I have read quite a few posts from parents this morning to try and understand a little more about this addiction as our 23 year old son came home last night in a real state to admit to us that he has an online gambling addiction (football) and has run up £12k of debt.
We are naturally in shock and are trying to work out the best way to help him over come his addiction. One article in The Telegraph online really struck a chord - it could have been our son to a T - young professional with a good job in the financial services sector, purchansed his 1st home in July ith his wonderful girlfriend, has a lively social life through playing sport to a high level, really close family set up. So why does he feel the need to gamble?? Clearly there is something deep rooted in him that has made him turn to gambling online and we will hope to find suitble councelling to try and get to the botom of it. None of us saw the signs but looking back, perhaps they were there we just didnt see them. Like others he won £8k over one weekend then lost it again by the end of the week. His salary went into his bank account last week only to be cleared out 5 days later.
We are heartbroken to think of him suffering on his own for months - the torture he must have been going through on his own must hve been horrendous. I have always thought of us having a really good relationship (father /son, mother/ son) and to think this was all going on without us knowing is just awful.
Today is Day 1 - at least it is out in the open amongst our close family and our son feels much better for opening up. He has agreed for us to take control of his finances for a couple of months and to plan the best way to settle/manage some of the debts over the short and medium term. We have a councelling session planned for this evening and will try to scope out what the next week looks like.
I really hope we can help our son though this - its going to be a long haul but he has our full support and the love of his family which I know he really does appreciate
Hi geebers how good to see you looking for help and info. Please don't make the mistake of paying his debt. That's his and he will learn more from repaying it. If you bail him out it will set him free. The best way for you all to learn about gambling addiction is for him to go to GA and you gamanon. There are many parents in my meeting and what you learn from real life people who have experience is invaluable. Good luck with the counselling.
Hi
Sorry to see what's happened. It's a massive shock when we find out what's been going on. It's encouraging that he's opened up rather than being found out but it's worth pointing out that while our natural instinct is to run round looking at options and generally trying to fix it it's not always in the gambler's best interests given they have lost the connection between dream and reality, action and consequence. .
Let him research his debt repayment options. Payplan and Stepchange are good places to start. Don't consider bailing him out yourself and forewarn anyone who might be sold a sob story.
The best way for you to help is in the practicalities. Monitoring his finances is a start but be prepared for the long haul. Set passwords for blockers and devices. Sit with him while he self excludes permanently from every account he has.
Wanting to stop is great but willpower alone won't cut it in the face of addiction. He will need solid practical barriers teamed with attendance at counselling and GA to help him identify and address whatever it is that's driving the compulsion.
I concur with MGR. I would point him in the direction of GA and as the parents find a Gamanon. As you said this is a long haul but it can be made easier with support and knowledge.
It's great you are there to support him ... just be aware that it is a definite balancing act supporting without enabling 🙂
Cathyx
[quote=Merry go round]
Hi geebers how good to see you looking for help and info. Please don't make the mistake of paying his debt. That's his and he will learn more from repaying it. If you bail him out it will set him free. The best way for you all to learn about gambling addiction is for him to go to GA and you gamanon. There are many parents in my meeting and what you learn from real life people who have experience is invaluable. Good luck with the counselling.
Thank you for your advice - we will ceratinly seek councelling both for him and us
Thank you for all your support and advice, very much appreciated. Some common threads re debt repayment and councelling which will certainly take. We have ensured his devices have blocking software installed and we have the passwords. We have agreed a finance management approach, taken back credit cards and closed accounts. He attended a councelling session this evening which he felt was positive and started to peel back the reasons for his addiction. I do feel we have made progress today - Day 1, and have build some kind of network to provide support whilst ensuring he takes responsibility for his future
He geebers, we live just for today. It makes everything more manageable. This is progressive and often gamblers find this the hardest addiction to beat. Be vigilant, this unfortunately is for life. Read around the forum you will see stories that show how hard this is. Keep posting and asking questions.
All was going so well and then - bam just out of nowhere our son started gambling on the outcome of football matches. Having not gambled for 3 months, he was bored at work and had the urge to gamble again, this time £600 in 4 days. It was the evening before his birthday when his girlfriend noticved he was spending more time on his phone and asked him if he was gambling again. He answered no but when she asked to see his bank statement, there it was. He really had done so well and now he has taken a step backwards. Having blocked his phone, laptop etc from gambling sites, closed his accounts, and was paying back his one outstanding debt fior £5k, somehow he managed to use a Betway account that was only suspended previously. He had been seeing a councellor and it all seemed like all was on track - then this. He just says he gets bored at work and it helps to kill time. We are so disappointed - he has put so much at risk. He was ddead against telling other members of the family but this time I feel others close to us/him need to know whats going on to be there to help in whatever way they can. I guess we should have expected he might well take a stop back but its come as a real sickener. He's just turned 24 and has his whole life ahead of him, good job, owns a flat with his GF (who is amazing and supportive) has a loving family and a very good social life. He's seeimng his councellor again tonite so at least he is being proactive.
Hi Geebers, I have just returned to this forw um after a year or so of thinking we were “cured of this gambling nightmare”- how wrong I was! My son is the same age as yours and actually sounds like they are from similar backgrounds ( ironically even working in financial services!). We are devastated to find out today that he has been gambling again and is in debt again ( approx £5000 but there may be more). I was keeping an eye on his bank account but took my eye off the ball as I began to trust him- he even made me feel guilty for not trusting him. Icannot bare the thought of this nightmare again and do not know how to help my son. He says he will speak to gamcare but then lies and tells me he is waiting for a referral (5 weeks later!). He is depressed and upset and I am so fearful of what he will do next. I appreciate the advice from others that I have enabled him by bailing him out of debt in the past and I will not do this again ( although a letter threatening bailiffs from unpaid Parking tickets has just arrived and I am terrified. He currently lives at home but has nothing for them to take so I am concerned that they would take something belonging to his brother or my husband and I. The shame of it all is also just too much. We love him so much amd he has had everything in terms of love and stability that a boy could wish for. What have we done wrong... when will this ever end? I feel your pain so just wanted you to know you are not alone.
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