to give up. Ultimately, the decision has to be yours, and yours alone but it's a hard road giving up gambling. However, gamfam are an organisation which supports families of gambling addicts so you could reach out to them for support?
I don’t think your cruel or over reacting. I was the same however my partner admitted her issues, as they manipulative and didn’t pass the buck. I have given her a chance and am going to support with the process. However if I was in your situation with the guilt tripping I would be walking away too. Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault xx
Leave him, this is coming from a gambling addict at my height of my gambling addiction nothing would have helped me i wish my ex partner had left me sooner nothing made a difference at the time fortunately through professional help i have improved alot since then i do still have relapses still to this day ive realised my issues and i need to commit to Ga for the rest of my life i have decided to remain single until i can get to a stage where i could make it work infact only 1% of people remain GF for the rest of their lives since u already experinced a toxic relationship i would walk away if i was in your shoes?
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