My boyfriend hides his gambling addiction

Hi

Him being angry and defensive isn't a good sign. You being afraid of an argument is no way to be.

You can't fix him. You can't save him. You can't help him unless and until he wants to be helped.

How do you want to live?

Hi guys so update..

I finally tried to talk to him. His answer was “I’m not gambling, I don’t even have the money to gamble” and then left the room and slept downstairs away from me. It’s upsetting because i was so kind with the way I spoke to him and told him I wasn’t going to be angry just wanted some honesty. I believed him and I actually apologised for asking him about it because he made me feel like I was really in the wrong for asking. However I’ve seen him once again, this time he thought I was asleep and he was on a new betting site, and messaging his friend who also gambles telling him he’d just lost £200 today. I’m so irritated that he’s lying to me, but I love him so much and don’t want to be angry at him about the whole gambling situation! I can’t stand the thought he lies and makes me feel so bad about it and I don’t dare bring it up again! he knows I am an understanding person and he is meant to be love me so why does he lie and make me feel like a bad person?

Hi mp212, he lies because he's in denial, he doesn't want to give it up, he's waiting for the big win, he's chasing losses. Why are you so understanding? Why give him an option to argue or deny? Tell him you know you saw him. he'd rather sleep downstairs and gamble. When a gambler is active they will do anything to gamble, they spend their time thinking about the current bet, the next bet, the losses etc. They would rather gamble than anything else. So you can't reason with him. What are you going to do? This is about you. What are you afraid of? Ultimatums don't work. Ignoring it is fine but it will get worse, much worse. You have to look after you. As said above, what are you going to do? Don't live your life waiting for someone else to change. Don't live your life scared to speak or have an opinion. Go to a meeting on your own, a gamanon meeting or coda. Get strong. Stop thinking he will change, he's in the grip of it.

More of the same, then, from both of you? Quoting AlAnon, if you don’t want to be treated like a doormat, then get up off the floor.

Everything has its time and place, including compassion and understanding. Being too nice and gentle and understanding to an active addict actually isn’t really being kind to anyone. Different rules apply to addiction.

Change will occur if and when you start to change. Impossible alone, but the help’s there if you choose take it.

Focus on you.

CW

My name is Castor Angel from USA am 43 years old i got married at the age of 25 i have only Two child and i was living happily. After five years of my marriage
my husband behavior became so strange that I don’t really understand what was going on. He packed out of the house to another woman’s house and I love him so much that i

never dreamt of losing him, i tried my best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail, i cried and cried seeking for help. I discussed it with my best friend Alison and she told me she can help me. She told me of a man called ****** she told me he is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love and Cancer issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help her and countless number of people in

restoring their relationship. I was really convinced and went online to search about him. I quickly contacted his email address at ********I explain all my problem to him, he told me that I should not worry that all my problems will be fine. Presently, I am very happy and I got my husband back to me now and we are living with so much love for each other

My name is Brenda from the USA. I am 44 years old. My fiance has a real gambling problem. He has not yet reached the point where he is thousands in debt, but he only recently started making enough money to make that even possible. I have family members who have struggled with addictions to drugs & alcohol and I am familiar with the downward spiral that he is on. He is 13 years younger than me, so it's difficult for him to understand the guidence I try to give him. Much of it comes from life experience that he hasn't had yet. I am lost. I am broken. I am desperate to find my happiness again. But I love him and want to support him and help him to find recovery. He is such a good man, beneath the demon of his addiction. I hate to lose him to this. But my hands are tied and I have no idea how to help him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Brenda if you start your own 'topic' you will get more replies. Go to bottom of family and friends page and see the button 'new topic'. In the mean time don't give him money, don't pay his debt. Find a gamanon meeting if there is one near you. Keep you finances secure, valuables etc. Your priority is yourself. You can set boundaries, but don't make empty threats. Living with a compulsive gambler is very difficult. Get some support from family or friends. I don't know what help there is in the US. Alanon is same principle as gamanon. Good luck.

Merry go Round thank you for your reply. I meant no disrespect to MP212, and I am very sympathetic to their situation. I made this post here in the first 2 minutes of joining. I have never been part of a forum like this and it took me 3 hours to figure out what I was doing. I realized only AFTER I had posted that this wasn't a topic starter, it was replies to the person who started the feed. I've been unable to start my own topic though. I keep getting website error messages. What did happen though, is that I spent hours yesterday reading on everyone's topics. I learned so much about the struggle and that I am very much not alone in the feelings and thoughts that I had. I am so much more focused and ready to put a game plan together for my future now that I see that I'm not "crazy" and this isn't "my fault". I also learned that my fiance's brain is actually more sick than I thought. This forum opened a dialogue between he and I that we've never had. I pray it helps. And I pray that all works out for you MP212. I know how painful it can be to love an addict. I know how painful it is to realize that they are beautiful humans, with a tortured soul. This addiction is very painful for those of us who live with a compulsive gambler. Thank you again and I am truly sorry if my post seemed unsentsitive. I was clueless. I am enlightened now, on posting and on this addiction.

Don’t give ultimatums that you are not willing to go through with. I have done this 4 times probably because I’m too soft but it just makes it okay for them to continue because there is no consequence for them. I feel like I’m waiting to catch him out again and I’m sure it won’t be long but il probably do the same again - kick him out for a few days then he will come back again and back on the merry go round we go x I hope you have the strength I don’t if you do find out he is gambling again x