Life after living with a gambler nearly 3 yrs on

hey lovely lady!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing that with me . It all makes sense and I sat here crying when I read the horror you have endured Sandra.

I know you mentioned about pulling away from the forum and the pair of us come and go but i really hope you always keep close.

Like you, but for different reasons I also consider it my second home and a place of safety , a home away from home.

i think we are all on the run from something in some way which is why i mentioned "home" in my post.

Meeting people on the forum like yourself who have always been so candid and open made me realise that there is more to peoples lifes that appears on the surface often incredible hurt and pain and abuse,

Once understood and expressed as Duncan says too...anything is possible, it just takes brave souls like you to share what has really happened and then compulsion in all its forms become not the issue any more. Who would blame you given whats happened.

Given whats happened my lovely I am amazed you are still standing and here and that in itself should be congratulated.

My wish for you is that you remain always safe and secure no matter where you choose to live and i also know a little about that as thats how we keep empowering ourselves with self care.

Keep writing Sandra ..and i hope you recieve this post in the next week!!! ...as it takes ages to process now,

Sending the biggest hugs ever and again...i hope you stay around on here

((((S))))

Rach and Dots xxx...having a doggy is the greatest love of all!! xxx

Just want to say ...to all the women on the the f & f side ....( which lets face it is majority women.)

There is life after men.

When you take your power and esteem back you will find that you can create miracles.

My advice is stop competing.

If you are only staying because you feel some other Florence Nightingale type woman will be able to be more of a self sacrificing amd self effacing than you and win the heart of your beloved then stop...right now.

I only stayed in my relationship as long as I did ( and that wasnt long) because of the competitive fear that some woman in his work, the pub, the gym , our friends mrs , or whatever would be better able to cope and be all loving than me and could find the key to his heart in a way i couldnt.

Had non of these factors been in play I would have gone..earlier.

I only stayed because I thought another woman would be able to cope better than I could. ..jealousy and competitiveness ...not love .

What I realised ( about a nano- second after leaving ) is that the reason I stayed was nack all to do with love and 100% more about feeling a failure at not being some self sacrificing woman who I have regarded as "real women" ...

Im not one of those women and im depressingly hetro but 3 yrs on I am so glad i made the right choice and got out of hell....as real women have balls ...

Rachel xx

Hey,

Men are pants, and I'm a man. But that doesnt mean you can gamble more. Let it go. Take your frustration out of the men you love. I mean... Buy him a beer! (Instead of £5.00 spin) Buy him and the family a takeawaay (Instead of 20 spins at 0.50) You know where I am coming..

Sandra, hope it has been OK and your still Gamble free babe.

Hey Rach and JP/Sparky777??

Truly confused me last night with your Sparky777 username appearing for 2 min but suddenly changing to JP :-/
Whoever you are, you seem to be respected on here. Accusations of double personalities seem to be common theme on here but first time in my time in here (2yrs and 3months) i actually witnessed something spooky :-0

As of your post to me on here....I've been called worse so shall keep my gob shut lol

Rachel!!! Been a while since sein your thread on the top page and as you know yourself, anytime you want to pass a message on to your fellow friends i am more than happy to copy your thoughts on email and paste it over here!
As we both know, you're well and truly on recovery road, it takes time but every day you let tiny regret go is a huge step forward. Proud of you Hun and thank you for being my friend outside forum walls

Hugs
Sandra

((((((((R&D&S))))))) xx
Ps..others still doesn't know about your extended animal sanctuary 😉 ☺

So i just heard from our girl who sadly been banned from voicing herself over a year ago...but who are we to give up lol..please allow me to post our Rachel's reflection on her journey.

"When I look back at that time, love felt like an endurance test. I did'nt love him anymore despite at one time thinking I had met the 'one" . I was staying for all the wrong reasons, guilt, fear of someone else being more sacrifical and me feeling a failure. The massive efforts it took to be together was wiped out in a very short time. Gambling became the new ' lady " in his life and it suddenly dawned on me that that was always going to be this way. There would always be something or someone " other. Gambling , Skirt, The Big Idea, The next project, the next house.I knew it would never end. No peace . No stillness. A living hell.

I have no regrets in leaving other than I should have done it earlier. I have changed so much as a person in 4 yrs that if I ever met him again, there would be no attraction at all, zero interest tne more authentic I have become as a person.
That's how committed I have also been to recovery from co- dependancy...I simply would not attract this in again"

You're welcome to post it...lol

Here we go dear souls in recovery, gambling destroyed many souls and esp loved ones who is nothing to do with addiction...Sad reality, but sometimes we need to make that choice to put ourselves first and start piecing life together. Our Rachel is more than a great proof of making life possible after destruction her ex caused to her...

Never change girl, you're making huge progress!

S x

Sandra, It is JP and Sparky777. I hadnt logged in here for soooo long I forgot which account I frequented on. Sparky777 was my slip days. Sorry for the abrupt post, but it was meant in good faith. I had a few too many Vodka's! please accept my apology.

Last posts killed me. You are soo determined. So be it. Your definitely a strong character. I been away so long, is the Rachel you talk of the one that frequented and helped me for so long?