Lied about my gambling

Hi lou,

Thank you for sharing your situation on our forum, including the impact on your relationship. You have started to address your gambling, if you want to know how to layer your protection then please contact us on the helpline.  Currently, you are posting in the family and friends section, which may have been your intention. However, you have the option of using the other sections e.g. new member intros, Overcoming gambling harms etc. 

Best Wishes 

Fiona 

Forum Admin

Hi

Before my recovery I was a very unhealthy emotionally vulnerable person.

My unhealthy addictions and unhealthy obsessions was a form of escape, an adrenaline rush, I use to think that I loved gambling.

That was not true, it was a form os self abuse causing my self more unhealthy pains and unhealthy trauma..

In time I got to understand what my emotional triggers were unhealthy reactions to my pains not healed, my emotional triggers were high levels of fears not reduced, my emotional triggers were due to my frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

I was hurting my self, my emotional triggers were feelings of loneliness and abandonment, my emotional triggers were due to feeling bored due to the fact I was not very productive in every avenue of my life.

The gambling establishments never made me go any thing that I did not want to do.

The gambling establishments never lied to me, I lied to my self.

The gambling establishments never hurt me I hurt my self.

By going to the recovery meetings I got wise as to how unhealthy and how emotionally vulnerable I was.

Once I paid off my debts I got to make healthy plans of how to enjoy my life and reward my self and my family.

I use to tell so many unhealthy lies because I lived in so much fear.

For me today gambling is a very unhealthy self destructive habit where I hurt my self and hurt other people a round me.

By me lying I betray my self and people close to me.

By attending meetings, I got to be more honest with my self.

By attending meetings, I go to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

By attending meetings for decades I have been able to achieve so much more with my time my life and my relationships.

By attending meetings is a very good investment in to my self and my families well being. 

I am a non religious person, yet I am becoming a much healthier spirtual person.

My healthy conscience is and was based up on healthy spirtual values.

When I cause pain to my self or others my conscience causes me to feel pains through guilt and shame.

When I lie to my self or lie to others my conscience causes me to feel pains.

It takes time to heal the hurt inner child.

It takes time to stop reacting in such unhealthy ways.

I  do not want to go back to the painful life of being an active compulsive gambler.

I did not like feeling like I was a loser in any way.

So for me just for today no matter whats happens in my life today the very last thing I want to do or need to do with my life is to Gamble.

Being in the recovery program I got to understand that my success is down to my healthy actions and my healthy words.

For me Gambling is a very self destructive unhealthy habit that leads to causing my self far to much pain and far to many fears.

Sticking with the recovery program I also learned how to understand and articulate my feeling and my emotions.

The recovery program helped me turn my life around to a healthy life.

I am no longer the loner I use to be.

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham