Hi Everyone,
I have posted a few times and on advice of everyone here I've contacted the counselling services GamCare offer for family and friends so I'm taking care of myself this time round.
I'm just looking for your experiences of living with a CG and what the future has held for you all? I love my boyfriend to the ends of the earth and the non CG side of him is only full of love and loyalty and care for me - but the CG side (when it takes over) leaves me with a shell of the man I know. He's done really well so far - is managing debts, focusing on work, seeing a counsellor weekly (GA doesn't work for him, he can't cope with the speaking in front of everyone and the set up of group therapies) and has been free of gambling for nearly 100 days. He's honest with me for the first time in our 9 years together and tells me when he feels the compulsion to gamble and is having a bad time. Sometimes he's very anxious and snappy which is understandable when giving up any addiction.
All these things I can cope with and support him with because I love him and see a future together. However recently I'm frightened because it's a cloudy future where I've no prior experience of knowing whether we can beat this together or not. The realisation that for our 9 years together about 8 of them were spent as a CG. I feel afraid at the future prospect of having a family and a home together and it all comes crashing down with a relapse.
I also struggle with feeling down about all the money worries and mood swings and feel as though he can sometimes be very self centres and not realise that yes he's the addict but I am a victim to this addiction too. His addiction is essentially my addiction as we live together and have bills to pay together and go through this recovery together.
My question really is have any of
you got a positive experience of your partners and loved ones (or yourselves!) beating addiction?
I was the same when joined this site. I'm so out of my depth and I don't know much about the addiction that mine and the kids future seems so uncertain now with my husband. Reading the stories it certainly sounds like relapse is very likely and also will be a reoccurring thing. I wanted to read stories where someone says they used to gamble but almost lost their family and now 10 years down the line they are gamble free! There must be some but I feel the percentage of gamblers that stop for good without relapse is very small.
I can relate to how you are feeling. Since his last relapse I have been panicky and withdrawn and have felt very depressed. It's the fear of the unknown. We can take control of some things but over this addiction we don't have an ounce of control and it's terrifying.
One thing I'll say is be wary of a ga who says the meetings aren't for them. These meeting change lives and obviously work for a lot of people. Previously my husband has rubbished meetings and said he'd do it his own way because they didn't work for him, he hated speaking out and didn't relate to the people or agree with the content. He now goes twice weekly and admits it's all that stops him gambling.
Thanks BKL31 for replying! I know relapse is almost inevitable and I've done as much as I can to limit the access to money so that it's not as spectacular as the 20k he's already accumulated.
Im so fearful for our future together. I don't know what to expect. I love him very much and that's what makes this so hard!
Perhaps I should try and push for him to try the meetings again? I've already suggested he try accessing this site for support from other CG's. not sure if he has been on here and tried that or not!
There's only so much we can do. I don't know what the odds are. I get what you're saying I'm questioning our whole relationship and stressing about everything and trying to micromanage every minute of his day. I've turned into this negative nervous wreck of a women and I hate it.
I think what you have to accept is that this will always be a huge issue one way or another and you either have to live with it and manage it or move on. This is harder once you have kids and own property etc so really weigh it up. Good luck x
Hi, I can relate to the panicky feeling , feeling down too. I can waken at stupid times of the night wondering how much he has gambled and then I can't get back to sleep! I don't visit family much as I don't want them asking questions.They know my husband has gambled in the past but they don't know how much he gambles now. I have come close lately to telling them but haven't yet.He won't come on here or go to counselling.If I told him I would leave him if he doesn't get help he would say go on then , not easy when kids involved . I just try not to think too far ahead .
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
